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POLITICAL JOKES

 
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Oct, 2004 02:10 pm
When the election is over, and someone writes about it, I have a great name for the book:





http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0VQAyA!0bGejttnNWn1xiKmzrQEwO4d14YNNTgaseIsFMovBoSB1PlkbYX5rM*N3dB67R3Hd*sZ*8baWAL7Pw9UhI5Mb3by0w0uggdiu7IPpdXOH4MEILdhj2iOMMrw72/turkeys.jpg
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2004 08:34 pm
BUSH is eeeeeeeeeeeeeevil...
0 Replies
 
lab rat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Oct, 2004 08:31 am
From a local radio station:
President Clinton and Hillary were attending a baseball game. Prior to the start, his security chief came and whispered something in Bill's ear. Bill shook his head vehemently. A few minutes later, the security chief approached him again, and again Bill refused whatever request was being made. A bit later the security chief approached him one more time; onlookers overheard something along the lines of "please, sir, the crowd will just go wild". On hearing this, Bill finally consented; he stood up, leaned over, picked up Hillary, and tossed her over the fence onto the field below. Sure enough, the crowd loved it, giving him a long standing ovation. However, the security chief frowned and said, "Um, Mr. President, I asked if you would throw out the first PITCH."
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Fri 5 Nov, 2004 10:57 am
POTUS Horror Picture Show
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Fri 5 Nov, 2004 03:32 pm
Political Rhapsody
0 Replies
 
Kedge
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2004 06:44 am
President Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty,
How do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give
to me?"
"Well," says the Queen," the most important thing is to surround yourself
with intelligent people."
Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really
intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer
an intelligence riddle." The Queen pushes a button on her intercom, "Please
send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please Tony. Your mother and father have
a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.

Back in the U.S. Bush asks to speak wi th Vice President Dick Cheney. Bush
says Dick answer this for me." Your mother and your father have a child.
It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says Cheney. "Let me get back to you on that one."
Dick Cheney goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give him
an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin
Powell's shoes in the next stall.
Cheney shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father
have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"
Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!"
Cheney goes back to President Bush. "Say, I did some research and I have the
answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell."

Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his face,
"No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 09:03 pm
Official Announcement

http://img234.imageshack.us/img234/2957/emblem4wz.jpg

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM
because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation,
halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of
security while you're actually being screwed.
0 Replies
 
brahmin
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Sep, 2005 01:11 am
Re: Globalization
Region Philbis wrote:
Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on! Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by an American,
using Bill Gates's technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that use Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....

That, my friends, is Globalization...


very nice, but its slightly more global than that - next time please add that "the computer you read this on, most likely uses Pentium, - thats a chip discovered by an indian called Vinod Dham in an american company called Intel - one of whose founders was a Hungarian immigrant jew"
0 Replies
 
vinsan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Sep, 2005 07:16 am
Bush Supporters Welcome
Fun for the day .....

Bush Supporters most welcome

Rest can try this too

1. Imagine any 5 sentences about Rose, everyones favorite flower.
2. Replace the word "Rose" with "President Bush's Ass" in each sentence
3. Rephrase the sentences and speak out loud.

I ain't a Bush Supporter but kind'a started liking his ass.....
0 Replies
 
catch22
 
  1  
Reply Sun 2 Oct, 2005 12:47 am
Re: Globalization
brahmin wrote:

very nice, but its slightly more global than that - next time please add that "the computer you read this on, most likely uses Pentium, - thats a chip discovered by an indian called Vinod Dham in an american company called Intel - one of whose founders was a Hungarian immigrant jew"



Just to update you a little bit & put matters in their proper perspective.
Quote:

In November, 1971, a company called Intel publicly introduced the world's first single chip microprocessor, the Intel 4004 (U.S. Patent #3,821,715), invented by Intel engineers Federico Faggin, Ted Hoff, and Stan Mazor.

The History of Intel

In 1968, Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore were two unhappy engineers working for the Fairchild Semiconductor Company who decided to quit and create their own company at a time when many Fairchild employees were leaving to create start-ups. People like Noyce and Moore were nicknamed the "Fairchildren".

Bob Noyce typed himself a one page idea of what he wanted to do with his new company, and that was enough to convince San Francisco venture capitalist Art Rock to back Noyce's and Moore's new venture. Rock raised $2.5 million dollars in less than 2 days.

The name "Moore Noyce" was already trademarked by a hotel chain, so the two founders decided upon the name "Intel" for their new company, a shortened version of "Integrated Electronics".

Intel's first money making product was the 3101 Schottky bipolar 64-bit static random access memory (SRAM) chip. In late 1969, a potential client from Japan called Busicom, asked to have twelve custom chips designed. Separate chips for keyboard scanning, display control, printer control and other functions for a Busicom-manufactured calculator.

Intel did not have the manpower for the job but they did have the brainpower to come up with a solution. Intel engineer, Ted Hoff decided that Intel could build one chip to do the work of twelve. Intel and Busicom agreed and funded the new programmable, general-purpose logic chip.

Federico Faggin headed the design team along with Ted Hoff and Stan Mazor, who wrote the software for the new chip. Nine months later, a revolution was born. At 1/8th inch wide by 1/6th inch long and consisting of 2,300 MOS (metal oxide semiconductor) transistors, the baby chip had as much power as the ENIAC, which had filled 3,000 cubic feet with 18,000 vacuum tubes.

Cleverly, Intel decided to buy back the design and marketing rights to the 4004 from Busicom for $60,000. The next year Busicom went bankrupt, they never produced a product using the 4004. Intel followed a clever marketing plan to encourage the development of applications for the 4004 chip, leading to its widespread use within months.

The Intel 4004

illustration of an Intell 4004 cpu by Mary BellisIntel 4004 - The Chip

The 4004 was the world's first universal microprocessor. In the late 1960s, many scientists had discussed the possibility of a computer on a chip, but nearly everyone felt that integrated circuit technology was not yet ready to support such a chip. Intel's Ted Hoff felt differently; he was the first person to recognize that the new silicon-gated MOS technology might make a single-chip CPU (central processing unit) possible.

Hoff and the Intel team developed such an architecture with just over 2,300 transistors in an area of only 3 by 4 millimetres. With its 4-bit CPU, command register, decoder, decoding control, control monitoring of machine commands and interim register, the 4004 was one heck of a little invention. Today's 64-bit microprocessors are still based on similar designs, and the microprocessor is still the most complex mass-produced product ever with more than 5.5 million transistors performing hundreds of millions of calculations each second - numbers that are sure to be outdated fast.

The Pioneer 10 spacecraft used the 4004 microprocessor. It was launched on March 2, 1972 and was the first spacecraft and microprocessor to enter the Asteroid Belt.
.



Vinod Dham went to the US in 1975 to do his MS at Cincinnati. He came into the Intel team much later on in 1985, when the 386 processor was almost complete.
Secondly, being the jokes section, this may not be relevant at all here. Also, is it important & neccessary to mention if one is a jew, hindu, christian etc etc? Does it make any difference?
0 Replies
 
brahmin
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2005 04:47 am
vinod dham led the team at Intel that came up with pentium, (not 386) - even intel wouldnt deny that.


& either of noyce or moore is a hungarian jew if i know right.


its relevant. cos you wanted to list the contributions of various people.

indians got ascribed "truck drivers" or some such (yes thats what we do at nasa and silicon valley - drive trucks !!), and jews, who are the cream of usa, got no mention at all.


what better way to mention both and also expand the "global-ness" of your diana joke.

of yeah, dont forget to mention next time, that Di got her name (diana) from a greek mythological character, goddess of hunting or something if i know right.
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Mon 15 Jun, 2009 11:59 am

http://rightwingnytimes.cf.huffingtonpost.com/
(click the white box to see what's behind it...)
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Mon 15 Jun, 2009 01:38 pm
I like the way the NYT banner changes . . .
0 Replies
 
Foxfyre
 
  2  
Reply Mon 15 Jun, 2009 02:11 pm
@Region Philbis,
Region Philbis wrote:


http://rightwingnytimes.cf.huffingtonpost.com/
(click the white box to see what's behind it...)


Clever but perhaps for a small rebuttal Smile

http://radioactiveliberty.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/foxvader01.jpg
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  2  
Reply Wed 13 Feb, 2013 07:04 am

for all the haters out there...

26 Ways President Obama Has Completely Ruined The Country
0 Replies
 
Lash
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Apr, 2016 09:15 am
I found this on Facebook, and it's HILARIOUS. I've mentioned Oriental, NC before; their newspaper is a hoot that I used to read consistently for the humor. I think somebody should write a wacky novel series based on this town.

Anyhoo, the local citizenry was concerned about NC's public restroom / gender problem, and has found a solution.

http://towndock.net/newsextra/bathroom-re-opens-with-on-duty-compliance-officer

(You really should catch the Town Dock once in a while)
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  3  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2016 11:45 am

https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/14344340_10158145186250377_1602599605775065635_n.jpg?oh=a79053771212151e018a758ea8795aba&oe=58671C3A
0 Replies
 
 

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