@edgarblythe,
My son never understood why I held him to such a high standard of account when he and a friend would get into trouble—especially when the friend did the planning or the worst aspects of the deed in question.
I tried to explain to him I wasn’t responsible for the other kid— the other kid wasn’t accountable to me (although I would be putting him in close contact with the ones who were)... ultimately, my kid was my primary interest, my primary responsibility, and I cared a great deal about how mine behaved. I held him to a higher standard because I expected more from him.
He told me recently he didn’t understand until much later in life; he thought I was being unfair then, he’s thanked me for this and related things more than once.
Some people get it; some don’t.