I want to have kids but she's not ready yet

That is probably the best reason I've heard.

It sure beats "but who's going to take care of you when you get old(er)?"

I know that's been asked of me several times, but honestly only one of those occassions sticks out in my mind.

It was asked of me by a really great nurses aide in a nursing home I worked at (think Hannah from Derek)

She asked me while we were walking down the hall, her pushing a resident in their wheelchair down to get a shower. Then she was going to take her back to her room where she had just put fresh sheets on the bed.

I wish I had said to her "Well, YOU!"

The big majority of people who live in elder care have immediate family. They aren't on the whole uncaring or not involved in some way. But, they aren't the ones "taking care of" the resident.

that is very true - my grandmother for example, my mom just couldn't take care of her. Sometimes as much as you care and love your parent, you are not capable. My mom wasn't a trained nurse - she was not in a position to care for her the way she needed. That did not show lack of caring as she visited pretty much daily.

I have children and I certainly did not have them to care for me when I get older - that is pure selfishness. That is the last thing I would want - I want them to pursue what they want. Now I don't expect them to shun me, but I wouldn't want that for them.

I just recently talked to my husband about looking into long term care insurance for just this reason.

Linkat, you know how when you see certain peoples names on A2K, one's that you've read a lot of their posts, and you immediately think about who they are inside?

The first word that always comes to my mind when I see your name is "mother"

That's because in my view, you are one of the more remarkable people who really are a mother. Being that, it increases your chances of raising remarkable children, and on to adulthood.

My neighbor/friend 2 doors down is like that. I do really like her 2 kids. That's because of how she and her husband is raising them.

I'm not convinced that many people decide to have children in order to raise productive members of society. Especially when more than one person over the years has said they wanted a baby because essentially "They're cute"

I don't know, does anyone look at their kid and think "he/she is going to grow up and be a totally average person, with a totally average job, who won't make any impact on the world at large, and they will go on and have some totally average humans, and so forth."
Because heretical as it is to say, that's exactly what happens the world over, generation after generation.


As I've said, children mostly don't interest me. I do observe more how the parents of children both behave, and appear to be dealing with life. I don't mean so much the person on the street with their kid. I mean the people I see on a regular basis during my day to day activities.

If there is one set of related phrases re having children that drives me crazy more than all the others put together, it's the subset entitled "You Don't Understand" Under that umbrella falls the "it's different when it's yours", "they're worth it" (that one usually after you've had to listen to how awful their day to day existence is), "If you had one of your own you'd change your mind", (what if I don't change my mind? "You've never known love until you've experienced the love you have for your child"....That one is funny in that it's saying you apparantly didn't really love your parents, or others. In any event, even that were true, ok, well, maybe I won't experience that love, and I'm totally ok with that.

I think that sometimes not being involved and right in the middle of the life most people deal with, gives me a more objective view. I never have to say "but it's worth it."

And why is this particular thing (a child) the only object that goes into those phrases? Who are you trying to convince? Certainly not the person who doesn't want kids. As Shakespear said, Thou dost protest too much.

I do know there are lot more people that didn't want children that ended up having them, and still not wanting them (although they won't admit it), then there are people who wanted them and never did. Again, heresy.

That is so sweet.

Although I try as a parent - I do things that are not best for my children - let anyone you make mistakes and do dumb things at times so as much as I like to hear this - I am not all that remarkable.

I do though have remarkable children - but in part I think I just got lucky. Well one child is a challenge quite often - but then after she drives me insane - I think about what bratty behavior she is exhibited and realize there is so much much worse things she could be involved with rather than swearing about us parents on her text messages or claiming she is going to sneak out or whatever, but then does not actually do it.

I am so fortunate (at least right now) that my kids are generally good and at the very least are good for other people if not always well behaved with us parents. My favorite line ever (probably because it is so true) is when my now 19 year old told me when she was a preschooler and I laid down the rules of behaving at someone else's home - "Don't worry mommy, I am not naughty with other people. I am only naughty to you and grammy".

Being remarkable isn't being perfect and not making mistakes. When someone like me who doesn't even pay attention notices something, well, you're remarkable.