How do I propose?

nappy- Proposals can be as public or private as you desire. There is only one person who really NEEDS to know about this......................your intended. Then the parents need to be told, then friends and relatives. If the two of you are very "social", you can put an announcement in the society column of your local newspaper, but that is not necessary. Most people don't do this.

As a woman, I would prefer picking out a ring with my fiancee, to be given it as a surprise. There is something sad about a guy shelling out big bucks for a ring, the gal not liking it, but not having the heart to tell her fiancee. The ring has important sentimental value to the woman, so, IMO. it is important that she has some say in its choosing.

Many young couples, strapped for cash, opt for a modest ring. A number of people that I know, got their "rock" years later, as an anniversary gift.

I'm with Phoenix. The proposal can go any way you want it to, and I know I'd love the chance to pick out my own ring, so maybe you could do that together.

Wow! Best wishes to you both.

Aside to Nappy- One of the things that women like to do best, is to shop around in jewelry stores. The only thing that you need for her to know, is your price range, so she can adjust her expectations to reality! Have fun!

To my mind, a private proposal is best. A proposal isn't a theatrical event for the general public to enjoy--and criticize. It is an extremely private, romantic moment between two people.

Every time I read of a guy proposing by billboard or with a trio of waitpersons singing O, Promise Me or delivering a dozen red roses by dogsled, I shudder.

These showmen have big egos--bigger than their love for the women they are proposing to.

Phoenix and Montana are right on target about the ring. Marriage is a partnership.

Congratulations to you and best wishes to the bride.

I agree with Noddy on the public proposals and I also think that puts a woman in a bit of a spot. If the woman so much as want to think about it before giving her answer, it's a heck of thing to have to say in front of others.

I hope everything goes well for you both.

i always wondered about rings. I was thinking can't I just buy a fat expensive rock and then put it on a simple cheap band, then the future wifey can go pick out what syle ring she wants with the rock.

The ring thing is interesting. Most women in my circle opted not to have an engagement ring. Too much money wasted on something silly to their way of thinking. Not sure if it's a generational thing or what.

I never really wanted one. Tossed the one I did get into a crowd of people at a folk festival during a fight. I don't think they're necessarily necessary.

And the public/private thing is also very much individual to the couple involved. I don't hear too many 'real' people talking about public proposals.


Do what feels natural to you, Nappy.

I didn't need a ring either. I wanted one :wink: .......but I didn't need a ring to remind me of his love.

Do what feels right.

Yes. Most jewlers would be more than happy for you to pick your stone and your setting seperately. Just go in and ask. Explain your situation and see what they can do.

My ring isnt a diamond at all.
I personally hate diamonds.
Not only have they become more about show then anything else, they are BORING.
who wants a clear rock? Huh? Why?
When there are dazzling dark blue sapphires, bright red rubies... etc?
Clear? ah... looks like water to me.
Mine is a ruby. big red thick shiny ruby. :-)

Some women have issues with the conditions under which diamonds are mined.

Also, diamonds are terribly overpriced. If you pay $3000 for a stone, you'd be lucky to get $400-$500 for it. Remember, "Diamonds are forever" is a beautiful thought coined by the diamond cartel to sell diamonds.

Personally, I have no use for cut stones. I value cameos and intaglios and other carvings--or intricate metalwork-- that shows craftsmanship.

Noddy, you read my mind. I refuse to wear diamonds, don't own one and never will, out of principle. Too many people died in the dirty war in Sierra Leone and around, too much money gets laundered through diamond trade, all in all it's one nasty business.
I would like a ring though, as a symbol. Provided that the chosen one will wear one too. Don't matter what it looks like or how much it costs. Just has to be interesting.

I have an anniversary ring that I wear as my wedding ring. It's what I wanted.

Nappy, are you getting the idea here that women all want different things? Good! If I were you, I'd propose and then, if she accepts, suggest you go ring shopping together. She should buy yours and you should buy hers, although the woman's ring is typically more expensive. (Don't believe the ads saying you should spend a certain amount based on your salary...that's ridiculous. The two of you shouldn't have to sacrifice too much for a ring.)

Some people have family rings they want to hand down. I think that's lovely, providing the bride likes the style. I know one guy whose fiancee' didn't particularly like diamonds, so they chose a sapphire to replace the large center diamond in the ring. That made the ring part family tradition, part theirs. I really liked that. They took the diamond and had it made into a pendant and gave it to his mother at their wedding (the ring had originally been hers.) She was beyond thrilled.

hmm
I thank you all for your responses. I have seldom seen such great advice and information from a user forum. And you guys all write so eloquently!!

Sorry for my lack of responses, I have been away for a couple of days.

I have one more issue of cocern. That is.....

When I propose to a girl does it have to be in some public forum (ie. do it at at a restaurant) or can I do it privately? (say after dinner, and we go home).

Anyway, I am wondering what you ladies would think if you were my girlfriend after a romantic evening and I propose to you at home. Does my proposal lose some lustre because it is not done in public?

Anyway, I just want to make that day special for her (without me feeling uncomfortable if possible).


Thanks

hmmm
Sorry for my negligence, but I think you gals/guys have already answered my question.

I know what to do. Thank you.

hmmmm
Anyway this is what I am planning to do.

I am flying and giving her a surprise visit this valentine's day weekend (believe me I do not really care for valentine's day. In the past, I have done jack all but u know I see this as an opportunity to do something really special, totally unexpected).

At our first meeting, I have a nice box of dark chocolates (her fav) for her.

I already booked a place to have dinner with her on sunday (hope she isn't busy hehe).

Then after dinner, we are just gonna stroll around the park where the restaurant is located and then head back to hotel.

If all goes well I am going to surprise her with my other gift which has this quote engraved on it: "It's just one wish, but it can last a lifetime". Soon after that I am gonna drop the "Will you marry me" bomb.

If all goes well she'll say yes and since there is a bed nearby, we proceed to making love.

I do not have an engagement ring so i'll take the suggestion of one user and discuss the possibility of getting one together in the near future.



A little bit about me:
- My girlfriend thinks of me as an unromantic guy that has never managed to surprise her. If I do this, and flip the switch on her, would it be effective?



THANKS A BUNCH

Sound great nappy. Really romantic and surprising and lovely.




I do suspect the first thing she's gonna want to do after saying yes - is call her mom - and her sisters - and her best friends. Women can be like that :wink:

Hey, that is a pretty cool idea. I like it! Good luck!

Love it, nappy!

Just for fun (and memories that will last a lifetime), you could use a silly ring as a temporary substitute. AFTER she accepts, of course. (Don't present it to her during a serious proposal.) The more outrageous, the better. Just tell her, "This will have to do until I can get you a REAL engagement ring." Then laugh!

Believe me, even after she has the real ring, she'll keep the temporary one forever as a reminder of the night you proposed. And THAT'S romantic.