I am a middle aged man who thinks a gay lady wants to have sex with me.
I KNOW it because, well, I'm God's gift to all lesbian women. I mean who wouldn't want ME?? Sure, I'm married and yes, my tits hang lower than hers. But so what? She draws me FLOWERS and EVERYBODY knows that's secret code in lesbian-ese that she WANTS me. ME, I say!!
So Penthouse, I ask for your humble assurance that my wife won't laugh her ass off after she kicks me to the curb for being a cheating pain in the ass.
I also ask that my new found lesbian lover may continue to think of me as her shiny new boy toy that she hides from her lover. Lord knows I couldn't take getting my ass kicked twice by two different women.
Old As Mold And Twice As Smelly