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Can this be a red flag or am I overthinking?

 
 
katya07
 
Reply Mon 5 Mar, 2018 08:09 pm
Hello, so this man that I am going out with now (Which happens to be a gentleman, sweet man, really good, I have never gone out with a man like this. he is quite older, he is 46 and I am 29 going to be 30. Anyways he was married for 10 years and now he is divorced, his ex wife is way older than him she is almost 60, weird but true, and they still speak, and the other days she called him an he did not answer, but he had told me before that she calls him and asks him to go to her house an fix her car or to do this or that.

She lives in another city like 2 hours from were we live. he told me that he appreciates her very much, but he cannot even have the thought of kissing her or anything, he wants her very much, appreciates her but that's it. so I did get a little jealous and my mind was wondering, if he still has feelings for her rooted in him. its not like he talks all the time about her, but when he mentions his past and brings her up, I feel weird.he was 31 when he married her and she was around 44, I wonder if he married her for his papers to be here in the states.
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Mar, 2018 08:17 pm
@katya07,
katya07 wrote:
I wonder if he married her for his papers to be here in the states.


have you asked him?
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Mon 5 Mar, 2018 08:18 pm
@katya07,
katya07 wrote:
he is 46 and I am 29 going to be 30.

his ex wife is way older than him she is almost 60,


you do realize that he's closer in age to her than he is to you, right
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Mon 5 Mar, 2018 09:13 pm
@ehBeth,
stop confusing all this by using logic beth.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Mon 5 Mar, 2018 09:21 pm
@chai2,
http://i.imgur.com/pPlChcE.png
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Mon 5 Mar, 2018 09:24 pm
@chai2,
I know chai, beth is such a buzzkill.

On the serious side, maybe mr. wonderful needs a new girl to allow him to stay in the country.
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  3  
Reply Mon 5 Mar, 2018 09:26 pm
@katya07,
Quote:
o I did get a little jealous and my mind was wondering, if he still has feelings for her rooted in him.
He loved her for years. He's still her friend. It's very obvious he still has feelings for her (otherwise there would be no friendship)...that doesn't mean they are sexual feelings. Have you never been able to be friends with an ex?

Quote:
he was 31 when he married her and she was around 44, I wonder if he married her for his papers to be here in the states.
How does this have any bearing on your relationship with him?

If it did have any bearing:
- why would he bother staying 10 years (surely you get your citizenship before then); and
- why would he remain friends with her after it's over; and
- if she had any inkling, why would she remain friends with him?


0 Replies
 
najmelliw
 
  4  
Reply Tue 6 Mar, 2018 02:54 am
@katya07,
I don;t see any red flags here, anything to be jealous of. This has all the earmarks of a relationship that ended in an amicable divorce, and he still maintains friendship ties..

I don't think you should feel jealous, mostly because he seems to be up front about his relation with her(no sneaking behind your back)

Perhaps he did marry her to get his papers: it wouldn't be the first time such a marriage took place. If so, she did him a service and he is likely thankful for it. But yes, if you want to know, just ask him. It doesn't sound as if he wishes to keep secrets from you.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Thu 29 Mar, 2018 01:27 pm
@katya07,
My advice is this.

You don't enter a relationship worrying about whether it's going to work or not, if he's going to cheat or not, if he/she still loves someone else or not.

You enter a relationship to see where it goes, because you like each other and where ever it goes it goes.

If you take that attitude, there is no room for jealousy, no room for looking for red flags and no broken hearts.

If he is a gentleman, sweet, really good then focus on that and give that back.

"I feel weird he was 31, she was 44".

That's not much of an age gap, he was mature, she was mature, her more than likely more mature, eventually it didn't work out but they formed a good bond, therefore, friendship possibly a lot of respect.

You are 30, almost, he is 46, kind of identical don't you think? Only the other way around.

So you never know this could be a match made in Heaven.

Sounds as if you are worried that he left her because she is 60 and he is only 46, now wants someone younger.

See how when you over think instead of enjoying what you have and seeing where it goes, your mind questions everything.
0 Replies
 
 

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