the wake

Grieving
There are no words . . . none that seem appropriate.

I've read through the posts. I thought I could divorce myself from the feelings; the outpouring of emotion; but I couldn't. I didn't think I would cry; but I did.

It's "easier" to take those feelings, lock them in a trunk, and avoid the reality. And that's what people have to do, initially, to get through the first days of the loss. There are so many details to attend to . . . and you're surrounded by other people . . . friends and family. But, eventually, those suppressed feelings are going to surface . . . they can't remain locked away forever.

He was too young. . . .

Condolences to Cav's family. Take care of each other . . . you will need each other even more as the days and weeks pass and the grieving process continues. Please don't forget . . . everyone here will still be here. You never have to be alone with your pain . . . just reach out . . .

Hello, mezzie! How lovely to see you here!

Thank you, Buttercup, Beth & Bo.
Beautiful.

I can't find my previous post here and wonder if it took. I just wanted to say again what I've said elsewhere: Cav was gentle, caring, insightful with such a positive and optimistic outlook on life I had no idea he was as ill as he was. He indeed loved his wife. He is very much missed by his friends. I don't know if he believed in heaven, but I bet he does now. They got a good one.

Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death they would be asked two questions and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife. The first question was, "Did you bring joy?" The second was, "Did you find joy?"
--Leo Buscaglia

Cav, you will be missed as you continue your journey in the afterlife.

I can't swallow. I refuse to believe. But I gotta.

Funny, smart, positive friends are not supposed to die.

Cav had a light. I am sure cav he will take it with him wherever he goes.

http://cinnabar10.tripod.com/memywifeandaplateoffood/ shows Cav at work and a pic of Buttercup. If you drag the pictures into your address bar you can see it full size. Good luck to Mrs C.

It really.. we have Cav's legacy to check whenever we want.

Wow. I don't even know what to say. When I first showed up on A2K, he was one of the first people I remember who was silly enough to play along with my goofy threads. I liked Cav. I wish his family well.

Well kick, I recall that one thing cav had said awhile back. He did want you and Ratzenhofer to seek some serious psychological help.

Here's something I found from one of the story threads. This is Cav's response to someone's question, "Can you imagine if Romeo and Juliet were being written today?"

Cav's response:

Romeo pulling up to the projects in his brand new Iroc shouting "Hey Joolie, my chiquita banana, it's loverboy, get yer sweet ass down here already!"

LOL

He definitely had a way with words

My deepest, sincerest sympathy to Mrs. cav. I can't imagine how you feel, ma'am. I don't know what else to say.

Thank you, kicky! That's the first time I've laughed on A2K since Sunday. Guess I missed that one of Cav's the first time around.

Hello
Mezzie and I have pretty well been telling everyone we know about a2k. It looks like there are going to be a lot of hits soon...

Again, although tradition dictates that we're not supposed to, I would like to thank each and every one of you for your kind and thoughtful words of comfort, wisdom and humour at this time.

I am home alone for the first time since Cav went off to meet Hunter S. Thompson. They're probably both waiting in line to see who gets to speak to William S. Burroughs first. I think Burroughs will be more challenged by Cav, to be honest.

I finally found the first poem that Cav ever wrote for me. I was looking for it before, but he didn't want me to find it until today, or at least that's what I think. I will publish it later in the Poetry section, but I just wanted to ramble a little bit, if that's okay. Like I said, this is the first time I've been alone since Sunday. It's peaceful here, in our apartment full of memories.

Actually, the first time I was alone was in the car this afternoon, after I dropped off my mom at her house. I was driving back, listening to one of Cav's favourite CDs of the current era, "Permission To Land" by The Darkness, something that I actually introduced him to. Then, I listened to that damned Bobby Darin song sung by Robbie Williams from that fish movie, and I'll tell you, it's not easy to cry and drive at the same time. But "Beyond The Sea" will be our song forever...when I got back to Cav's parents' apartment, my uncle-in-law noticed I had been crying, and I told him why. He told/reminded me that Sandra Dee had also died on Sunday along with Cav and Hunter. For those of you too young to know (like me), or who haven't seen the movie yet, Sandra Dee was the love of Bobby Darin's life. Some things are eerie when they come full circle.

I found out from my aunt-in-law that Cav's grandfather, the one whose memoirs were published here, used to watch "Star Trek" every night before dinner during his twilight years. Just like Cav.

The wee Cav is sleeping in the hallway. Every once in a while he emits a little woof in his sleep. It's very cute. I think he's dreaming about Cav, or maybe Cav is coming to him in his dreams.

Noddy, I am holding my dominion. I finally realise what that really means.

Tomorrow, Cav's parents and the wee Cav and I are going to do the Circle Walk. It's a walk that the family takes together at the end of Shiva, to put the past behind, to show that we're moving on, but also, to discuss the future; our hopes and fears about what we're going to do now. I think that there will also be another walk in Central Park this weekend with Cav's parents and Mezzie and Mrs. Mezzie. It sounds like a good tradition.

Somewhere beyond the sea
Somewhere waitin' for me
My lover stands on golden sands
And watches the ships that go sailin'.

Somewhere beyond the sea
She's there watchin' for me
If I could fly like birds on high
Then straight to her arms I'd go sailin'.

It's far beyond the stars
It's near beyond the moon
I know beyond a doubt
My heart will lead me there soon.

We'll meet beyond the shore
We'll kiss just as before
Happy we'll be beyond the sea
And never again I'll go sailin'.

I know beyond a doubt
My heart will lead me there soon
We'll meet … I know we'll meet … beyond the shore
We'll kiss just as before.

Happy we'll be beyond the sea
And never again I'll go sailin'.

No more sailin' …
So long sailin' …
Bye, bye sailin'...
Move on out, captain …
So long, ensign …

A beautiful song Buttercup…it moved me like it never did before

Circle walk. That makes a lot of sense.

I was telling mrs. hamburger tonight that I really appreciated the rabbi on Tuesday. She explained things so simply and enormously effectively. She really put the traditions in a good context for me.





I have an "oh, i'm so sorry cav" to share : I told Bo about this on Tuesday. Driving to the chapel Janet Jackson was on the radio, and Miss Thing made me cry. Now I'm always going to have Janet Jackson and cav connected in my head. I'm so sorry cav - I'd have been listening to another station if I'd had a clue.

Greetings A2Kers,

It is a pleasure to make your acquaitance. My name is Michael (new user name is will o' the whisp), and I am the other person who gave a euology at Paul/Cavfancier's funeral.

Cav and I knew each other for almost 25 years. We met in public school (Grade 5, I think) and remained friends from that day on. He was a great friend -- an intelligent, kind and highly creative person with a zest for life.

As I have recently discovered, most members of this forum knew this about my friend Cav. I'm glad they were able to experience the same things I did. To know that Cav had so many Internet-based friends -- and admirers -- gives me personal pleasure.

Following in the footsteps of Mrs. Buttercup and Mezzie, I will post my euology at some point. I also hope to drop by once in a while, either to post a memory about Cav or a new thought of my own. To be fair, my ideas and opinions are different than Cav's on a wide variety of issues. That being said, I think it will be a pleasant experience for me, and I hope it is the same for all of you.

FYI: I found out about Cav's involvement in A2K last year...by accident (a tale for another time). He sent me some of your posts from time to time, which I appreciated. I honestly think he would have got a kick out of my decision to join this group. It's the least I could do for my friend.

Take care.

WOTWH

Will o' - welcome and thanks for coming by. I hope you'll leave us tidbits now and then. I'm only vaguely friendly with any kids I knew in grade 5. I have a hard time imagining what it would be like losig a friend of 25 years.

Hola Wil o'! Welcome to A2K. Our opinions here are as diverse as our backgrounds so have no fear. I've had the same best friend for 20 years myself and don't want to imagine what you're going through. We have everything from hugs to heated argument to offer you here, in addition to 20,000 Cav Posts, so don't ever get too lonely.