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31 married and I think I am lesbian

 
 
Reply Sun 4 Nov, 2018 05:21 pm
Hello.

Sorry I know you must have 1000 of similar questions but I am really stuck.
I've always been liberal shall we say with who I've liked my sexual preferences well I never really labelled them. Until I got married. I do have crushes on both men and women but I tend have more powerful crushes on women.
However I am married to a man and we get along really well but The sex life doesn't really exist.
I always seem to know if another woman is gay and it's not based on looks or anything I just know and I instantly get nervous and flustered (but it's a good nervy feel if that makes sense but it's a different feeling to a crush)
So I spoke to one my colleagues work and she advised me to try a forum and did acknowledges that it's a difficult situation to be in because I'm not in a situation where I can just go out and try and experience it as a grown adult. I wouldn't ever cheat on my husband because I've been cheated on in the past and it just puts everyone in a difficult situation and it's not good.

I have had relationships with women in the past. And if feels different not in a bad way but it felt more secure but passionate.

It's just it's starting to wear me down now and have an affect on my mental health. I cant mess my husband about on something that might just be frustration due to a lacking sex life.
But I can't keep supressing myself if this is who I am

 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sun 4 Nov, 2018 09:56 pm
@Rockch1cl,
If you are in a sexless marriage, you must deal with that first.

How long has this been going on?
mykamay1234
 
  1  
Reply Sun 4 Nov, 2018 11:05 pm
@Rockch1cl,
I know exactly your feeling, even when we watch porn, I want to see women. I am way more attracted to a sexy women then man, it's hard, I too , am confused!
Rockch1cl
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Nov, 2018 02:08 am
@PUNKEY,
Thank you, around 2 years.
I've tried talking to him, tried nights in. I made him jar with sexy and none sexy favours in it.
I've asked him if he's feeling ok.
If there's is anything he feels is wrong.
If there's anything he wants to try.

But then we were joking around just playing fighting but I cant remember the specifics and he said "well you are lesbian aren't you?"
And it completely through me off track.

When I do sit him.down to talk he's usually looking at his phone screen or iPad and all i back is "I don't see a problem" "I don't know why you are worried"

It's frustrating 😥 I've even suggested couples counseling
0 Replies
 
Rockch1cl
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Nov, 2018 02:09 am
@mykamay1234,
Well I watch it a lot on my own. And it's usually lesbian porn I go for sometimes mixed but mainly lesbian. X
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jespah
 
  3  
Reply Mon 5 Nov, 2018 06:24 am
Keep suggesting couples counseling.

And don't hint! Get it out in the open. "Dave (or whatever his name is)! Put the phone down and listen. I am this close (hold your thumb and index finger really close together) to calling it quits in our marriage if we don't do something about it! And we need to do it together. This cannot be all on me. If you want to save our marriage, then you need to be a part of this work. If you don't do the work, and you go back to your phone, then I'll know where I stand."

Yeah, it's a threat. But regular communications don't seem to have done squadoo. Plus a lot of people can be utterly clueless when it comes to this stuff. So spell it out.

And be prepared to back up what you say, with deeds. If he really does shrug and go back to his phone, consider that a fire lit under your own butt, and act accordingly.
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