Husbands Texts

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Feel unsettled about this and need some advice if I'm over reacting. Husbands twice divorced friend, age 58 sending provocative photos of his girlfriend 42 to my husband. Husband mistakingly allowed me to see the pics and said his friend is proud of his girl friend. I am unsettled and need to settle myself.

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 1,917 • Replies: 34

@CynG,

My first take is that yes, you are overreacting.

From what you are saying, it seems like this is about the friendship. There is no threat to you (as far as infidelity)... he isn't getting these pictures from someone who wants to have sex with him. This is his friend's girlfriend.

Your husband isn't doing anything wrong. He is being a friend. You can tell him you are unsettled (communication is a good thing), but then you should drop it. What happens between your husband and his friends isn't your business.

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@CynG,

Question - Your husband's friend is sending pictures of his girlfriend. The woman here is not directly sending photos of herself to your husband, correct? If that is the case I would not be worried about your husband then.

I would be more worried for this woman. Does she know that her boyfriend is sending provocative photos around? I don't care how proud one is of their girlfriend you do not share such photos like this with someone else.

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@Linkat,

I am not sure if that is relevant Linkat. This is not the wife's business. The wife should simply butt out... it is not her concern.

This is another situation where the gender shouldn't matter, but probably does. Imagine if this was a husband worried about the text that his wife was getting from her girlfriend.

In either case, a husband shouldn't be butting into his wife's relationship with her friends, and a wife shouldn't be butting into her husbands friendships either.

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@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

I am not sure if that is relevant Linkat. This is not the wife's business. The wife should simply butt out... it is not her concern.

This is another situation where the gender shouldn't matter, but probably does. Imagine if this was a husband worried about the text that his wife was getting from her girlfriend.

In either case, a husband shouldn't be butting into his wife's relationship with her friends, and a wife shouldn't be butting into her husbands friendships either.

I agree it isn't her business - I just am more worried about this poor woman (if it was the husband having these photos shared - I agree no different) - having friends seeing her photos without her ok -- same for a man.

That is why you do not give pictures out you would not want to be shared - you cannot always trust some people.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

The OP didn’t say she was worried. She said she was unsettled.

I would indeed be unsettled as well, and would be unsettled, disgusted, and angry is the situation was reversed and a girl friend of mine sent me naked pics of her boyfriend.

I wonder what the husband thinks of this. Although it does seem he kept the pictures.

If I were in the OP’s position I would have a calm discussion with my husband about the entire situation. I’d want to know what his thoughts and feelings were about a friend disrespectfully both sending photos of someone he professes pride in, if the GF knows about this, his feelings toward getting theses pics, and much more.

I don’t automatically buy this “I’m proud of her” stuff. If he was so proud why wasn’t he cc’ing the GF when he’s sending out the pics so she can see how he likes to spread the joy?

As far as worried. I’d be more worried about the fact someone is perhaps unknown to them having a picture of this private nature sent out.

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@Linkat,

My sister does online dating, and apparently idiot men keep sending her pictures of their penises. She has a rule... any idiotic picture sent to her gets shared to all her friends (I told her I have no interest in seeing them).

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@chai2,

Linkat and I are on the same page as far as being careful as to what you allow to be photographed.
Once a compromising pic is taken, even if we are assured it will remain private, we ultimately have given up all control over how that content is used and distributed.

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@chai2,

Chai,

Let's say your friend gets a "provocative" (the OP doesn't actually say naked) picture and she thinks it is notable in some way. She sends it to you. It could be "look at the sexy underwear I bought him" or "my beau has been working out" or "look at the picture this idiot sent me". You may or may not want to see it depending on the friendship you have with the sender. The point of the thread is the reaction of your husband.

Obviously you have the choice as to what you want to view, but that is between you and your friend.

The question is whether a husband has the right to control what his wife views.

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@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

My sister does online dating, and apparently idiot men keep sending her pictures of their penises. She has a rule... any idiotic picture sent to her gets shared to all her friends (I told her I have no interest in seeing them).

Case in point.

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@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

My sister does online dating, and apparently idiot men keep sending her pictures of their penises. She has a rule... any idiotic picture sent to her gets shared to all her friends (I told her I have no interest in seeing them).

I never understood why a man would think that would entice a woman to go out with them.

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@Linkat,

Actually, women do the same thing.... only slightly more subtle. I get daily "friend requests" from women with fantastic cleavage always taken with the camera above their heads. And I get friend requests from women in their underwear.

I find them annoying.

For the record, I have never sent a picture of my penis unless it was specifically requested.

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@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

I am not sure if that is relevant Linkat. This is not the wife's business.

Bullshit.

People being abused or taken advantage of is everybody's business.

1 Reply

@DrewDad,

Really.... DrewDad.

This thread is about a husband trying to control what pictures his wife receives from her friends. If the husband's excuse is that he needs to make sure no one is being "taken advatage of"... does that make it OK?

Have you checked your wife's cell phone lately?

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

No. That’s not what the thread is about. You even have the genders reversed.

In any event, you, or any one person, does not get to dictate what the thread is “about”.

As you know from your own carefully placed diversions in most threads you participate on, what a thread is about is highly mutable

1 Reply

@CynG,

CynG wrote:

I am unsettled and need to settle myself.

what about the situation concerns you? there are a few things that I can think of that might bother other people but I don't know what about this is causing you to feel unsettled.

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@chai2,

Quote:

No. That’s not what the thread is about. You even have the genders reversed.

Let me spell this out for you simply. Chai.

The OP in this thread is complaining about texts their spouse is receiving from a friend. That is that this thread is about. It is one spouse trying to control the interactions the other spouse has with friends. Of course I reversed the genders. I thought the point I am making is obvious.

Does your husband have any business commenting on the text you receive from friends? Why does the fact I "reversed" the genders matter?

The responses to this thread are silly.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

maxdancona wrote:

My sister does online dating, and apparently idiot men keep sending her pictures of their penises. She has a rule... any idiotic picture sent to her gets shared to all her friends (I told her I have no interest in seeing them).

I never understood why a man would think that would entice a woman to go out with them.

Yeah, that, and why some men think cat calling a woman walking down the street is a good way to get a womans positive attention.

It's like, how's that working out for you Bob?

Laughing

This video.....

Watch from 2:10 to about 2:45, and watch the 2 womens faces while the "expert" expounds on what women really want......

Yes sir, you're right. There's nothing more I want in this life than to be told how pretty I am.

1 Reply

@chai2,

Quote:

Yeah, that, and why some men think cat calling a woman walking down the street is a good way to get a womans positive attention.

It's like, how's that working out for you Bob?

If it didn't work well for me, sweetheart, I would stop doing it.

(These are your idiotic gender stereotypes, not mine.)

2 Replies

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

Does your husband have any business commenting on the text you receive from friends?

Yes. It is his business to practice his right to comment re his feelings on any subject matter with me. Because we agreed in our partnership not to withhold our thoughts about things from each other. We agreed to make it each others business to be open and honest with each other. How the other person responds or feels about it is a different story.

1 Reply

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