the wake

Will o' the Whisp - welcome.

Buttercup, Mizzie and Willothewisp
In case you are not familiar with some of A2K's methods of finding things, here is the site that contains all of Cav's posts. It will make it easier for you to find his memories.

BBB

http://www.able2know.com/forums/search.php?search_author=cavfancier

I was wondering about something. The daily newspaper in my (relatively small) city publishes an obituary page (as opposed to just death notices). They used to be free but now they cost a bit; but not a whole lot for four or five paragraphs.
So on any given day you will find out the often fascinating story of someone who spent his entire life farming or laying bricks, getting married at a young age, raising kids and, oh yes, there was the day he landed on Normandy. Written by someone in the family, usually.
Big city papers have obit writers, but only for people who became an author or a movie star and happened to die on Sunday, February 20th.
It would be nice to see an obituary for Paul (who most of us only knew as Cav). Respectfully, I hope, john

I will miss cav very much. He was a dear, dear man. He had a wicked sense of humor and a way with food... An appreciation of it that matched his appreciation for his wife, I think. I shall miss his input around here. He really made this site a welcome place to post. I loved reading what he wrote! My condolences, buttercup and family!

Wow, he was so young! I remember the day I joined A2K looking at his avatar with my 'what the hell' face and laughing out loud. He'd say something, and even amidst a heated debate you couldn't help but smile.

My heart goes to all of you who had a chance to know him better.

Love,
Erye.

Im drawn back to this thread just for a sense that , yes cav is really gone . What great fortune to have crossed with his life at whatever level weve been able. Most of us knew him as the witty clown with the very irreverent sense of humor. Somebody who, as a chef, generously dispensed food ideas and kitchn wit, and what really got me, was the breadth of his facilities.
Yes, We were all certainly fortunate even though, tragically, it was for such and abbreviated time. You could never pin him down, with his good humor and grace, hed calm whatever normal "family squabble" was going on around him. This he often did with humor that involved bodily noises or fluids, he wasnt too particular.
The other day I walked down to the woods and took a couple of his downloaded poems to read while I sat on my log seat that overlooks a small swamp. I read a few poems , remarked to myself about his skill in metaphor , shed some tears and sat there thinking about fragility and all this temporary condition of life.
If our true legacy is how our lives are remembered , cav can be assured that he has a great one that is secure.


Now, in proper Nawlins style, the jazz band must go upSt Charles St and play some rousing jazz tune that can give cav a happy start on his journey

Good bye buddy.

will o' the whisp; just wanted to welcome you personally.
i enjoyed (is that the word?) your eulogy, as it will always be emotionally salving to learn more about Cav's 'other lives'.
we didn't get a chance to speak together at the funeral; something we can hopefully 'adjust' here; glad your 'in'!

[the family expands]

here is what cav posted friday, nov 24, 2004 under " what denomination will have the most members in heaven ?"

"Yer all gonna be sorry when you find out the Jews were right."

he can still make us smile even though he his no longer on the same planet. hbg

I'm probably wasting my time. I lost count of the number of times I wrote a post here, or in another thread, or wrote a PM to someone and deleted it. I tried to PM you, nimh, when you posted a note about what happened on a thread--I wrote several--but ended up deleting them. One was awful--"Please don't talk to me about this." Then, I must have tried three or four. I couldn't type his name. Something about that was too final.

I don't know if I'm the only one, or if someone else had the same problem. You feel like, with certain people--saying something--no matter what it is--will diminish what they were--and what they were to you. Because nothing I put down in any way approached who he was to me--or who he was in any way. All of us (oldtimers, at least) have people here they love, or really admire, or count on in some way for something important to us.

I hated to reread my posts and see they wallowed about how he affected me. I couldn't stand for it to be about me. And, when it focused on him--it was like chaff that burned away. But, the shock and confusion has worn off, and the reality has set in. Its not going to go away. And, I won't let him pass from here without putting down some tribute--no matter how unworthy.

A lot of times, we (people in general) tend to deify people when we lose them. We get overly emotional and assign them superhuman characteristics--and soon they are an almost unrecognizable mythological gods, whom everyone loved.

Weird thing in this case: It was true.

He was unique to this place and this world, in my estimation. He exerted himself toward making peace. He showed love to the unlovely. He is a beautiful, rare soul.

He had the deepest insight and gifts. He was extremely complex--but he adapted himself to each one of us--and wore his deep intellect lightly.

His absence is settling in with me now.

I spent the first few days reading over his posts, like a lot of people--but was unable to address what has happened. Instead, I dramatized a textbook example of frustration-aggression theory. It is hard to explain, as many of you have tried, how a person can sit in front of a monitor and just cry. When I read Buttercup's first post about what had happened, I became sick.

It is almost surreal to be in a store, shopping--hear a song--and have to go to the restroom because you can't explain to the person you are with why tears are streaming down your cheeks.....because something has reminded you that a person you knew on the internet has died, and you can't stop thinking about him.

Something about this is too hard to take. I can't hear the song "Starry Night" anymore without tears. He has taken up permanent residence in the words

"this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you."

He was too kind, too understanding, too poetic, too gifted, too deeply loving toward his wife and the beauty around him, and too young.

He was one sexy Jew (wink at Cav), and I loved him. I loved the essence of him that he shared with me. Someone else said simply--He was a good man. Sounds simple--but it's rarely said with solid, unwavering confidence anymore.

He was a good man.

I'll never forget him.

Cav was the only person I ever ran across who would even consider making matzo balls with elk medallions. Gotta luv it.

Lash, I was wondering where you were. In the sense of worrying that you didn't know, and then the sense of worrying why you hadn't said anything.

Nice tribute.

Nice tribute Lash. Im the same way now when I hear a Stan Rodgers song.

I'm sorry, farmerman. I know you two had a more extensive relationship. I can't imagine it being harder--as I'm sure it is for you.

Who is Stan Rodgers, if you don't mind me asking?

I just found this -- it's a good summary of what was up with him medically, and another one that is reassuring to see how much support he got here and how much that meant to him. It's also not a little heartbreaking, though.

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=18228

Damn. You realize how fragile all of this can be. That post was made at the end of January, just a few weeks before his passing.

YOU'VE GOTTA LIVE EVERY MOMENT TO THE FULLEST!
You just never know when the end is coming.

That fact slammed home to me last year with my brother's passing. It was several months between his diagnosis of lung cancer and his death, not quite as quick as Cav, but all I could remember was less than a year earlier, we were sitting in the French Quarters in New Orleans having coffee and catching Mardi Gras beads.

I'm turning 50 this year and my new motto is, IF NOT NOW, WHEN? It's become clear to me that now is the time to start doing all of the things I've been putting off until later because later isn't promised to us.

Do you mean the above link, eoe? That was actually started a full year ago, January 2004.

Definitely about the importance of living life to the fullest. Go eoe.

Oh goodness. I'm sorry. When I read Jan. 29, I just assumed it was of this year, 2005.

The Nawlins jazz band marched by and on up St Charles Street, now do you hear what I hear? It sounds like clowns playing percussion on kettles and metal mixing bowls...

Oh yeah. Y'all in the throes of all of that as we speak, huh? Wish we could hear it! Did Cav ever write about New Orleans and food? He must have. Cav and Nawlins' would go together like a big hot bowl of red beans and rice.

I'm sorry to read about the passing of a fellow A2Ker. My condolences to his family and friends.

Could someone please post a link to this "other thread"?

Thanks kindly...