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Online Dating Advice- Please

 
 
JudyJ
 
Reply Wed 28 Mar, 2018 06:32 am
I remember when you were looked down on for finding a mate online but it seems like that’s the only way to meet someone now. How does someone like me, who consider themselves old fashioned when it comes to dating, navigate the whole online dating thing?
 
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Wed 28 Mar, 2018 06:59 am
@JudyJ,
I think it’s a good introduction, but some people get stuck in the on- line, then texting world, and never move beyond that.

I would make sure the person lives nearby and is willing to meet ASAP in a public venue, sans alcohol.

What’s your age? There are sites that cater to all ages and lifestyles.
jespah
 
  6  
Reply Wed 28 Mar, 2018 07:04 am
@JudyJ,
My husband and I found each other through the personals. It's virtually the same.

Here's what was tried and true 30 years ago and still is:
  • Use a good, recent photo, about your chest/neck up for your profile. Don't forget to smile! Have a good friend take lots and lots of photos (as in, I am not kidding, 30). Find your best angle. Wear makeup even if you normally don't, because the light can wash out your face and show every line and imperfection. So at least some concealer under the eyes is good. You don't have to go nuts with this.
  • Look at the profiles on the site(s) you're considering. Run a search for someone just like you. As in, what would a person put into their search criteria if they were looking for you. Some characteristics may matter more than others. Some spellings or terminology might make a difference. Saying you like movies might bring in a different group of searchers versus saying you like film, or cinema, or theater. Is it blond or blonde? You get the idea.
  • Take note of any abbreviations used by the site(s). Usually BBW = big beautiful women (e. g. plus-sized women), SWM = single white male, DJF = divorced Jewish female, and so on. There are some nuances for widowed versus white (usually widowed is a pair of W's) or Christian versus Catholic (which is C?), so take note of what all of that means.
  • Take paper and a pen and write down exactly what you are looking for. And I mean everything. Height, hair color, age range, etc. Now divide into attainable, nice to have, and pie in the sky. Those will help to define how you write your profile and how you run a search.
  • Age ranges usually run to about 5 years younger than you to 10 years older unless you have a preference or if the younger end is people who are underage or the older end is people who are too generationally different from you. You may have your own preferences (I won't stop you if you want to date someone 30 years younger if they're over 18), but this range seems to work well and it's at least a workable range when you search. But only use my range if you can't decide. If you know, then of course use your own.
  • Make a decision on distance. Will you take on a long-distance relationship? They're not easy. If you won't, then take out a map (Google Maps is fine) and draw a radius around your home location. Take into consideration things like X is an unsafe area, or Y is close but the traffic is so bad it might as well be too far away. Again, this helps you to write a profile and to run a search. When you mention location, use something well-known but not too specific. For example, "just west of Chinatown" or "off Route 15 near Springfield" or "Chicagoland area" or "Nassau County" or "Upper West Side" rather than "15th Street" or "Where the founding family lived in 1847".
  • Make a decision on kids. If you have kids, mention them in your profile but don't get into specifics. Kids are deal-breakers for some people, so it's better to get that out of the way immediately. Say something like "I have a daughter in college" or "Two kids in preschool" or "My grandchildren are my favorite people". If you don't have, don't want kids, say something like "Child-free by choice" or "No kids, please". If that's a deal-breaker for someone, then it's better for you to not connect at the search stage.
  • Go back to looking at the profiles for people like you. What makes them stand out (if anything)? Or do they all look the same? Everybody, it seems, likes long walks on the beach. Do you like something fairly unique? Then that's profile fodder. "I'm a writer" or "I love to dance. Will you be my partner?" or "Let's run a marathon together" or "I'm going back to college; will you carry my books for me?"
  • Get to writing a profile. Have a good friend look it over, to check for typos, to see if the prose can be tightened up or if anything is confusing or seems overly negative. There's a world of difference between saying "I won't date short men" versus "Looking for a tall man I can look up to". They both say the same thing and will both weed out the same people, but the second one is kinder and more positive.
  • Commit to searching and dating a bit, whatever works with your schedule. Ten responses to your profile might result in two dates (these numbers aren't scientific). But one hundred responses probably won't result in 20 dates, so be a bit more selective than that. Same thing with responding to someone else's profile. Your search will knock a lot of people out of the running automatically and you won't even notice that they're gone. And then weed through the responses. A match doesn't have to be 100%, but you also shouldn't be accepting every single invitation or writing to every single semi-matching profile, either. Be somewhat selective because you just plain won't have the time to date everyone, and going on even one date with someone you're only marginally compatible with is a waste of time for both of you. But don't be so picky that you insist on every single thing being 100% perfectly matched. It won't be. Go back to your list of what you want in someone. The attainable should be included for anyone you want to date or at least respond to their profile. But if that number is high, weed it down with looking for more of your nice to have characteristics or even the pie in the sky.
And have fun. Happy hunting!
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Wed 28 Mar, 2018 09:02 am
Jes this was amazing.

Great point by point breakdown.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Wed 28 Mar, 2018 11:00 am
@chai2,
Oh, thanks! It's pretty similar to how an online marketing campaign is set up.
0 Replies
 
centrox
 
  3  
Reply Wed 28 Mar, 2018 11:00 am
My mother died in 1966 aged 45. After 4 years my father placed an ad in the London Weekly Advertiser, well know for two things - used car and personal ads. He got quite a few replies, met some of the women, and married one of them, Pauline, my stepmother for 45 years. Kind of symmetrical.
0 Replies
 
JudyJ
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Mar, 2018 11:57 am
@PUNKEY,
Thank you for the advice. I’m in my late 30’s
0 Replies
 
JudyJ
 
  3  
Reply Wed 28 Mar, 2018 11:58 am
@jespah,
Thank you for the AMAZING advice
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Wed 28 Mar, 2018 12:16 pm
@JudyJ,
My pleasure - go knock 'em dead Wink
0 Replies
 
 

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