Shakira
I've decided to respond to your post one thing at a time, so you'll understand the things you should be looking to change about yourself for your own well being. I know you're hurting, but there are ways to prevent that in the future.
Shakira wrote:Ok, this is going to be really long. I started going out with this guy (Nikhil) 7 months ago but we broke up 2 weeks ago(January). The thing that happened is that we never got a long from the beginning but some how I got emotionally & physically attached to him. He loved me a lot as well, he did everything he could to make me happy but I still complained a lot because he could never do anything right.
Saying he doesn't do anything right must make him feel lousy. I know I'll feel pretty crappy is someone that loved me said this to me. Words can hurt terribly when you love someone.
Shakira wrote:I always had a problem with him not calling me on time but he always tried. He still messed up a lot of times, like sometimes he would get so busy that he would forget to call me and I always had to wait for him to call. Sometimes he didn't have a reason for not calling, he would just not want to?
You are making a big deal out of waiting for him to call, but you also know how busy he is and you know always tried. Instead of waiting around the phone, knowing he may not have time to call, do something else. This would be a good time to do that pampering of yourself I mentioned before. Sitting by a phone waiting for it to ring can be very frustrating, so don't do that.
Shakira wrote:He would fall asleep on me. When I got mad about it he apologized and he said that he loves me a lot.
Now, why would you get mad because he fell asleep on you? He was obviously tired and that's what we all do when we're tired. A little understanding goes a long way.
Shakira wrote:The relationship wasn't turning out to be the way I wanted but I dunno whenever I met him or talked to him for longer than an hr on the phone everything just seemed right. But the problem was he got sick of me getting upset over little things.
You said the relationship wasn't turning out the way you wanted, but you never mention what he might want. A relationship is about two people and that's the first thing you have to keep in mind. Of course he's getting tired of you getting upset over little things, just like anyone would. Put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if someone you loved was always upset with you. That would kinda suck, wouldn't it?
Shakira wrote:Also, we got into a lot of arguments, almost every week but we some how always ended up making up and getting along well. Although, I always told him to go away, like I would tell him that I dont need him anymore and he should leave me but he never did, we always found a way to work things out. But last month(December) I told him to leave me alone and I want to break up and he actually left.
Well, of course he left. You were playing mind games with him to see how far you could push him and now you know. I'm sure that in your mind you were testing him to see how much he really loved you by seeing how much crap he'd put up with and that was a huge mistake on your part. Can you imagine someone you love doing this to you all the time? He must have been so hurt every time you did this and you need to put yourself in his shoes to understand what you were putting him through.
Shakira wrote:He stopped calling me or taking my calls.
Well, yeah!!!!
Quote:I kept calling him and leaving messages. He got so pissed at me because I told him I don't like him right before his exams, he couldn't concentrate so in order to concentrate he completely ignored me till his exams got done. He told me he needs a 2 weeks break. So, he came back and asked me what I wanted, how I feel about him and of course I told him I want him back but sadly he didn't feel the same way about me.
Of course he doesn't feel the same way about you anymore and you have no one to blame but yourself. I use to love my ex, but after he started abusing me, my feelings for him changed dramatically until I no longer wanted to be with him. He's only human.
Shekira wrote:His exacts word were "I don't think I want to be with you" but some how I convinced him to be with me and I told him that everything will work out between us and I'll try to be more nicer and accept him the way he is(not complain when he doesn't call or doesn't have time to meet me). So, we were talking on msn once and I told him to come and meet me, so he did. We totally made out in the car and we did a lot of other things. The next day he tells me "I don't think we should be together because our relationship is physical" In a way, it's true we usually make out when we're together. We don't do anything besides that. Like, we don't go out to see a movie or go out to eat. For the past 7 months all we did was make out. But he didn't have a problem with that before but now he said he wants more out of a relationship. So, I said ok to him and we broke up then I couldn't stay without him so I told him to come back to me again and he came back but I dunno the feeling wasn't there anymore. I felt like he wasn't interested in me in at all..and things between were not ok at all, he preferred hanging out with his friends more than me.
He obviously has feelings for you because he came back, but the damage has already been done and he's realizing that his feelings for you will never be the same. When he said "he wants more out of a relationship", he's saying that he needs the emotional aspect of the relationship to be as solid as the physical one. The emotional well being of a relationship is the most important part of a relationship and that means having compassion, patience, and understanding of eachother.
Shakira wrote:We needed to talk more and hangout more because we broke up for a week, we needed to get things back to normal but I dunno, he said that he ignored his friend for the past 3 months and he doesn't feel like doing that anymore. He's just making up to them..but didn't he care about us? What about us? Our relationship was on loose strings. So, I was ok with it until he started hanging out with them everyday and wouldn't call me at all. He would only call to let me know that he's going to be with his friends and he won't be able to call me.
Can you blame him. I'm sure he's having a good time with his friends where he can be himself without being judged. Atleast he called you to tell you he was with his friends. You could have taken this time to hang out with your friends ;-)
Shakira wrote:So, obviously, I started complaining and this one time I told him to come and meet me and he said he was busy and I told him that couldn't he make it? And he was like ok, I'll be there. Then he didn't show up!! He called after 40 mins to let me know that he won't be able to come.
There's the complaining again! I'm assuming he didn't show up because he knew that all you were going to do was complain.
Shakira wrote:Okay, Icome from an Indian family and it's hard for me to tell my parents that I'm going out late at night, they're not ok with me having a boyfriend. So, I got really pissed at him for that and he was like...sorry and it seemed like that's all he has been saying for the past 2 weeks..sorry for everything.
And here we are pissed off again. Of course all he's been saying is "sorry", because all you've done so far is critisize him.
Shakira wrote:So, I got mad at him, in a way I over-reacted but I told him that the reason I over reacted at night. The reason was that things have not been ok between us and he's not willing to take time out for me and I feel like he's gonna break up with me again and all he said was "Just leave me alone for a bit" And then I didn't get any calls from him after that.
Getting mad at him because you're afraid he's going to break up with you is not going to send him running into your open arms, Shakira. You need to work on your anger issues and realize that you can't always get what "you" want. People need room to breath and you were totally smothering him.
Shakira wrote: His phone's deal ended as well so I couldn't call him and he was not on hotmail or yahoo. I cried and cried, I didn't email him cuz he wanted to be alone. I waited till my exams were done and then I finally emailed him and his email was "Hey, the reason I didn't email u was because I thought you over reacted that day when Ididn't come to meet you and I wasn't listening to you when you were talking(the night I told him why I overeacted). n yea, i don't think we should be together ebcause nothing is going to change between us so we're better off breaking up" I never emailed him back cuz I was heartbroken, I couldn't believe that a guy who once said he loves me more than his life could say that to me.
I'm surprised that you didn't see it coming. You told him you were going to change and you didn't, so he finally realized this and decided he had enough. You can't believe that someone who said he loves you could say that to you, but you said you loved him and look at how you treated him.
Shakira wrote:So, I decided not to reply back but I saw him on Yahoo and I messaged him and he said that he was sick of my constant nagging and that he didn't want to be with anymore after that phone call of mines but he just wanted to wait till I was done with my exams cuz he didn't want to disturb me. So, I was like ok..and I mentioned how many times he hurt me and he said that once he loved me m ore than anything but when he didn't get the love he wanted he stopped liking me!
Of course! Wouldn't you stop liking someone who was constatly nagging at you?
Quote:So, after that day he never came back on yahoo again. I miss him like crazy and I really really want him back!! I dunno what to do, I can't force him to be with me but I want him back. I dunno how to get him back. I don't think he's going to listen to me.
Of course he's not going to listen to you! Why should he? You promised him you'd change and stop getting angry with him all the time and you didn't follow through, so he can't trust your word.
Shakira wrote: Anyhoo, he's talking to his ex friend again(internet gf). I saw her little message on a website. He is registered on some website and she left a testimonial there so I'm sure they're talking back again. He only stopped talkin to her because I didn't like it. That girl is going out with his bestfriend, so I dunno if anything is going on between my ex and her. Anyways, I really want him back I dunno how to get him back..I can't tell him to come bak to me again, he completely ignores me. He deleted me off his msn list and yahoo.
I know I'd get the messege and back off. He's had enough.
Shakira wrote:But I'm gonna see him soon in this party, is there anyway this relationship could work out?
No! You have already blown it with him and I know I wouldn't go back to you.
Shakira wrote:I don't wanna talk to him again about working things out but is there a way I couldmake him realize that we should be back together?
No! You've said this before and you blew it.
Shakira wrote:Please please help me out. You can see by my post that I'm really sad and upset. I can't believe he's not in my life anymore. So please please..help me. Oh yea, btw, he's 2 yrs older than me. He's in college and this is my last yr in hs(I'm 17). Actually, I graduated already. I graduated early and I miss him more than ever now.
I know you're upset and that you miss him, but when you truly love someone, you have to set them free.
Get on with your life and try to take this as one of lifes hard lessons. The pain you're feeling now will pass in time, I promise you that. In the mean time, go out and have a good time with your friends and take some alone time for yourself to stop and think about making positive changes in your life. Don't completely revolve your life around anyone else and don't expect anyone to revolve themselves around you. Don't wait around for others to make you happy, when you're the only one who has the power to make you happy.
I don't mean to be mean, Shakira, but doesn't that sound silly?