what are the best comeback replies to defend an insult/troll/ bully?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_troll

In Internet slang, a troll (/troʊl, trɒl/) is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting quarrels or upsetting people, by posting inflammatory,[1] extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog) with the intent of provoking readers into an emotional response[2] or of otherwise disrupting normal, on-topic discussion,[3] often for the troll's amusement.



What is your definition of trolling?

i guess making fun of someone, which upsets em

Having a go to list of snappy comebacks is not the same as real spontaneity and wit. It's like people who memorise jokes for every occasion, all they're doing is confirming they have no sense of humour.

You're looking for a quick fix, there is none. You need to read a lot more, read some smart witty writers, maybe some of it will rub off.

People making light fun of each other is no big deal. Yes, there are times when someone can go too far. Each person and each situation is going to be different. For example, me and some of my friends will throw insults at each other back and forth. The difference is that we all know that no harm is meant and that the jokes are all in good fun. Some of our jokes can be very vulgar, but that's the kind of relationship we have. Just because you can jokingly insult one person doesn't mean that you can do the same with another person. Different people may have different types of relationships. It's not a one size fits all.

On the other hand there are times insults are said with the intent to do harm. The thicker your skin, the less the insults will bother you. In fact if you have thick enough skin, the insults may not bother you at all. We are all different. Some people have thick skin and some people are more sensitive to insults.

"If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't laugh it off, it's probably deserved"

People doing that to you at parties or social events want to generate some cheap laughs and popularity at your expense. The best way to foil that, is to make sure you can top his insults, turn them around on him so to say. That would be poetic justice too. However, that's easy to say, but quite hard to do though: and if you fail to deliver a good retort, the results will in all likelihood be worse: your troll might take your failed attempt and use that against you as well.

If you can laugh it off, that's a decent solution. It shows him you won't be belittled or shamed by his humor, and it doesn't force you to try and one-up him at his own game.

You can also try to ignore him, but that might be hard: your mocker might see that as a challenge, and redouble his efforts to belittle you. However, if people see you refuse to be a target, they'll eventually get tired of trying and move on to other prey.

How about "Buzz off, creep."?

Or, if it is a real bully and you feel threatened, "How would you like to be arrested for harassment ?"

This is ironically off-topic, and it seems like you are trying to start a quarrel. I love it.

Anyone who disagrees with me upsets me. Anyone who upsets me is a troll.

A response to a bully or a troll or just a nasty person depends on the situation. In many cases, the best thing to do is to simply disengage. If I am at a party and someone says something nasty... I will likely walk away. I am there for a party, not a confrontation.

If someone is attacking me persistently and directly, I will try to turn it on them. Humor is often a good way to do this. Again the situation is everything. If I care about the people around me, I will act differently than if I don't at all care what people think, or if I can count on the support of others there.

Physically threaten them. It works wonders.

yep, as a past leader once said,
"you will always get farther with a kind word and a gun, than you will with a kind word alone"

To troll is to drag a net across the bottom of the ocean.
A troll is some one who labors prodigiously, unrewarded and seeking no reward other than the joy of personal accomplishment.
A troll is a bad, mean, ugly thing, living under bridges in order to waylay and eat billy goats.
I was recently called a troll. i thanked them. I thot they were referring to my penchant for hard work. I discovered later that they didn't like my nonconformity. Oh well.

No, that's to trawl.

No. I am pretty sure that's the name of the tool I use when I build a brick wall.

only if you live in the parts of the US where we buy TARS for our cars

I used to know a guy who had a trolling motor along side the outboard engine on his fishing boat.

troll: transitive verb
a : to fish by trailing a lure or baited hook from a moving boat
b : search, look trolling for sponsors; also : prowl

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/troll

"Trolling" is with fishing lines. "Trawling" is with nets.