Teen has NO friends.

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I there. I'm new here.

Usually it's girls not having friends but this time it's the guy. I'm 17 years old currently a junior in high school and I just realized that I have no small group of friends that I can hang out with over the weekend. It seems the group I usually hang out with has been distant to me. I tried to find reasons why they haven't been talkin to me that much. There are some people I talk to at school, but never hang out with them over the week.When I do I feel left out. Every guy I know has a girlfriend or has a girl that they are really close...probably that's why I can't relate to them anymore. I feel isolated and lonely. Something I don't like. It may be me but I reflected on this many times. I haven't said anything behind their backs.

Is this a phase? Should I be ashamed? Or is it me? Sad

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Ahhh high school. There are a million kids in highschool who probably feel the same way you do. You probably think everybody else is having the time of their lives, going to partys every weekend, but they are not. Probably most of them just hang around their family just like you do.

Find a club, sporting event, or hobby that interest you and I guarantee that you'll make friends. Just don't be too picky about how cool your friends are. I konw some people who had no friends in high school because they only wanted to hang out with the cool kids and rejected everybody else.

Hey, you still have college to look forward to. That is where I found most of my friends i've had the past 5 years.

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I didn't have any friends at all in high school, so I know how you feel. I went to a vocational tech school while my friends went off to the regular high school. There were only a hand full of girls in my school and for reasons I still don't know, they picked on me. I ended up quitting school at 15 because of it and I'll never forget how alone I was.
When I was in Jr high, I only had a few friends and they were kids just like me that didn't have other friends and we ended up being friends for life.
Maybe you could scope out kids that look to be feeling the same way you are and start up a friendship with them. I know that my very best friends in school were the underdogs, just like me.

Good luck and welcome to A2K :-D

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It's funny you said that becuase I feel like I'm always the underdog. People don't expect a lot out of me like they do for my bigger brother. I am actively involved in school. I'm in band but they have there own cliques, few I'm close too but never really hang out. Track is coming up but I feel it's getting repetitive and boring, same old thing everyday. I do pole vault but we no PV Coach!!!!! Mad

So there's no way I can get better. Kids at track aren't the warmest. Clubs, the clubs that have actual members are the scholastic bowl and improv club. Scholastic Bowl I tried once, wasn't my thing. Improv I'm active in but most of the kids there in cliques so I can't really relate to them. Good kids though.

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My advice is to just keep your head up and dont try too hard to make friends. If you're active in school, and it sounds like you are, friends and cliques will form naturally around you.

Just dont lose confidence, or walk with your head down, that will deter people socially. My first 2 years of high school were horrible, but the next 2 were wonderful ... in the end, your experiences will be what you make of them.

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TickleMeElmo wrote:

It's funny you said that becuase I feel like I'm always the underdog. People don't expect a lot out of me like they do for my bigger brother. I am actively involved in school. I'm in band but they have there own cliques, few I'm close too but never really hang out. Track is coming up but I feel it's getting repetitive and boring, same old thing everyday. I do pole vault but we no PV Coach!!!!! So there's no way I can get better. Kids at track aren't the warmest. Clubs, the clubs that have actual members are the scholastic bowl and improv club. Scholastic Bowl I tried once, wasn't my thing. Improv I'm active in but most of the kids there in cliques so I can't really relate to them. Good kids though.

Sounds like you're in the same boat I was in in, so maybe when you go to lunch and see someone sitting alone, you could go sit with them and start up a conversation. I did that with one girl and we are still friends 30 years later. Lunch time is a good time to scope out all the kids who are sitting by themselves and look like they'd rather be sitting with someone.
You sound like a great guy and I would have loved having you as my friend ;-)

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Montana wrote:

Sounds like you're in the same boat I was in in, so maybe when you go to lunch and see someone sitting alone, you could go sit with them and start up a conversation. I did that with one girl and we are still friends 30 years later. Lunch time is a good time to scope out all the kids who are sitting by themselves and look like they'd rather be sitting with someone.
You sound like a great guy and I would have loved having you as my friend ;-)

LOL, thanks Montana. It's been a month now, going on two, w/o a group of friends. It really stinks but I kept myself occupied...I just re-discovered why I love reading so much. Not a lot of people read these days...curse the telly Twisted Evil

. The feeling of belonging and being wanted was far and inbetween, I hope I can feel that way one day.

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Do they have a book club at your school? If not, maybe you could start one.

I agree with Montana about reaching out to new people. I moved to a new city 5 days before the beginning of 8th grade. I didn't know a sole on the first day of school and it was very hard. I had a rough first few days but I got a phone call from a girl who said she'd noticed me walking home from school and did I want to come over as she lived close by. That was almost 40 years ago and we're still friends.

When you feel left out of the conversations at school is it because they aren't talking about things that interest you or because you don't think they care whether you participate or not? Maybe there's a different group of kids who have likes and dislikes closer to yours.

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Do you plan on going to college? I found college a much easier place to make friends, and I've kept a few of those friends for a long time now. I was never much of a joiner, but I ended up talking with people during laboratory breaks, or going for coffee after class.. whatever, and gradually having different and interesting friends.

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I still talk to 2 people from HS. Both on a very irregular basis. Don't feel bad about this. You won't miss these people when you've moved on. College is the best. You will find a group with which you fit perfectly, because there are so many different kinds of people! Stick it out (I know it's hard!!) and think about the future.

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ossobuco wrote:

Do you plan on going to college?

Yes I do plan to go to college. A state university I'm not sure of...the campus is huge and making friends will be rather difficult. I might aim for a small liberal art college. I may look at schools in Texas, going to another state for schooling always interested me.

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I went to both, a small liberal arts college for women and a major university. I surprised my shy self by being much happier in the giant university. A much wider range of people to know, for one thing... it opened my small world right up. And yet I kept seeing familiar faces as I went between classes from one end of the campus to the other.
However I was doing in school, and my grades varied from very high to very low (heh), I always liked just being at that school.

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Hey, Elm. I'm a Sophomore - I get where you're comming from.

How many kids go to your school?

There's no other advice I can give you outside of make the first move! You have to go talk to them, or else it will never happen. What if they're thinkin' the exact same thing? Just find an interesting group of people and slip into their entourage one day. Once someone notices, introduce yourself in a cool manner, and go on with the conversation. If they tell you to skat, then do so - you don't want to waste time with 'em anyways.

I am a Moderate, Buddhist, pro-Abortion, pro-Homosexuality, and Straight Edge kid stuck right in the middle of Conservative, Christian, Anti-Abortion, Anti-Homosexuality, drugs-and-alcohol-galore country! You can imagine the clashes in personality. So yes, it was difficult for me aswell to find friends that actually fit my idea of the definition of the word. However, after comming out of my shell (and my shell is very, very layed I might add. I'm shy as hell) and just saying 'screw it,' and going up to the people I wanted to - I now have around three or four good friends there, and many more that are happy to see me at any given time.

Lose the tension, just go for it! What's the worst that can happen?

Last but not least: Do not, under any circumstances, settle. If you find someone who's cool with you, but you're totally uncomfortable around them, around their ideas or the things they're into - don't continue to hang with them just because you're lonely. You're worth more than suffering through an annoying aquaintance Rolling Eyes

:wink:

Good luck!

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Just like all of them are saying, keep your chin up. One thing I've learned about life, is that the way you carry yourself, and your attitude towards life in general, will reflect directly on your social life. How many kids in your high school are both outgoing and nice, but have no freinds? Probably none. Just let them know about you, someone will surely grab you and take you under thier wing. I've noticed that maybe they don't want to know you're trying. What I mean by that is, look at your Varsity Quarterback. Is he popular, cool, everyone looks up to him? Mine was, but he was also a good guy, not a jerk. But he never tried too hard, that's the trick. Just think of it as something like a video game. You have so much life left, you'll surprise yourself with what you can achieve with a positive attitude.

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Sanctuary wrote:

Hey, Elm. I'm a Sophomore - I get where you're comming from.

How many kids go to your school?

There's no other advice I can give you outside of make the first move! You have to go talk to them, or else it will never happen. What if they're thinkin' the exact same thing? Just find an interesting group of people and slip into their entourage one day. Once someone notices, introduce yourself in a cool manner, and go on with the conversation. If they tell you to skat, then do so - you don't want to waste time with 'em anyways.

I am a Moderate, Buddhist, pro-Abortion, pro-Homosexuality, and Straight Edge kid stuck right in the middle of Conservative, Christian, Anti-Abortion, Anti-Homosexuality, drugs-and-alcohol-galore country! You can imagine the clashes in personality. So yes, it was difficult for me aswell to find friends that actually fit my idea of the definition of the word. However, after comming out of my shell (and my shell is very, very layed I might add. I'm shy as hell) and just saying 'screw it,' and going up to the people I wanted to - I now have around three or four good friends there, and many more that are happy to see me at any given time.

Lose the tension, just go for it! What's the worst that can happen?

Last but not least: Do not, under any circumstances, settle. If you find someone who's cool with you, but you're totally uncomfortable around them, around their ideas or the things they're into - don't continue to hang with them just because you're lonely. You're worth more than suffering through an annoying aquaintance :wink:

Good luck!

Sanctuary, I'm in the exact same situation you were in. My high school is small, 156 juniors in my class, about 450 total in student body. I do have personality clashes with some of my classmates. I'm disappointed to say that my school is very "selective", meaning they only pick kids who they think meet up to our motto...'Where Leadership Begins'. I despise my school in this sense. I moved from group to group...stoners, jocks, tha band kids( which I currently am in), city kids( about 40% of the student body), none that made me comfortable. The band kids I can stand, some are just annoying aquaintances which are the ones that used to be close to me. I'm not fully out of my shell, my butt and legs are still in it.

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The world is much larger. Hang on to your seat belt...

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But while you are there, relax and be yourself. I know that takes work. Holding your head up sounds like jargon, but the dynamics of doing that also work. Makes you take a deep breath and relax, to some extent, if not perfectly.

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Thanks for the advice. Cool

Teen has NO friends.

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