I just need someone to listen, Please

Oh dear, lovely, sweet Mom.......how I wanna hug you right now. You are as special as that star in the sky that sparkles unlike any other.

I will be back. I have much to say to you.

bm

Just tell me one thing...

How is it possible to stay married to someone for almost 20 years when this person has continually abused you not only mentally but also physically?

I just can't understand how there are women who let their partners beat the **** out of them and stick around. I just can't understand it. I would never ever let a guy hit me and let it go on unnoticed. I'd put an end to it right there and then.

Why did you stay? I can understand your forgiving him at the very beginning... After the first and maybe the second time around... But for nearly 16 years?

Sorry... I just can't stand men who beat up women. They're cowards!! And right now, I just can't think of anything else to say other than get out of there as of yesterday!

Actually, there is one thing...
As for the 100lbs extra weight... start walking and go on a diet - you need your self-confidence back. This should be a good start.

Please, promise yourself you won't let him hit you again. Ever. He has no right to do so and you're not a helpless child. You deserve respect. Be strong.

I know people wonder why we stay, but when you have no money of your own, no vehicle of your own, no job experience to speak of. Get the picture. What else do you do. In my situation when it is good it's good when it's bad it's bad. I have tried make plans to leave several times but there is always something to ge done first i.e Wait till kids get a little older, Get son through high school.
Now it is little things like get house organized, (I hate to leave with a mess left behind), I know it is just excuses but thats how we live. Always making excuses.

It sounds like you're just going to find yet another reason and stay...

You don't need to depend on him. You do that by choice. Anyone can be self-sufficient if they try hard enough.

Anyway, you just needed someone to listen... I wish you the best of luck.

Mom5

My heart truly goes out to you and I understand completely what you're going through. I lived with an abusive man for 5 long miserable years and I know how hatrd it is to leave. It was easier in my case because I already had some job experience and the house was mine, but it still took me 5 years to get the abusive bastard out of my house. I think my reason for staying with him as long as I did was because we had a child together and I became dependant on him. He made damn sure that I was as trapped as he could keep me. I know many women don't understand how some people can stay in an abusive relationship, but those women don't know what it's like to be in such a relationship. May I ask how old your kids are?
There is always a way out sweetie, but you have to want it bad enough. I'm assuming your kids are teens, so this makes it easier since they are no longer completely dependant on you. The first thing you need to do is to get a job outside of the house. Your husband wants you working for him because it's one of the ways he keeps you trapped. If he hits you again, call the police and press charges. Then go to court and get a restraining order against him. You have dealt with this abuse for far too long girl, and you need to get away from that monster and see how wonderful life can really be. I was scared to death when I finally got my abusive ex out of my life, but when I realized how wonderful life was without him, I couldn't believe I put up with it for so long.
I know how an abuser manipulates you and I understand comepletely how you just keep getting sucked right into that deep dark hole, so know this when I tell you that it's not your fault. Now that you know this, you need to make a plan on getting out of there. Is there anyone you can stay with for awhile until you get on your feet? Maybe relatives or friends?
I know Brooke will be back to tell you her story and you'll see that you're far from alone.

(((HUGS)))

Re: I just need someone to listen, Please


THAT, sweet lady was your first mistake. In abuse situations...you desperately need help.



Dear God in heaven. It's very difficult for me to read that. I only hope that the child in your womb was not harmed.

Mom.....you know you have to leave this monster. You also know what harm he has done to you and your children. Babies born in abusive families bear an abundance of emotional baggage that they must carry with them into adulthood. You must leave, not only for your sake....but theirs.




This is the normal cycle of abuse. They always want you to believe it is your fault. Many abusers can't even stand their own self. They HAVE to put the blame on you because it's how they deal with their hideous crime. You KNOW deep inside your precious heart, that it is one of the biggest lies he tells you.



The next time he hits you....could be his last. Because it could also be your last breath. Listen.......it only takes one time of him hitting you just the right way to end your life. I very clearly remember being backhanded upside the head with enough force to lift me off the floor and whirl me backwards...not in inches but in feet. So hard that I would lose my vision. Direct hits in the temple area will do this. That's right.....I walked in your shoes, Mom. I know why did not leave. I understand all the things that go through your head. I know the feeling of being so utterly worthless that you just stop caring about yourself.

Do you realize that this man is taking your life from you.....even though you still have breath in you??? Do you also realize that he gets his power from the fact that you are still in that home. That you have not put his sorry ass in jail where he belongs?

Do you realize how no matter what he has said or how you feel about yourself.......that you are a unique and special individual. A person that has been dealt some horrible things in life.......but that can all be changed. It's ONLY too late when he snuffs the life out of you...and he hasn't done that. PLEASE take his power. You take that power away from him and you will see the shriveled up dandelion that you are.....blossom into a radiant flower that is even more beautiful than most flowers. More beautiful because of it's strength. It's new found hope. It's realization that there is indeed a life out there worth living.

There are people out there that love you. I love you dearly.....I don't even know you. My heart bleeds still the same. Every fiber of my being wants to take you away from him. But that is a choice that only you can make. There will always be a reason to stay if you are waiting for every little thing to be JUST RIGHT. The children and you.......are enough reason to leave. The rest of the variables of not knowing where to go or what to do or even how to survive without his income.......these are things that shelters are able to help you with. Your local shelter or the national abuse hotline....it doesn't matter. Someone is waiting to help you. There are mentors that will not ask you questions about why you did not leave or make you feel lessor because you stayed for so long. They can provide you with assistance in so many ways. Giving you a place to stay is one of them. Assigning a mentor to you.......that can go with you to court so you do not have to go alone.

It doesn't matter why you stayed as long as you did. It just matters what you do from this moment on. Please don't underestimate the damage that he has done to your children, also. They need to be removed from that environment the same as you do.

I will be back to comment further.........please keep coming back to this forum.

Much love to you.....dear sweet precious one.

Brooke is right about the shelters. They are wonderful in helping battered women get on their feet. They will protect you and your children and show you the way girl.

Please don't stay in this hell any longer. This is not only horrible for you, but for your girls as well. There truly is a light at the end of the tunnel, so please follow the light.

I can not pm you on here. I do not have enough posts. If you would like my phone number I can get it to you though. I can work it out so that it would be a toll free call for you. It would also be YOU calling me. I would never be so abrupt as to call you in your situation.

I'll be close by. HUGGGGSSSSSSSSSS

You're an angel from heaven, Brooke ;-)

Oh Montana......if you wish to see an angel, you only have to look in your own mirror and she will be looking back at you. That, sweet friend.....is the truth

You're right, Montana. I don't know what it is being in such a relationship but I can imagine it as being tormenting enough that I wouldn't want to stay. Therefore, I gave her my 2 cents for all it's worth.

Craven......or any of the Mods........PLEASE can I pm people??? I hope you know me well enough to know that I would not abuse that privilege. If not.......I understand.

Rules are rules.

That's so very sweet, Brooke :-D

My statement wasn't directed at you personally. I was talking about all women who have never been abused.

As far as "wanting to stay" goes, it's not that simple. Women who are abuse are terrified of their abusers. I know my ex has threatened to kill me several times if I ever left him. He also threatened to kill our son. Also, these men will charm your sock of until they have you in a trapped situation, such as keeping you with children and unemployed, cutting off the commiunication with your friends and family, so when the real abuse starts and you decide you want out, you find yourself stuck with nowhere to turn. You don't even realize that he's slowly robbing you of your freedom and independance until it's too late. He will make you think that he's doing all these things for you like running errands for you, so you can STAY HOME and relax. He'll tell you you don't have to work because he's there to take care of you, so you can just STAY HOME and relax. The list goes on and on of what these abusers do to trap a woman and it's something that I know is very hard to understand unless you've been through it.

(((((Montana))))))))) and (((((((Roger)))))))))

Thank you both. Check your emails :wink:

I can imagine, Montana. I'm trully sorry that you (or any other woman) have been through that.

I'm glad you got out safely and I hope the same happens to mom5.

It's my pleasure girl. You're my hero :-D

((((((Brooke)))))

I just PMe her your info and mine, so I hope we hear from her soon. No one should have to live like this, sigh!

It truly is a horrible thing to experience. I have come out of it with a true appreciation of freedom and life and I pray that mom5 will find the courage to take her life back.

Thank you for your kind thoughts. I know I could never figure out how anyone could stay in an abusive relationship, until I ended up in one. It's scary stuff.

Listening, agreeing with Brooke and Montana, and am guessing that B will have pm privileges relatively soon, re post numbers. In the meantime, many of us here know and respect her advice.

hugs from me too.