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Will o's memories of Paul/Cav

 
 
Reply Thu 10 Mar, 2005 11:13 pm
Greetings,

I have finally got around to setting up a topic where I can occasionally post some memories about my friend Cav. Please feel free to comment, and add some 'Net memories of your own, too! If nothing else, this will be a therapeutic experience for one and all.

Might as well start at the beginning...

Cav and I first met in Grade 5 at Forest Hill Jr. School in Toronto. I'm going to have to look up some old photos, but I'm 99% sure that our homeroom teacher was Ms. Berman. She was a nice person, from what I can remember about her.

We became friends rather quickly. As fate would have it, we were seated close to one another in our homeroom (4-5 seats away, I think), so we were able to talk quite regularly. Sadly, I don't remember our first conversation, although at the age of 11, it couldn't have been that profound. Or was it...? (heh heh heh) Laughing

Cav and I were different people, to be sure. But we had some similar traits -- creativity, curiosity, philosophical mindest, a love for reading and music. We also enjoyed writing short stories and offbeat anecdotes. The topics we chose wouldn't have won any literary prizes, but they weren't bad for our age and life experience. Our imaginations often ran wild, from offbeat individuals to silly stories about young girls. It was all "G-rated" material, but we definitely pushed the boundaries of good taste! I may have some of my old stories...I'll take a look for them, and report back when I get a chance...

If you ever wanted to understand the Zen of Cavfancier, these early stories were a great introduction. Here's what I remember: His humour was quite evident at this early stage of life; he cracked jokes on a regular basis; he wasn't afraid to speak up; his ideas were already thought-provoking; he constantly needed to be intellectually stimulated, even if it was just with simple brainteasers.

But there was another side to him. For instance, Cav was a sensitive individual -- he cared about his friends, and he cared about the world around him. He didn't care for sports, though (and the feeling was probably mutual). He could be moody at times, for reasons I still don't fully comprehend to this day. And he could be distant.

That being said, Cav always acted the same way with me. He let me enter his world, and he never closed the door on the way out. Why? I guess he trusted me, and enjoyed my company. I guess he regarded me as a true friend.

That's the way I felt about him.

I think that's enough for today. There's lots more to discuss, and many more things to tell you. Speak to you soon.

WOTWH
 
littlek
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Mar, 2005 11:18 pm
Great beginning WOTW - I would love to hear more when you return to this thread. I like the way "Zen of Cavfancier" sounds. Thank you for sharing.....
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BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Mar, 2005 12:21 am
will o' the whisp
will o' the whisp, so many of use will appreciate learning more about the growing-up Cav---and more about you, too. I hope you are able to keep writing about your memories of Cav.

BBB
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Mar, 2005 12:49 am
Well, now, as time goes by I am still not used to him gone, I think he is still here listening, and commenting, if only I could hear him.

Glad, will'o to hear your memories, they fill in a space for all of us, and remind me of my own life's spaces.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Mar, 2005 10:52 am
Thank you, WOTW.

It's good to hear about the young Cav. It really helped me to hear you speak to him, and of him, at the chapel. Sort of centred Cav in his real world for me.

Tell us more when you can.
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FreeDuck
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Mar, 2005 10:55 am
Thank you, willo'.
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will o the whisp
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Apr, 2005 09:54 am
Hi everyone,

I'm sorry it's been so long since I added a new note to this thread. Let's see where memory lane takes us today...

At Cav's funeral, Mezzie alluded to the fact that his brother often kept the door shut to his room, and didn't let anyone in (in a number of ways). He went on to ask our dearly departed Cav, "What were you doing in that room, Paul?"

It's a good question, Mezzie. And since I was in that room from time to time, I think that I am qualified to answer it.

Let's backtrack a couple of steps.

Cav was a complex animal. He could be very upbeat at times, and withdrawn at other moments. The mood swings were quite regular in his formative years, and less so as he reached adulthood. Personally, I think Cav was trying to come into his own and just couldn't quite figure out where he "fit in," so to speak. So, he tried to fit in with different people at different times in different ways.

Yes, faithful A2Kers, believe or not, the young Cav needed to belong somewhere. I know that's mind-boggling for some of you, and Cav is probably looking at me right now and saying, "What'cha talkin' bout', Willo'?" [apologies to Gary Coleman] But he knows exactly what I am talking about.

Cav tried to hang around with a lot of people, and would try to fit in with their friends, ideas, activities and so forth. Most of these people seemed to come and go with the drop of a hat. Of course, this never affected his friendship with me, or other long-time friends. But it was an interesting sociological experiment to watch!

Here's an example. In high school, Cav went through a short-lived Goth/alternative phase (in the budding years of the Gothic culture, as it really didn't come into its own until after we left high school). He used to dress in black clothing, and with one sole exception, me, all his other "friends" dressed in black clothing, too. Some of these people were quite nice, others were odd, and a couple were borderline crazy.

Although Cav tried his hardest to fit in, he wasn't really cut out for that lifestyle. There were some benefits to it -- a few cute women, some good music, etc. But it wasn't for him. He probably took some aspects of that phase of his life with him -- as we all do -- and continued his search.

So Mezzie, what was Cav doing in his room? He was reading, learning, listening to music, brooding and above all, trying to find himself.

In time, Cav realized that he was his own person, and this is when he started to open up a little bit more.

That's when he let you in, Mezzie. He knew that the two of you were very different, but there were similarities to build on. He respected you. He enjoyed talking with you. He was interested in your life. And he cared for you as an older brother, and as a friend.

Take care. I'll be back soon.

WOTW
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Apr, 2005 10:22 am
Thank you, WOTW.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that all of Cav's friends and family can express themselves so well.

Did he push us to do that, did he select us because of that ability?
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the prince
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Apr, 2005 10:34 am
Thank you WOTW.
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Apr, 2005 10:42 am
Thank you so much for sharing these memories with us, Will O. I somehow missed this thread and it must have been when I was taking a few week break. I'm so glad that Cav had such wonderful family and friends to share his life with.
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Swimpy
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Apr, 2005 11:06 am
I thought od Cav last night. They were promoting that Food TV program that Cav was to audition for. <sigh>
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will o the whisp
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Apr, 2005 06:46 am
Thanks to everyone for writing. I'm glad you have enjoyed my first couple of entries in this subject. There'll be many more to come, although not in any sort of chronological order.

I was intrigued by ehBeth's comment in particular.

Sitting back and thinking about it, yes, many of Cav's family members and friends are able to express themselves quite well. As it happens, I am a journalist, so I guess I have a bit of an extra advantage! Very Happy

In terms of pushing A2K members to be better writers and thinkers, I have no doubt he did this. Subtly, of course.

In terms of selecting this group based on their inherent abilities, only Cav would know this for sure. Having read some other entries and opinions on this website - whether I agree with them or not - I would guess that the answer is a resounding "yes."

WOTW
0 Replies
 
msolga
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Apr, 2005 06:55 am
Hello will o' the whisp!
It's good, reading about your memories of Cav.
Thank you very much!
More please, when you're able. Very Happy
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dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Apr, 2005 07:15 am
Thank you so much Willo!

It is lovely to be able to "ground" Cav in a real world and a real history - as well as just fascinating to hear your impressions of him

I shall very much look forward to reading more.

Reminds one that he is bloody well dead, though, dammit.
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msolga
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Apr, 2005 07:17 am
<sigh>
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will o the whisp
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2005 11:07 am
Greetings everyone,

Sorry for the long absence in posting some memories of Cav. My life gets pretty busy sometimes. Then again, I don't really have to explain that to most of you! Very Happy

After some deliberation, I've decided to head into Cav's love of music.

For most regular A2K members, it's not a big secret that music was a big part of Cav's life. In a few of the posts he left behind, there is a sprinkling of song titles and lyrics.

Yet, most of the lyrics deal with popular songs. I've found this odd, since Cav really wasn't into popular music.

Throughout his life, Cav delved into different musical styles. For example, his early LPs and tapes were primarily of alternative music, heavy metal and a little mix of classical and jazz.

One of the strangest albums in his collection (which he had on tape) was Duran Duran's "Rio." Shocked I always teased him about it, to which he often replied something to this effect, "I thought it was something different, and I don't know why I keep it in my collection." Yet, the tape wasn't sold and stayed around for years. Hmm... :wink:

Fortunately, Cav had relatively good taste when it came to music. I remember when we used to sit in his room - or my room - and listen to The Damned, Skinny Puppy, David Bowie (old stuff), Metallica (typically Ride the Lightening and Master of Puppets), Led Zeppelin, AC/DC and many, many others. We would also throw on classical music and jazz, blues, and occasionally some good Irish tunes.

In terms of albums, I don't remember this part of the collection very well -- you should probably ask Mrs. Cav (over to you, Naomi). I remember some rare albums, some old Beatles LPs, a few Rolling Stones albums, and some offbeat material here and there. I'm pretty sure he had some classical LPs...an Itzhak Perlman and LSO recording is sticking my mind, and I think it was his.

As he got older, Cav moved away from the classical/jazz scene (I remain fully entrenched), and into Irish, Celtic and even some Atlantic Canadian folk music. He and I were somewhat disappointed with the modern music scene from the mid-1990s on. There were some decent bands and solo artists, of course, but it just wasn't the same.

One topic that we used to discuss was, believe it or not, the demise of heavy metal music. I don't why we kept coming back to this topic, but we often did. Cav and I didn't fit that scene whatsoever, but we really enjoyed many of the bands. We both liked early metal pioneers such as Jimi Hendrix, Cream and Black Sabbath, so it was probably a natural fit. Even though I readily admit that this musical genre is loud and thrashy, some of the best guitarists in the world have been heavy metalers.

As well, Cav was an excellent musician. He played piano and guitar very well. He also had a few harmonicas on hand, and was quite decent from what I remember.

I saw Cav perform on a few occasions. I still remember when he played a song in high school at a Remembrance Day assembly. The song was called "9 x 9," or "Nine Times Nine" (I can't remember if it was numerical or spelled out)...it was one of his earliest pieces, and it was a good song.

Cav also made a few demos with some bands, make-shift outfits and even on his own. He even got a couple of record stores to sell a demo on consignment. I don't remember how many he sold, but suffice to say it wasn't enough for him to quit school and tour the world!

Mrs. Cav even played one of his demos a few weeks ago. I had heard it a long time ago, but had obviously forgotten the songs. It still held up pretty well.

I think that's good for today. Speak to you later.


WOTW
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2005 03:12 pm
Thanks again, Willo!!!!!
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2005 03:14 pm
The loss of Cav has left a big hole in A2K. There are times when I see a post, and I think,

"I wonder what Cav would have thought about this".
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2005 03:16 pm
Same here Phoenix. He is missed by all of us who loved him.
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msolga
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 May, 2005 05:04 am
will o' the whisp

Thank you so much for continuing to post.
I had no idea that Cav was an accomplished musician, though he was obviously very keen on listening to music! Very Happy He certainly packed a lot of activity into his short life, didn't he?

Lately, for some reason, a number of old A2K threads have reemerged & suddenly Surprised out of the blue, there's Cav again! It throws me every time & stops me in my tracks. His thoughts & comments seem very fresh & new. Gosh, he was/still is sharp! Very Happy
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