did I overreact?

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My fiance and I have been together for a year now and I recently found out he sent a dick pic to his BFF who he claims he no longer has feelings for in the early stages of our relationship but still talks to everyday or quite often I told him I wasn't comfortable with him still being friends with her after seeing his dick. Am I wrong for feeling this way and putting him in a position to choose between us if we were to progress with marriage?

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 1,121 • Replies: 21

@MShack,

1. You are not wrong to feel this way.

2. The penis is a man's sex organ. Sending a picture of it is a sexual act.

3. Never mind about "putting him in a position to choose". You need to choose! Consider very carefully a. whether he is ready to marry you or in fact anyone. b. whether if he marries you, he will really change (or just say he did) c. whether you should marry him or continue the relationship at all. Unless you can be 100% sure (not just "fairly sure") about these things, break it off NOW.

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He sent the picture when you two were a "new" item?

You are now engaged?

He talks to her every day- still?

Don't you think she has ever seen his dick before?

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You’ll not be happy with this man.

Proverb says, “One man in the bed is not worth knowing he gets strange bush.”

Also, “No reason for applause when cheater gives clap.”

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@MShack,

When you say early stages, how early? Everyone else here is guessing without that. Like early as after one date or two dates? A month in? 6 months? You certainly have no claim on him after one or two dates...you see what I mean?

And how long ago was this? Maybe he doesn't have any feelings for her since he realised years ago how wonderful you were?

Of course maybe he is just lying to you through his teeth as he did this 6 months into your relationship and you got engaged at the 7th month...

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@vikorr,

vikorr wrote:

When you say early stages, how early? Everyone else here is guessing without that. Like early as after one date or two dates? A month in? 6 months? You certainly have no claim on him after one or two dates...you see what I mean?

One date, two dates, a hundred dates makes no difference. If he is the kind of guy who would send a photograph of his penis to someone, even with their consent, then he is an asshole or a schlub* at least.

* slang: a stupid, worthless, or unattractive person

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@MShack,

Quote:

still talks to everyday or quite often

This sounds like something you should have concerns about.

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Cheater McCheaty —- and you know it going in. Don’t compound your misery.

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@centrox,

Quote:

One date, two dates, a hundred dates makes no difference. If he is the kind of guy who would send a photograph of his penis to someone, even with their consent, then he is an asshole or a schlub* at least.

Why is he an asshole if it is done with consent?

And what do you know about the rest of him that makes him a stupid, worthless, unattractive person? Or does this one act render the rest of his character traits invalid?

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@vikorr,

Quote:

1. Why is he an asshole if it is done with consent?
2. And what do you know about the rest of him that makes him a stupid, worthless, unattractive person?
3. Or does this one act render the rest of his character traits invalid?

The answer to all three of your questions is: Because he still talks to this other woman everyday or quite often.

1 Reply

@Real Music,

Uh, Real, you are butting in a on conversation with another person (normally no problem)...and rather missing the point of my questions...which related to the reason Centrox provided. Yours is a slightly different conversation.

-------------------------------------

That said, there are plenty of people who remain friends with people they held a sexual interest in, even after they form a relationship with other people. They may not be the majority of cases, but there are plenty. I've known a number of wonderful people who have done such.

There's no information to differentiate the OP's person from such...so...

...why are they all assholes, stupid, and worthless?

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@MShack,

We were dating casually for a few months prior to this and yes he talks to her nearly every day. We had been sexual several times during this period. it was about a year ago but just knowing that she had seen his penis while we was together makes my skin crawl.

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Unless his BFF is a medical professional who specialises in penile issues you need to knock this one on the head.

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@MShack,

It would make a lot of women's skin crawl / there are plenty of women who would feel the same way as you.

You do describe it as a casual relationship at that time.

In terms of whether or not you overreacted to finding out about this, and him still talking to her regularly...the only person who can accurately answer this for you, is you. Others can give you how they would react, but we humans can vary widely in how we feel about certain issues. 'Group Consensus' follows the Bell Curve (look it up), and is no guarantee of answering this accurately for you.

I would recommend asking yourself why you reacted the way you did, identifying your reasons, then asking yourself how valid the reasons are to you. From there its much easier to answer for yourself 'did I overreact'...or not.

One of things forums are good for is giving you different perspectives to think about (it's sometimes difficult to get past thinking on our fears / inseccurities).

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@vikorr,

vikorr wrote:

Why is he an asshole if it is done with consent?

Because he has a girlfriend.

1 Reply

@centrox,

they were casually dating. That doesn't constitute a girlfiend (to everyone). He may not have considered them serious at that time...and in particular, our OP doesn't claim he was her boyfriend.

1 Reply

@vikorr,

Quote:

they were casually dating. That doesn't constitute a girlfiend (to everyone). He may not have considered them serious at that time...and in particular, our OP doesn't claim he was her boyfriend.

The OP first line in this thread reads:

"My fiancé and I have been together for a year"

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@vikorr,

Quote:

Uh, Real, you are butting in a on conversation with another person

I don't know why you would use the term "butting in" when we are all on an open forum. If you wish to have a one on one conversation, there is a feature on A2K where members can send private emails to each other.

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@MShack,

MShack wrote:

t just knowing that she had seen his penis while we was together makes my skin crawl.

here's the thing

it's not going to change

he sent her dick pic/pix before you got serious

you're creeped out by it

if you can't accept that it happened you may have to consider leaving the relationship

____

it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks about it. it happened and it bothers you. you have to figure out if you're going to get past it. if not - this relationship is likely over

(I do wonder how it happened to come into conversation now - that does seem odd)

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@Real Music,

and the dick pic thing happened while they were still casual (not that I think it would change things for the OP)

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did I overreact?

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