Husbands Texts

@chai2,

Quote:

Yes. It is his business to practice his right to comment re his feelings on any subject matter with me. Because we agreed in our partnership not to withhold our thoughts about things from each other. We agreed to make it each others business to be open and honest with each other. How the other person responds or feels about it is a different story.

This is nice.

I hope if your friend sent you a picture, and your husband objected to it, that you would work it out respectfully. It seems obvious to me that if you disagree with your husband about your friends, your husband should back down. They are your friends, not his.

Sharing your feelings is different than controlling.

If your husband disapproved of an interaction you had with your friends, you might acknowledge your feelings, but does your husband's opinions really impact the relationship you have with your friends? If your husband said "I disapprove of those texts that Sarah is sending you", you would change your friendship with Sarah for him?

There are different types of marriages, that doesn't sound like a healthy marriage to me.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

So you stand on the street, calling out to random passing women as they walk by minding their own business, things about their appearance and/or of a sexual nature, telling them they should be appreciative of your uninvited attention, and they stop and give you the attention you desire?

If what you call working well for you is being ignored, or getting a dirty look or being told to stand down, then that great for you. The fact you even called me "sweetheart" in your response is pretty much an indication it's not working as well as you think.

However, I suspect you'll now say your definition of cat calling includes more civil ways of starting a conversation with someone.

It seems like cat calling is like a dog chasing a car. If the car stops, the dog has no idea what to do with it.

1 Reply

@chai2,

I don't want to call you slow, Chai, but I am playing with you. I will explain very simply my point.

You come to this thread with a set of gender based stereotypes. You instantly took the side of the woman, and you made it quite clear that the gender mattered (since you pointed it out). When I disagreed with you, you accused me of catcalling. You resorted to a nasty gender based stereotype. I was playing along with you going along with your little stereotype.

That was a joke, made at your expense, because you are stuck in a mode of thinking that depends on gender stereotypes. I am making fun of your mindset that is so stuck in gender politics that you can't even see how ridiculous you are being.

In this case, the gender shouldn't matter. One spouse should not try control the texts received by the other spouse from friends. It is really simple once you step back from triggered gender politics.

0 Replies

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

It seems obvious to me that if you disagree with your husband about your friends, your husband should back down. They are your friends, not his.

Sharing your feelings is different than controlling.

If your husband disapproved of an interaction you had with your friends, you might acknowledge your feelings, but does your husband's opinions really impact the relationship you have with your friends? If your husband said "I disapprove of those texts that Sarah is sending you", you would change your friendship with Sarah for him?

It might impact my relationship with a friend, sure.

If he was to point out a trend, or event to me that I may have missed because I was resting on the fact that "this is a friend" I would definatly reevaluate my relationship based on this new information.

The same is true as to my commenting on something a friend of his says or does, if it goes counter to what the expectations he places on his friends are.

Friendship is not a static thing. Neither is marriage, or any relationship. It's helpful to have someone else point out changes that are being observed.

What the person does with that information is a different story, but they are better informed as to how the flow of interactions are going.

It's not a bad thing to hear someone else opinion about someone else, and step back and look at it with fresh eyes.

0 Replies

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

Quote:
Yeah, that, and why some men think cat calling a woman walking down the street is a good way to get a womans positive attention.

It's like, how's that working out for you Bob?

If it didn't work well for me, I would stop doing it.

I suppose what you are looking for is negative attention, so yeah, I guess it is working well for you.

Just as here on most threads you post on, you don't appear to care what kind of attention you get, as long as you get it.

Here lies the end of my attention to you.

2 Replies

@chai2,

You triggered feminists are so ******* hypocritical.

You made a little nasty personal attack-- "[referring to catcalling ignorant men] How's that working out for you Bob?" (for the record, my name is not Bob, nor do I catcall women). That was the first of the nastiness. A sexist attack made by you, Chai.

I responded in the the character you invented for me based on your idea that all men who express an opinion are misogynists.

So run away.... if you can't take what you dish out, then what good is feminism anyway?

I am making a point here about equality. A husband doesn't control the friendships his wife has, and a wife doesn't control the friendships her husband has. That's all I am saying.

0 Replies

Other than the obvious in-crowd effect happening here... does anyone want to actually agree with Chai?

Does one spouse have control over the texts that another spouse receives? And does gender matter (is a wife controlling a husband different than a husband controlling a wife).

I wasn't the one who wanted this to get nasty... but I think it is a reasonable question given the OP.

0 Replies

@chai2,

There is a lesson here for Chai, if she cares to listen.

People who live in White Pantsuits shouldn't throw mud.

(well... it made me chuckle. Sue me!)

0 Replies

@maxdancona,

Quote:

...not the wife's business...

It became her business the moment her husband decided to show her the pictures.

1 Reply

@Sturgis,

You too Sturgis.

1) The OPs says the husband "mistakenly allowed" her to see the pictures. That strange phrase could mean anything including that he left his phone around and she snooped. Do the circumstances matter? (I can't think of any circumstances where I would presume to have the right to control the texts my girlfriend gets from her friends even if she deliberately showed them to me.)

2) Does it matter for you if the genders are reversed. Would you say the same thing if it was a husband complaining about texts his wife got from a friend?

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

The odd thing is I look at my husband's texts all the time.

Not to snoop but more to see what everyone is talking about - most of the texts are between family members - like my daughter in college. Our ipad shows all his texts and I like to see what she is saying especially with her so far away.

I don't care if he sees my texts either - I guess we just don't have a need to hide this from each other.

Similar to email - right now any way are email account is shared - he used to have a separate one - that I could see on the computer if I wanted to - he used to get some naked things on it from some of his friends - to be honest I didn't care but he had got it to stop as he really didn't want the kids to see it.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

It isn't about seeing the texts, it is about controlling the texts. The OP wants to stop his wife is receiving texts from friends. He doesn't approve.

I have no issue with a healthy relationship where neither spouse cares what the other texts with their friends. This clearly isn't that.

0 Replies

I think it's a little creepy to send provocative pictures of your love interest to friends. It wouldn't make me jealous, or threatened or worried my husband would be tempted......it's just a little icky. It's an immaturity signal to me, and not something I see as manly. But that's just my feeling, if others find it refreshing and honest and not all 'repressed' fine with me. Let me put it this way, if my partner and I am happy with our sex life that's all that matters to me. Im not keen on being included in other folks musings about their turn on's or show off pics and I am not inclined to sit around and share how hot and steamy my marriage is...but that's me. Being happy and satisfied is reward enough.

My husband and I share an email address and text msgs on both phones show up on the iPad. And before anybody asks, yes he is a red blooded male and notices attractive women....it's not a problem for me, I'd be worried if he didn't notice.

0 Replies

@CynG,

It wouldn't bother me if my husband saw it but it would be bothersome if he kept the pic. As if there's something epic to keep your friend's girlfriend's sexy time picture? Ew.

Porn's one thing, but drooling over a friend's girlfriend is too much.

0 Replies

Friend Guy sending provocative photos of his own girl to another guy? Narcissist Creepy.

Wife finding husband's email that shows his friends provocative photo? Snoopy Oops

Letting this affect your relationship: Needlessly Stupid

GF of Guy finding out he's passing around photos she probably considers private: Explosive and Priceless

0 Replies

Husbands Texts

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know