I want to have kids but she's not ready yet

Besides, I've watched babies play. It's not that great actually.

I have raised 3 children. I would not trade this experience for the world. It is not for everyone, but for many of us raising children is deeply fulfilling.

Life is short. If you want children, then you should have them. If your partner doesn't want children, you should find another partner.

Thank you for childed person auto response 743B-2.

It's often spoken whether true or not.

Having the kids at the weekend doesn't really count.

huh?

Izzy is being a little prick; that's aimed at me. Two or three years ago, he had a nasty little tantrum. He attacked my kids. I shot back. Neither of us behaved very well. I let it go. He can't let it go... he keeps bring it up in multiple threads over a couple of years.

He should ask himself if he really wants to go there again.

That's the extent of Max's parenting.

Izzy is being childish and trying to be mean. Obviously he doesn't know anything about my personal life other than what he imagines. But fine.

I have raised my daughter since she was born. My ex-wife and I raised two sons together before we divorced (now adults). My daughter now stays with me the majority of the time because I work from home which makes it easier. I am happy that my daughter has her mother around... it is nice to get some alone time and my daughter's relationship with her mother is a good thing.

I do understand why Izzy is so angry all of the time and needs to lash out. I imagine Izzy's wife was a good person, I am sure that she wouldn't approve of his childish behavior here. And I do feel sorry for his children.

That being said, being a parent is one of the most important and rewarding parts of my life. And, I recommend that anyone who wants to have children should do so.

Maybe Izzy agrees with me on that point. I hope he isn't bitter about his own children.

You lied to Germlat about being a single parent. You allowed her to believe you were like me, someone who had sole responsibility for kids 24/7. That was a lie, your ex wife has custody, you just have the kids at the weekend.

I suspect that's not the only lie you've told about yourself either.

Real parenting is a full time job.

People should be free to make whatever lifestyle choice they feel suits them, without someone else carping on about how their choices are so much better.

Izzy. You are a bitter man lashing out at anyone who dares to disagree with you.

1. Divorced people, or people who were never married, can be single parents. It is a matter of being single, while being a parent. How many years ago was this now... you keep bringing it up as if your self-righteous battle against the unclean was vindicated. But really it is pathetic.

Maybe this is a British thing, or maybe you're just not that smart. I am very sorry that you have "sole responsibility" for kids. You can be a single parent even when your child's other parent is still alive and many of us are.

2. Parenting is a full time job even for people who are married. You were a "real parent" while your wife was with you.

3. You have no way of knowing what my custody arrangement is. You are making that up based on gender stereotypes and bitterness. You are being an asshole about that.

For countless threads you seem to be obsessed with me over several years. I should be flattered... but you are really pathetic.

I have never once engaged with you, this is you following me around from thread to thread to make this same attack based on your bitter reaction to a comment made years ago.

Get a life dude.

Izzythepush has been following me around everywhere voting me down and lying about me for about seven years now -- all because I didn't let him get away with making horrible false accusations against Israel.

Children are good that is good. Try to talk to her, maybe she is afraid to grow fat after giving birth, she may not be morally ready to bear such a responsibility, she may just be afraid to give birth .... Sit and discuss everything, you will express all yours for! And if she is still against it, put off this conversation and do not raise! there is no need to bother, and there will be time again. If she is again categorically, then it's up to you, you are more valuable than your wife or possible children. Every year the chance to get pregnant falls.

My personal thoughts on the comments of

"Life is short. If you want children, then you should have them."

and

"People should be free to make whatever lifestyle choice they feel suits them"

Neither are true in quite a few cases.

I'm not sure why and when so many people evolved blinders involving having a child or children because "I want them" or "It's my choice".

It is too many times be without regard as to whether the person in question would be even an adequate parent, be able to provide a child with even the minimum of materials to raise them (not to mention being able to provide a bare minimum of emtional support).

Yesterday I listened to two back to back stories on NPR. Here is the link to the first one...

Keep in mind the following are just a couple of types of situations.

http://nprillinois.org/post/why-1-3-families-has-trouble-affording-diapers#stream/0

I'll see if I can find the 2nd one in a bit.
Albeit, one might see the title of "1 in 3 families" a bit of a misnomer, as they were addressing a specific county in CT. But I'm positive one could find similar resulsts in countless other counties.

The gist of the story is that many people are unable to provide enough disposible diaper for their child(ren). Keeping in mind they give the cost of a DD at 20 cents each, and when I looked up the average number of diapers needed per day, it averages around 10 per. Of course this isn't getting into when the child is sick, etc.
When you don't have enough DD to send your child to daycare, they can't go that day. You then miss a day of work, and the pay that comes with it. Nice catch 22.

People must resort to rinsing out and drying DD, scraping of feces and putting the DD back on the kid. It's obviously not something a person would readily admit to, but just as obvious it happens much more than one would like to think.

So, the average cost of $2 a day is way beyond the means of a significant number of people to provide a child with a place to relieve themselves.

Use cloth diapers you say? Not if you don't have access to adequately clean those diapers in the home. That was addressed in the article as well. I'm thinking if you can't afford 20 cents a diaper, you're not living in a place where you could even hand wash them, find a place to dry them, so that the entire apartment becomes a hazmat zone. Also, cloth diapers aren't cheap.

All this is not even getting into the fact if you can't afford diapers, how are you able to give even adequate nutrition to a child? That's just the start.

Yet, many of these people "wanted" a child, so by George, that's what they did. So more than likely condemning themselves, and maybe/probably their children to the cycle of soul crushing poverty.

It's not just economic either. One doesn't have to go far, or click too many times, to read the latest horror story of children found killed, severely (or in any way) abused, neglected, etc. People with no ability or mind set, even if they are economically secure, to have any business even being near a child, go ahead and have them. Why? Because they want them.

I want all kinds of things I have no business having. Everyone does. I want things that I would be able to keep in good working order, and gain a lot of pleasure from, but I don't have them for one reason or another. Some of those things I have always really, really wanted, but, I'm never going to have them. Yet somehow I soldier on. Despite knowing these things would be appreciated, cared for and life enhancing, I still manage to have a totally fine happy life.

Yet, in our modern times, as soon as anyone expresses their desire for a child, they must have them, by any means. That's even if a stray cat could look at the person and know it's the last thing in the world that needs to happen.

I hope the partner of the OP stands by her guns and refuses to have a child. Unfortunately, for many people, they are unable to tolerate the pressure from many sides to have a child, and end up complying. They do this with the desparate hope that someone who threw out Bingo #743, "It's different when it's yours", or Bingo #42-C "BUT EVERYONE WANTS A BABY!", or many others was right. I mean hey, they must know you better than yourself, right?

So, no. Everyone who wants a baby should not have them. If your "lifestyle choice" means bringing another person into the world, when you have no desire, or business having one, you should wake up and realize life aint fair.

Oh. The other story I mentioned? Not directly about children, but definate connections can be made.

Regarding people who end up living long term in motels, one reason being they can't get the first, last and security together to get an apartment.

I forget where, but they are trying to pass an ordinance where no more than 20% of a motel/hotels rooms can be alloted to long term residents.

The owners don't like this, because if you have a place that is affordable to mostly those who don't have other options, it's obviously not a Hilton. It's more run down, and the owners would be out of business because they don't have the money to fix up the place to attract guests other than long term people.

The people living there don't want it, for obvious reasons.

A woman was interviewed who has lived in such a motel for over a year, with her son.
She has a job, can afford (barely) the room they stay in, and would gladly get another place if she could scrape together the money. She just can't. One comment she made was heartbreaking to me. She said "I've thought about asking the owner if I could start a small vegetable garden out back. But I can't do that if we're going to be evicted. I would have to leave the garden behind." Now how close to the skin of your teeth are you living where abandoning a little spit of dirt, where you maybe dug up the ground with a tablespoon, and your investment consisted of some seed packets and other make shift tools, is cause for concern?

But then, in the next breath....

She said that a 2 bedroom apartment would cost $1300 a month (a little over $40/day, what I imagine she's paying for a room). She can's saving up the security, first and last.

My thought was that she's currently living in a one room situation. It's been over a year. Now, suddenly she needs 2 bedrooms? She's already sleeping in the same room with her son. In an apartment there's that option, or the second person sleeping on the couch. It's like you want to jump from one situation you've been dealing with for a long time, but can't think in baby steps of at least having more than one room, which would seem like a palace.
Why? Well because child essentially.

If you have more money than Midas, are not suited to be a parent for whatever reason, but want one, you shouldn't do it.

If you are in poverty, and want some sort of chance to crawl out of it, and as importantly, don't want to condemn another generation to the same life, put your selfish wants aside, and do the right thing.

People who choose to not have children are many times called selfish. Well, first off, yeah? So what?

People who want to have and go ahead and have children they have no business having, are ever so much more selfish.

Have you tried sitting down with her to discuss this in detail with her? Is there a specific reason that she doesn't want to have kids yet? do her family goals align with yours? will they ever?

These are all important things that need to be discussed. I think open communication would be the best bet in this case. If you don't get to talk about these things with her it could harbor resentment and having an issue that isn't openly talked about and blown off this large could lead to a blowout.

Obviously you are both married for a reason. You both love each other and this should most certainly be a topic of discussion. There are always different things that go on and every relationship has different circumstances around them.

I hope I was able to help at least a little bit.

Dont worry. Some day she will want the same. Just wait and still love her. And in few years she will give u a kid.

Or not.

I suspect this Ketrin is one of those "here today gone tomorrow posters" You know, the ones whose few posts contain absolutley no depth.

While that's probably the case, it is amazing how many other people IRL will express such things, looking for every little loop hole to get someone else to tow the line to their own totally oblivious life.

I'm fortunate in that not too many people in my life have been this insistent, but invariably, the one's who are have known me for about 7.9 minutes, or in the case of people I've been aquainted with a longer time somehow think I'm just like them.

Never, and I mean never, has anyone proposed a reason I should have had children that was anything more than some mindless prattle to fill the empty space after the answer of "no" after asking if I ever wanted children.

PSA: If you ask someone if they have kids, and the answer is no, that is the end of that subject. Full stop. If the answer is no, then follows some statement like "it's not that I don't like kids", or some other vague statement, that is still the end of the subject. Talk about something else.

Having kids, who are now grown up, means you can send them down the offie to get the beers in.