Can this be a red flag or am I overthinking?

have you asked him?

you do realize that he's closer in age to her than he is to you, right

stop confusing all this by using logic beth.

I know chai, beth is such a buzzkill.

On the serious side, maybe mr. wonderful needs a new girl to allow him to stay in the country.

He loved her for years. He's still her friend. It's very obvious he still has feelings for her (otherwise there would be no friendship)...that doesn't mean they are sexual feelings. Have you never been able to be friends with an ex?

How does this have any bearing on your relationship with him?

If it did have any bearing:
- why would he bother staying 10 years (surely you get your citizenship before then); and
- why would he remain friends with her after it's over; and
- if she had any inkling, why would she remain friends with him?

I don;t see any red flags here, anything to be jealous of. This has all the earmarks of a relationship that ended in an amicable divorce, and he still maintains friendship ties..

I don't think you should feel jealous, mostly because he seems to be up front about his relation with her(no sneaking behind your back)

Perhaps he did marry her to get his papers: it wouldn't be the first time such a marriage took place. If so, she did him a service and he is likely thankful for it. But yes, if you want to know, just ask him. It doesn't sound as if he wishes to keep secrets from you.

My advice is this.

You don't enter a relationship worrying about whether it's going to work or not, if he's going to cheat or not, if he/she still loves someone else or not.

You enter a relationship to see where it goes, because you like each other and where ever it goes it goes.

If you take that attitude, there is no room for jealousy, no room for looking for red flags and no broken hearts.

If he is a gentleman, sweet, really good then focus on that and give that back.

"I feel weird he was 31, she was 44".

That's not much of an age gap, he was mature, she was mature, her more than likely more mature, eventually it didn't work out but they formed a good bond, therefore, friendship possibly a lot of respect.

You are 30, almost, he is 46, kind of identical don't you think? Only the other way around.

So you never know this could be a match made in Heaven.

Sounds as if you are worried that he left her because she is 60 and he is only 46, now wants someone younger.

See how when you over think instead of enjoying what you have and seeing where it goes, your mind questions everything.