How do I tell dad not to remarry?

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Our parents have been separated ever since I was still young. It has been 14 years since then and it is true that both my mom and dad have been seeing other people. In fact, my mom got married again after five years of separation, this time with a foreign man. Dad, on the other hand, have just been casually dating. It was a problem at first because he brings his girlfriends at home but we just adjusted to it. We never actually thought he would ever want to get married again since his separation with mom because he was only into casual dating. I also don’t think it would be a good idea since his fiancee is just older than me by five years. How do I tell him not to remarry without making him upset?

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Type: Question • Score: 10 • Views: 2,024 • Replies: 20

@jeckygeek,

What are the ages of your dad and this lady?

I always wonder why peoplr of later years even decide to get married. Are there children planned? Does she - or he - need financial protection? Will there be a pre- nuptual agreement?

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@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY wrote:

Will there be a pre- nuptual agreement?

Seconding the prenup. But other than that? I'm assuming your father is a mentally competent (in the legal sense of the term) adult. Let him know of your worries and concerns... but you shouldn't tell him NOT to remarry.

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@jeckygeek,

jeckygeek wrote:

How do I tell him not to remarry without making him upset?

you don't.

your father's personal life is just that - his personal life

1 Reply

@tsarstepan,

Agreed - this is not the time to stand between Dad and remarriage, but there's no shame in protecting hard-won assets.

1 Reply

@jespah,

jespah wrote:

Agreed - this is not the time to stand between Dad and remarriage, but there's no shame in protecting hard-won assets.

An who the hell won those assets????????

Adults or near adults children are unlikely to had done so therefore they have zero moral or legal rights to interfere beyond perhaps making mild suggestions.

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@BillRM,

yup
gotta agree with this

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@BillRM,

I reeled that off too fast. I mean for suggesting to Dad to protect them but then to butt out. It's Dad's life, not the kids'.

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@BillRM,

BillRM wrote:

An who the hell won those assets????????

YO MAMA!
Sick burn if I don't say so myself! ((walks away being pleased with myself))

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I basically agree with what had been said... but I will add one thing I think is important

You can tell your father how you feel. You should phrase it in such a way that they are your feelings (not his responsibility).

If my daughter came to me and said "I feel uncomfortable with your fiance because she is so young..." I would respect that. I wouldn't change my plans to get married, but I would be able to discuss this openly with my daughter and acknowledge her feelings. I wouldn't feel I could get angry at my daughter for expressing her feelings.

On the other hand if my daughter said "You are Sick! How could you do this to me!!! I won't let this happen", this would be inappropriate. The difference is in one case she is attacking me, in the other she is responsibly expressing her own feelings.

It is healthy for you to say,

- I feel uncomfortable that ....
- I am worried worried about ...
- It makes me sad when ...

These are all appropriate ways to express how you feel. They are very unlikely to change your father's mind, and you have know right to tell your father what to do. But they will let him know how you feel. It will strengthen your relationship with your father. And, when your father knows how you feel, there may be things he can do to help (i.e. set aside time for you) and you can work it out.

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Then there’s always the inheritance issue ...

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@PUNKEY,

which is up to the parent and no one else

(I told my parents to spend their money - they earned it)

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

My parents are bypassing their children and giving the money to the grandkids.

They did this right in front of me and my brother as we are co-trustees for them.

And you know what I don't care - it is their money, they should do with it as they want and what will make them happy.

So going back to the subject - as long as Daddy is happy and the future wife isn't scamming him then butt out. If she is scamming him or you suspect such have a talk - but not about not remarrying... but like others said say you are worried about him.

But there really isn't much more than that you can do - and be careful how you talk about his future wife as he may not like it.

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@jeckygeek,

How old are you?

Why not just live your life as you see fit and let your dad do the same? Leave the man alone. It isn't your job to tell him how to live his life because you don't like something.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

~~Then there’s always the inheritance issue ...~~

How so? Isn't that up to the one who earned the money to begin with?

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@Kabuki Coyote,

Alright! I think I'll just have to let him be.

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@ehBeth,

Doesn't my opinion matter?

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@jeckygeek,

Yes it does....when it comes to your OWN life. Did your Dad ask you for your opinion? I bet he didn't.

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@jeckygeek,

jeckygeek wrote:

Doesn't my opinion matter?

having an opinion is different from wanting to tell someone else what to do about their personal life

listen to yourself

jeckygeek wrote:

Alright! I think I'll just have to let him be.

you don't have to like her
you don't have to like what he is doing
but bottom line it is his personal life

you can certainly let him know how you feel about things, but it is his life

if/when you're dating age/marrying age, you can also make your own decisions

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Quote:

Former Baywatch star David Hasselhoff has married his Welsh girlfriend Hayley Roberts at a ceremony in Italy.

Hasselhoff, 66, and Ms Roberts, 38, wed on Tuesday in a ceremony attended by close friends and family, the actor's spokesman confirmed.

The couple met in 2011 when Ms Roberts asked the then Britain's Got Talent judge for his autograph in Cardiff.

The Hoff requested her phone number and started dating the sales assistant from Glynneath, Neath Port Talbot.

The ceremony took place in the Puglia region in the south of Italy and it has been reported Hasselhoff flew his daughters Taylor, 28, and Hayley, 25, to what he described as "a very small wedding with family from Wales".

Hasselhoff had previously said the newly-weds would go on honeymoon to the Maldives after the wedding.

Hasselhoff, who has been married twice before and has two grown-up children, proposed to Ms Roberts with a picnic on the beach at Malibu in Los Angeles two years ago.

The couple met in the foyer of a hotel in Cardiff while Hasselhoff was appearing in the city as a judge on Britain's Got Talent.

She asked for a photo and the former Knight Rider star asked for her number.

"There's the girl I imagined in my head that I want to spend my time with, my life with," he recalled after first seeing her.

Speaking about the age gap between them, Ms Roberts previously said: "I don't want to miss out on being with someone I love because of what might happen down the line."

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-45030422

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How do I tell dad not to remarry?

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