Fellow cats: What stupid things has your owner done?

I am Wench, Gustav Ratzenhofer's cat. He never does anything stupid. I consider him to be a God. He's over in the corner smoking some opium right now and, might I add, he is a very handsome man.

I would die for him.

Hi. My name is Nermal, and I'm roger's cat. Boy, do I remember the time he threw me out in the cold. Wanna' know how long it takes to totally shred a screen door? Don't ask. He doesn't need the memories.

Wench, you are one lucky cat. If you're telling the truth, that is. It's been my experience that none of these damn humans is worth a damn. Death to them all!

Hey, if there weren't any people, who would feed the Gods?

Rocky, what do you do when your owner is watching porn and you have that molten lava flying all over the place? That must be a very dangerous place you live at.

I worry about you sometimes.

I'm Titty the Kitty, cousin to Shitty the Kitty...(no kidding on the names) I am a Mynx. One time my beautiful owner decided that I had to many fleas...cause the flea collars weren't doing the trick. So that dumb blonde used dog dip on me. Ohh!!!! What a shock to my system!! My body trembled, heart raced...I slobbered, spit and hissed at anyone that come near me. I think she actually tried to kill me..or maybe she was just punishing me for spraying on the T.V that afternoon. Whatever the case was, she goofed. To her shock, she found me hidden behind the toilet in her bathroom, calling for her husband to come and get my limp body out from behind. I RALLIED, I tell you and tried to take his thumb off. (you oughta seen the look on his face..lol) After the whiz kid went and got his welding gloves...he finally got my body out.

The next day Shivers took me to the doctor and he fixed me up. Thank god for him, my poor stomach was in a mess and I was ready to claw her eyes out......

But I lived...........to disown her years later and move to another state with a family that must have loved me. For they STOLE ME!

Wench, usually I just stare at him from my spot on the bed when he's doing that. My god, some nights he's there for three or four hours straight! It's actually quite interesting watching humans masturbate. That look they get on their faces...heehee, they look so ridiculous!

Nermal, you're right. We need them. It's sad, but there's nothing we can do about it.

Good for you, Titty! Sounds like you've led quite an eventful life. You must a been a real Tomcat in your day.

Hey, by the way, any of you guys been neutered? What the hell is up with that?! I have heard that they are doing it to all the cats. Scumbag humans.

Man, I wish I had been born an alley cat. Wandering around, chasing down my own food, fighting, screwing...that's the life!

Quite the life Kicky...yeaaaaaa uhh humm. Nothing like being able to lick myself when I'm bored. Or sneak into thier bedroom and watch them have sex for giggles.

HEHEHe,I used to try to driver her insane. She'd wake up with cat hair in her nose...cause I'd sneak up there between the two of them while they slept and put my butt in her face. AHHH HAAAAA.......what FUN!!!

Nope..not nuetered. Or I wasn't while SHE HAD ME!!

Titty, isn't it funny how much the humans hate having a cat's ass in their face? It's just silly!

Kicky doesn't let me go on his side of the bed when he's around. But as soon as he leaves for work everyday, I go right up onto his pillow and rub my ass all over it. Dumbass has no idea I'm laughing at him everynight when he goes to bed.

Hey there. It-t-t-t's me, B-B-Buster. I'm a (WHATWASTHATNOISE!?!?!) um, "golden tabby tomcat." Well, that's what the prison guard here, Eva, calls me. (OHMYGODAMILOSINGMYMINDORDIDSOMEBODYELSEHEARTHAT?!) Okay, so I'm t-t-twitchy. (JESUSMARYANDJOSEPHCUTTHATOUT!) You'd think by n-n-now they'd know I d-d-don't like to be f-f-f-fussed with (STOPITI'MTELLINYA!) b-b-but No-o-o...they gotta keep m-m-m-m-making l-l-loud noises and t-t-trying to g-g-g-grab me all the t-t-t-time. (HOLYSHITWHATWASTHATSOUND?!!!) I s-s-s-swear, one d-d-day they're g-g-gonna wake up and f-f-find me dead of h-h-h-heart f-f-failure. (OHMYGODHERECOMESTHATDAMNKIDAGAIN!!!) What? What? It's o-o-o-okay for h-h-him to throw m-m-m-me up in the air j-j-just so he can w-w-w-watch me l-l-land on all fours, b-b-b-but (****!I'MGONNALEAVESKID
MARKSONHISCHESTJUSTWATCHME!!!) when I l-l-l-leave one itty bitty s-s-s-scratch mark on h-h-h-him, they act like the s-s-s-s-sky's fallin'. (IT'SNOTFALLINGISITOHCHRISTTHEY'RECOMINGTOGETMEAGAINI'M
DIVINGBACKUNDERTHEBED)...................<shivering>

Hi, we are Oscar and Miranda, dlowan's cats.

She's pretty cool - we get lots of cuddles and stuff - but she isn't home enough, and she has this man who comes over too much - I mean, he's nice, and stuff - but we get kicked out of OUR bedroom when he comes over!!!!!!!!!

We live in a place with a great view of parklands - lots of birds fly by - and we have a cool sunny balcony.

Oscar misses being able to get out and roam and hunt, though - he thinks apartments suck - Miranda (me) is really happy here, though.

Sometimes the food is crap, though.

What the heck is this "neutered" thing????????

Hey - do you American cats talk funny, like the American humans do?

Our owner keeps laughing at your spelling too...

Hi, I'm Shirley, smog's cat. He doesn't let me go outside, but I get him back by puking all over the place. It's so funny watching him clean it up. If he let me go outside, I could puke in the grass, or maybe I'd stop puking altogether.

Poor Oscar. Poor Miranda. Roger doesn't even have a cage to put us in, nor a camera to take our pictures while in lockdown. I've seen that <shudder> picture! Barney here - Nerm's crashing, and Spook's - well Spook.

Hey everyone, my name's Screech. I logged online after my ma went to bed. I saw this thread while she was in the shower, but didn't want to 'out' my computer skills, so I waited until now.

Once she let me play with a black widow spider. I didn't know they were poisonous, but she did, I heard her talking about it later. She knew the whole time! I could have died!

Also, when I was a tiny little thing, she drove me and my litter-mates across the country. We were so tiny, that we all still fit into a box, which is where we were for 5 days. Then, she left us in a school bus for a week until she got a place to live. She did come back to feed us, but we were so bored! We found a little hole in the floor and escaped, but then we all got fleas because that little pansy-ass brother of mine caught them and brought them into the bus.

What else...... I'm sure there's more, but I need a little cat nap. I'll try to sneak back online soon.

Oh! I think I'll go lay down with my butt in her face, I haven't done that in a while. Thanks for the reminder. I think I'll do a little tail-to-nose tickling while I'm at it.

The typing isn't so bad, Screech. For me, it's reaching that darn Caps key. Otherwise, I'm quite handy with computers. One could almost describe me as a wiring technician.

I have no idea how todeal with this mouse thing. I keep pushing it back and forward to get the little thingy lined up, but it's HARD! And, so not as soft, warm and chewy like a realmouse. Where do you figure they came up with that name for this thing?