Eva's Wine Cellar

Ooh, that's interesting, Osso!

But it's making me hungry.

Sooooophie....!

"Yes ma'am?"

These good folks are talking about corn, and it just made me realize that it's been some time since we had anything to eat. Could you whip up something for us if it's not too much trouble? Just appetizers for now?

"Certainly!"

Ah! Here she is already!



Thai Corn and Chicken Fritters with Peanut Sauce

<C-R-E-A-K >

Helooo?.........Helllllo........HELLLLLOOOOO!

Good grief, the place is empty...bloody cold in here as well.....

<looks at plate of green slime on bar, guesses that it is some kind of Corn and Chicken Fritters dish, made about three weeks ago........walks to wine cellar door>

BUGGER! It's locked.

<goes behind bar, searches around and finds a full bottle of Bratislavan Vodka, with teeth marks on the lid...gets glass and walks over to jukebox, plugs it in and selects record...puts volume up to the max...sits down and starts slugging the Vodka.....immediately thinks of paint stripper>

HUMMMMMMM..........CLICK...........

PHHSSSSST PHHSSSSST....
"I met a gin soaked, bar-room queen in Memphis,
She tried to take me upstairs for a ride.
She had to heave me right across her shoulder
'Cause I just can't seem to drink you off my mind.

It's the ho-o-o-o-o-nky tonk women
Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues.

I laid a divorcee in New York City,
I had to put up some kind of a fight.
The lady then she covered me with roses,
She blew my nose and then she blew my mind.

It's the ho-o-o-o-o-o-nky tonk women
Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues.

It's the ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-nky tonk women.
Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues.

It's the ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-nky tonk women.
Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues.

<BURP>

Well, well, well.

I see His Lordship has decided to grace us with his presence once again. It's about time!

It's been very dull around here without you. We saved you some Thai Corn Fritters, but, well...it HAS been awhile. <tosses plate in trash>

<Sophie hops up and down in the corner, clapping her hands, runs to kitchen to whip up something special for LordE's return>

Psst...Ellpus, dear...we don't have a jukebox. I can't imagine how you got the cappuccino machine to play Rolling Stones. <scratches head> Must be one of Jacque's rainy day inventions.

Here, let me pour you a proper brandy.

HARK!
HARK! I hear fire sirens outside. A lot of yelling going on.

<Peek out the window> See a big red fire truck outside.

Don't smell any smoke. What is going on?

Does anyone else hear bag pipes?

BBB

<runs out in street>

What's going on? Is this a parade of some sort?

Eva


I see skuzy lookin people marching, carrying signs. What do they say?

BBB

they say: "Rano telo do pohybu daaaame!
Aby sa nam rozprudila krv!
A ked sme v tom tak si zaspievame!
Ja da dee da ja da da da dum!"

Oh my God.

It's a Scottish-Slovenian protest march!

God only knows how many things they could find to complain about.



<psst...could you translate the signs for us, Dag?>

The posters that they are carrying say.......

"Hey, Ellpus is in town....his pants are on fire....and he's ready for lurve"

You don't say!

You must have raised hell in Slovenia at some time, or they wouldn't have followed you here to protest.

So tell us. What happened?

BBB


That explains the fire truck standing by.

Here come the bag pipes. Everybody, quick cover your ears.

BBB

Eva


They are so cute!

Where is Ellpus when his guys are prancing by?

BBB

A glamorous young American tourist is on holiday in Scotland, when she sees a strapping young man stroll past in a kilt.

She runs up to him and asks if she can take his photo....he agrees, and poses for a couple of snapshots.

When she had finished, she took a deep breath and said "The REAL reason that I stopped you, was to ask if you had anything on under your kilt"

"I'm not tellin' ye Lassie" he replied "You'll have to put yer hand up to find that out"

The woman took a deep breath and slowly slipped her hand up the inside, and felt about for a couple of seconds.
Suddenly, she pulled her hand back out, crying "EEEWW!...It's gruesome"

"Aye Lassie, and if ye put yer hand there again, it'll grew some more"

Ellpus
Do old bagpippers with leaky bladders wear Depends under their kilts?

BBB

No BBB, just a piece of rough rope, tied very tightly.

BBB


OUCH!

BBB

Hey, that one bagpiper with his kilt blown up by the wind is one cute little baggage. Now my burning question has been answered. The answer makes me smile.

<after twelve straight hours of slugging Bratislavan Vodka, Ellpus wakes to find himself in a rather elegant bedroom........the sun is shining through the window onto a crystal glass perfume bottle, sending small rays of light onto the ceiling........he lifts up the silken sheets, only to discover that he is naked, apart from one sock, which is hanging off the end of his left foot......a Canaletto sketch, similar to his "Campo San Basso" is exquisitely framed and hanging in pride of place on the opposite wall.....expensive ladies undergarments are strewn across the plush carpet........Mario Lanza is singing "I'll see you in my dreams" somewhere in another room......a beautiful female voice is coming from the nearby bathroom....she is singing along with the music, and splashing water can be heard..........Ellpus raises himself onto one elbow, and speaks......>


"Is that YOU, Eva?"..........