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Wed 2 Feb, 2005 02:07 am
Ok, this is going to be really long. I started going out with this guy (Nikhil) 7 months ago but we broke up 2 weeks ago(January). The thing that happened is that we never got a long from the beginning but some how I got emotionally & physically attached to him. He loved me a lot as well, he did everything he could to make me happy but I still complained a lot because he could never do anything right. I always had a problem with him not calling me on time but he always tried. He still messed up a lot of times, like sometimes he would get so busy that he would forget to call me and I always had to wait for him to call. Sometimes he didn't have a reason for not calling, he would just not want to? He would fall asleep on me. When I got mad about it he apologized and he said that he loves me a lot. The relationship wasn't turning out to be the way I wanted but I dunno whenever I met him or talked to him for longer than an hr on the phone everything just seemed right. But the problem was he got sick of me getting upset over little things. Also, we got into a lot of arguments, almost every week but we some how always ended up making up and getting along well. Although, I always told him to go away, like I would tell him that I dont need him anymore and he should leave me but he never did, we always found a way to work things out. But last month(December) I told him to leave me alone and I want to break up and he actually left. He stopped calling me or taking my calls. I kept calling him and leaving messages. He got so pissed at me because I told him I don't like him right before his exams, he couldn't concentrate so in order to concentrate he completely ignored me till his exams got done. He told me he needs a 2 weeks break. So, he came back and asked me what I wanted, how I feel about him and of course I told him I want him back but sadly he didn't feel the same way about me. His exacts word were "I don't think I want to be with you" but some how I convinced him to be with me and I told him that everything will work out between us and I'll try to be more nicer and accept him the way he is(not complain when he doesn't call or doesn't have time to meet me). So, we were talking on msn once and I told him to come and meet me, so he did. We totally made out in the car and we did a lot of other things. The next day he tells me "I don't think we should be together because our relationship is physical" In a way, it's true we usually make out when we're together. We don't do anything besides that. Like, we don't go out to see a movie or go out to eat. For the past 7 months all we did was make out. But he didn't have a problem with that before but now he said he wants more out of a relationship. So, I said ok to him and we broke up then I couldn't stay without him so I told him to come back to me again and he came back but I dunno the feeling wasn't there anymore. I felt like he wasn't interested in me in at all..and things between were not ok at all, he preferred hanging out with his friends more than me. We needed to talk more and hangout more because we broke up for a week, we needed to get things back to normal but I dunno, he said that he ignored his friend for the past 3 months and he doesn't feel like doing that anymore. He's just making up to them..but didn't he care about us? What about us? Our relationship was on loose strings. So, I was ok with it until he started hanging out with them everyday and wouldn't call me at all. He would only call to let me know that he's going to be with his friends and he won't be able to call me. So, obviously, I started complaining and this one time I told him to come and meet me and he said he was busy and I told him that couldn't he make it? And he was like ok, I'll be there. Then he didn't show up!! He called after 40 mins to let me know that he won't be able to come. Okay, Icome from an Indian family and it's hard for me to tell my parents that I'm going out late at night, they're not ok with me having a boyfriend. So, I got really pissed at him for that and he was like...sorry and it seemed like that's all he has been saying for the past 2 weeks..sorry for everything. So, I got mad at him, in a way I over-reacted but I told him that the reason I over reacted at night. The reason was that things have not been ok between us and he's not willing to take time out for me and I feel like he's gonna break up with me again and all he said was "Just leave me alone for a bit" And then I didn't get any calls from him after that. His phone's deal ended as well so I couldn't call him and he was not on hotmail or yahoo. I cried and cried, I didn't email him cuz he wanted to be alone. I waited till my exams were done and then I finally emailed him and his email was "Hey, the reason I didn't email u was because I thought you over reacted that day when Ididn't come to meet you and I wasn't listening to you when you were talking(the night I told him why I overeacted). n yea, i don't think we should be together ebcause nothing is going to change between us so we're better off breaking up" I never emailed him back cuz I was heartbroken, I couldn't believe that a guy who once said he loves me more than his life could say that to me. So, I decided not to reply back but I saw him on Yahoo and I messaged him and he said that he was sick of my constant nagging and that he didn't want to be with anymore after that phone call of mines but he just wanted to wait till I was done with my exams cuz he didn't want to disturb me. So, I was like ok..and I mentioned how many times he hurt me and he said that once he loved me m ore than anything but when he didn't get the love he wanted he stopped liking me! So, after that day he never came back on yahoo again. I miss him like crazy and I really really want him back!! I dunno what to do, I can't force him to be with me but I want him back. I dunno how to get him back. I don't think he's going to listen to me. Anyhoo, he's talking to his ex friend again(internet gf). I saw her little message on a website. He is registered on some website and she left a testimonial there so I'm sure they're talking back again. He only stopped talkin to her because I didn't like it. That girl is going out with his bestfriend, so I dunno if anything is going on between my ex and her. Anyways, I really want him back I dunno how to get him back..I can't tell him to come bak to me again, he completely ignores me. He deleted me off his msn list and yahoo. But I'm gonna see him soon in this party, is there anyway this relationship could work out? I don't wanna talk to him again about working things out but is there a way I couldmake him realize that we should be back together? Please please help me out. You can see by my post that I'm really sad and upset. I can't believe he's not in my life anymore. So please please..help me. Oh yea, btw, he's 2 yrs older than me. He's in college and this is my last yr in hs(I'm 17). Actually, I graduated already. I graduated early and I miss him more than ever now.
Can't believe i read that. Next time use paragraphs
everybody is just going to tell you to move on with your life and you should. You guys just didn't sound compatible. You are young and inexperienced and you'll get over this quickly if you go to college or get a job. Get some friends of your own, and don't expect a man to be your slave to show you that he loves you.
WOW! Okay so this is my opinion based on the fact that I was once a 17 yro female like you. First, you really need to read what you wrote. I hope by doing that you wll see the real problem. Here is a good quote " but some how I convinced him to be with me and I told him that everything will work out between us and I'll try to be more nicer and accept him the way he is(not complain when he doesn't call or doesn't have time to meet me). " Why would you want to be with someone who needs to be convinced to be with you? Honestly if I were in a relationship with a person who treated me the way you treated your boyfriend I would leave you too. Please do not take offence (I am sure you will anyway) but you may need to take some time to figure out why you find it nessicairy to control men. If your boyfriend forgets to call who cares? This may sound harsh but in ten years you will understand. I look back at my highschool years and laugh at myself for doing exactly the same thing you are doing. Understand this, if you want to have a healthy loving relationship you need to quit playing games.
I can't believe I read all that either and all I can say is that you blew it with him because you are very obsessive. You tried to dominate him and ended up pushing him away. You said that you were always angry with him because he never did anything right and constantly badgering him had him heading for the hills.
One thing you should keep in mind is that the world doesn't revolve around you and if you want people to be in your life, you need to learn to treat them the way you like to be treated.
Sorry if I'm being harsh, but I think it's something you need to hear if you want to correct it.
Just because you love someone and they love you doesn't mean that you can be together. Love isn't all it takes.
Sorry.
Bella Dea wrote:Just because you love someone and they love you doesn't mean that you can be together. Love isn't all it takes.
Sorry.
Oh, so true! And so many people never seem to learn this.
Someone who loves you isn't necessarily a good thing in your life.
Montana wrote:I can't believe I read all that either and all I can say is that you blew it with him because you are very obsessive. You tried to dominate him and ended up pushing him away. You said that you were always angry with him because he never did anything right and constantly badgering him had him heading for the hills.
One thing you should keep in mind is that the world doesn't revolve around you and if you want people to be in your life, you need to learn to treat them the way you like to be treated.
Sorry if I'm being harsh, but I think it's something you need to hear if you want to correct it.
Excuse me, the reason I was mean to him because he wasn't willing to do anything right and last yr, I stopped liking him but he loved me a lot so I had to stick with him, I tried understanding him and his problems, but sometimes I couldn't that. He wouldn't call at all, for a day? Someone who tells you he loves you more than anything should be able to do that. Afterwards, I gave up and started loving him the way he is but I still complained when I got hurt and I think I have the right to do that. I'm not going to shut up when I'm getting hurt. I know the world doesn't revolve around me but when I need someone that person should be there for me and when he's not, I get hurt. And whenever I needed to talk to him, he wasn't around. I always had to wait till he calls to tell him how I am and usually by then I told someone else my problem and I'm over it, so he never got to share what I was going through or who I really am. He called late at night 12-1am and I was sleepy by then so we couldn't even have a normal conversation. After the break we had in December, he usually called at 3 in the morning when he was done hanging out with his friends and I hated that, but I still told him to call me because that was the ONLY time we could talk or else the next day the same thing would happen and we would never get to talk.
Shakira_2005 wrote:
Excuse me, the reason I was mean to him because he wasn't willing to do anything right and last yr, I stopped liking him but he loved me a lot so I had to stick with him, I tried understanding him and his problems, but sometimes I couldn't that. He wouldn't call at all, for a day?
Ok I guess I'm gonna have to be the mean one here....sorry...
Those statements right there prove to everyone just how young you are and how much you still have to learn.
You don't "be mean" to someone you love because they aren't doing something right, or being mean to you. That isn't the way adults handle relationships. You will never understand all your man's problems. Ever. And he probably doesn't need you to understand them all the time. And not calling for a day? Just a day? You're freaking out because of one day? Are you a stalker? Does he live with you? Are you connected at the hip? And as for him not calling at the right time....you are just mad because he isn't calling at a time that is convenient for you.
Shakira_2005 wrote:Montana wrote:I can't believe I read all that either and all I can say is that you blew it with him because you are very obsessive. You tried to dominate him and ended up pushing him away. You said that you were always angry with him because he never did anything right and constantly badgering him had him heading for the hills.
One thing you should keep in mind is that the world doesn't revolve around you and if you want people to be in your life, you need to learn to treat them the way you like to be treated.
Sorry if I'm being harsh, but I think it's something you need to hear if you want to correct it.
Excuse me, the reason I was mean to him because he wasn't willing to do anything right and last yr, I stopped liking him but he loved me a lot so I had to stick with him, I tried understanding him and his problems, but sometimes I couldn't that. He wouldn't call at all, for a day? Someone who tells you he loves you more than anything should be able to do that. Afterwards, I gave up and started loving him the way he is but I still complained when I got hurt and I think I have the right to do that. I'm not going to shut up when I'm getting hurt. I know the world doesn't revolve around me but when I need someone that person should be there for me and when he's not, I get hurt. And whenever I needed to talk to him, he wasn't around. I always had to wait till he calls to tell him how I am and usually by then I told someone else my problem and I'm over it, so he never got to share what I was going through or who I really am. He called late at night 12-1am and I was sleepy by then so we couldn't even have a normal conversation. After the break we had in December, he usually called at 3 in the morning when he was done hanging out with his friends and I hated that, but I still told him to call me because that was the ONLY time we could talk or else the next day the same thing would happen and we would never get to talk.
Well now, wasn't that quite another mouth full. Ok, take a deep breath and re-read everything you have written here and see if you can't figure out where exactly you are going wrong. Just because you're in a relationship with someone, it doesn't grant you ownership of them and when you smother them just as you smothered him, they eventually leave. I know this from experience sweetheart as I have a few ex's that did the same thing to me as you did to this poor boy, so you're barking up the wrong tree here. If you can't see in your own words how terribly controlling you are, then you need to seek some counselling to help you deal with these issues. You sound like a very angry young lady and no one is going to put up with your abuse, so I suggest you pull your head out of your ass before you turn around one day to find no one there.
You say that he was the one who was treating you badly, but your response to me along with your origional post tells me otherwise.
Live and learn!
Bella Dea wrote:Shakira_2005 wrote:
Excuse me, the reason I was mean to him because he wasn't willing to do anything right and last yr, I stopped liking him but he loved me a lot so I had to stick with him, I tried understanding him and his problems, but sometimes I couldn't that. He wouldn't call at all, for a day?
Ok I guess I'm gonna have to be the mean one here....sorry...
Those statements right there prove to everyone just how young you are and how much you still have to learn.
You don't "be mean" to someone you love because they aren't doing something right, or being mean to you. That isn't the way adults handle relationships. You will never understand all your man's problems. Ever. And he probably doesn't need you to understand them all the time. And not calling for a day? Just a day? You're freaking out because of one day? Are you a stalker? Does he live with you? Are you connected at the hip? And as for him not calling at the right time....you are just mad because he isn't calling at a time that is convenient for you.
Exactly, and this behavior is not only mean, but it's abusive.
Damn, girls! (Bella & Montana)
Remind me never to make you two mad!!!
I am retiring from the Relationship forum. Obviously, I am no longer needed here. You guys can handle it just fine! (Along with Mama Noddy, of course.)
I've been diplomatic just about as long as I can on here. From now on, I think I'll just say what I mean. Within the TOS, of course. But when somebody comes on here and sounds like a childish twit, I'll tell 'em they sound like a childish twit.
(Take a hint, Shakira.)
It's not that I don't care...I'm just sick of reading this whiny crap. I get more intelligent conversation from my 5th grader.
Eva
You know I could never get mad at you ;-)
I'm usually very good at holding back in these situations, as you know, but this was just stonger than my will could bare
I could never get mad at you, either, M. That's because you're an intelligent, upfront, good-hearted, grown-up person with a terrific sense of humor. No wonder everyone likes you.
This was definitely more than I could bear, however. Speaking of bear...one wonders what BPB would have written.
God, I am going to miss that one.
Awwww, thanks, Eva :-D You know darn well that I think just as highly of you too and everyone adores you as well :-D
Oh, I am missing Bear very very much. He has such a way with words, doesn't he, heehee ;-)
Oh yes, he does! He always says what everybody's thinking (but afraid to say) in words we WISH we had used! It won't be the same here without him.
Anyway, I've had a lousy day so excuse me for being a bitch. Perhaps I can scrape up a little more compassion tomorrow. I think I'm gonna open a bottle of wine just for myself tonight.
Girlfriend...Girlfriend...you got my head shaking on this one.
For starters...Just exactly what is ALL of HIS problems that you had to endure? You poor thing you...I swear, just because he didn't cater to your every whim and desire and sit and hold your hand everytime you sneezed, he's the one with problems? I don't know how old you are, but you've got one hard lesson on life to learn...and I figure the sooner the better. You don't treat a man like that, treat them like you want to be treated. And whats with this "Mean" thing? I can tell you right now..if it was me in his shoes...I promise you wouldn't like me one bit.
Learn that you don't own those that love you....or can control and manipulate them. They are there for you to love and treat kindly. The more kindness you show..the more kindness in return you'll be given...then you have a chance.
Speaking of people with wit....Where's Slappy? Some of his posts are pretty good.
Hey MMS :-D
Welcome aboard and very well said.
Yeah, Slappy has got stuff great stuff as well ;-)
Eva
Yep, Bear is blunt but honest and I'm glad I never pissed him off, heehee ;-)
I'm sorry to hear you had a lousy day. I've had a pretty crappy week as well, but it'll pass. I may crack open a bottle myself, but not until tomorrow night, since I've got to go out in the morning. Run yourself a bubble bath, light some candles and relax. Oh, don't forget your wine and I hope you have a better day tomorrow. (((HUGS)))
Thank you Montana..and Sorry Ladies that you've both had rough weeks. Eva drink one for me...and Montana you do the same tommorrow night, I may just join ya...not in person, but in mind. I see a drink in my future also...
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