Did you hear about the blonde who was sent to the hospital?
--She burned her tongue, trying to make French toast.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool.
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are Steelhead in this river?"
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new
dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and the other was Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs, silly..."
An young guy was going on his first date with a blonde. He was very excited. He decided to take her to a fooball game since she had never seen one before. Through-out the game he kept watching her to see if she was having a good time. She looked to be enjoying herself. At the end of the game he asked her, "How did like it?" "Oh, it was alright." she said, "But there's one thing I don't understand..." "What was that?" he asked. "Well, at the beginning of the game they flipped a coin, then all anyone kept yelling through-out the whole game was "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!" So, why didn't they just GIVE them the coin back?"
a man walks into a bar
"Ok, everybody"He yells"I'm gonna tell you some blonde jokes"
people stand up and mutter angry, then a woman calls over:
"Have you not noticed that most of the people in this bar a blonde?"
"Yes, I have, and i want to make it clear that I do not intend to go over this seven or eight times"
I went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier.
Just as the feature was about to start a blonde from the center of the row got up and started working her way out.
"Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me."
By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?"
"No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The "TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE" message just flashed up on the screen and mine is in the car..."
a blonde goes to australia for her holidays and walkes into a shop and sees some rare crocodile shoes.
so she walks up to the seller and asked ''how much are those crocodile shoes.''
the seller said ''£95.''
''thats a rippoff i could get my own pair of crocodile shoes for free''
and she storms out. later that day the owner of the shop was closing down and seen the blonde at the riverbank.
there was a crocodile walking up to her and there was a loud bang. she shot it.
she took it further away from the bank and said ''dong this one hasnt got shoes either.''
