if you're being used/if he's intersted?

used = I think a girl knows when she is being used, she just ignors the signs because she likes being with him so much

interested= us guys are wierd, sometimes we act uninterested because we are interested and sometimes we act uninterested because that is just what we are. Asking is the best way to find out.

Re: if you're being used/if he's intersted?



If the guy keeps trying to get you to go to bed with him...he is defiitely interested. If he tries to get you to have sex with him in all sorts of weird places...like the back of the library or in the park...

...he not only is interested...chances are he loves you.

This is as "surefire" as it gets.






If the guy is only interested in talking with you and holding hands or going to movies...chances are he is just using you.


I hope this has been helpful.

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If the guy is only interested in talking with you and holding hands or going to movies...chances are he is just using you.


Oh come on. I think you gots it backwards and me thinks you know that (;

I think i messed up here...I met a guy and we hung for 2 weeks, I even met his parents, we went to movies, dinner, shopping, etc. After two weeks I slept with him. THings were still great, called everyday, still hung out. HE lives a few hours away and finally i asked what was going on...he said he is not seeing anyone else, and wants to see what happens, but cant be full committed right now...i guess my question is...does this mean he will most likely never want to be committed? after all why buy the cow when yuo're getting the milk for free.

He sounds pretty honest about his feelings. It doesn't sound like you're being used YET. Why don't you continue to hang around without having sex and see if he still feels the same way. I said something like what he said to a girl once. Later on I fell in love with her, but the girl held it against me that I wasn't all commited in the begining.

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yeah i dont know what the best thing to do is. Now that he's away we havent been talking as much. I talked to him tues night and he said he wants me to come visit, said he misses me etc...but we didnt set an exact date for when i'd go visit. When we hung up he just said he'd talk to me very soon...i dont know if he just feels guilty or what...he was honest with me, he says he loves spending time with me and all that. I guess i just have to see what happens. i wish we didnt have sex so soon...but it had been a while for both of us...so what can i say.

Here's what you do.

Decide if YOU like him and if YOU are enjoying yourself. "Use", to my mind, is determined by whether both people are getting something out of the relationship or just one. A guy can think he's "using" a girl who actually prefers to have a more no-strings kind of relationship.

Once you've decided what you think now, a) break up with him and be done with it, b) stick around and see what happens. If you choose b), continue to evaluate what you think about the situation, and if you don't like it, seek to change it. If he's not amenable to those changes, break up and move on.

Listen to sozobe, I think she's got it right.

Personally, I don't think it was a mistake to sleep with him.

I also don't think his not wanting to be committed now means he'll never want to be committed, but you can't predict how long it'll be. Could be Decades before he's ready.

Think of what you want, keep that in mind, and be prepared to be patient if that's what you think is best for you.

Best of luck to you!

And sozobe, I can't even COUNT the number of guys who thought they were using me, way back when....teehee!!!

Soz has got you covered. I'd only add that if you want to push him away, keep bugging him about a commitment. If you want a commitment, playfully push him away a little… stop sweating the little things, be yourself, and enjoy the ride! These things work themselves out or they don't.

You hung with someone for two weeks and want to know if he'll ever be committed? What's the rush? Friendships, let alone romantic relationships, usually take a lot longer to establish.

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thanks. I guess i'm just confused. I was getting signs from him that he was really into me for a while because he was calling me everyday, even when he was on vacation with his family. We had a few incidents where he told me he felt he kept having to reassure me how he felt about me and he said he doesnt like having to do that. HE said it should be apparent that he likes me. So the last time i saw him was not this past tues but the tues before, i had also seen him the weekend before that. He took me to dinner and the movies, it was really nice. He had told me that he wouldnt be able to call me everyday when he went back to where he's staying and asked if i'd be mad, i said no. When i asked what was going on with us he basically said let's just see what happens and he couldnt be committed to anyone right now but stressed several times that he's not seeing/having sex with anyone else.
So now he is 3 hrs away and the last time i talked to him was tuesday...before that the last time i talked to him was thursday. We had a really good conversation and he said i should go and visit him...but we didnt set a time as till when, i just said, oh yeah sure. So i guess it's good that he indicated that he wanted to see me again. Part of me wonders, hmm is he just being nice by calling? does he feel like he has to? OR does he really want to talk me? I really like him and i want it to work out. I'm not calling him until he calls me.
Do you think his lack of calling me as much as he once was means he's less intesrted. His reasoning is that it gets expensive...it wasnt before....

Nah, I think if he wasn't interested, he wouldn't call you at all. Don't you think?

My advice: Relax. Deep breaths. Relax.

Re: if you're being used/if he's intersted?


Not only helpful, but hilarious!

Frank has a sense of humor ... la la la :wink:

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ok so you honestly dont think less calls=less interested? I mean he's still making references that he wants to see me again, however...maybe he's unsure?

He's losing interest in part because you're chasing him away. Hate the game, sweetheart, but it's one we all learn to play. You chase; they run. You run; they chase. Your insecurity has deflated the excitement... so he's thinking you're probably not the one. "Can't be committed"= seeing other people (or at least wanting to). Do so yourself. Don't be too available. Continue your own search. The more he sees other guys want you, the more he will too. It's just the nature of the beast. As strange as it may seem, the less you cater to him, the more attractive you will become. NO ONE WANTS AN INSECURE PARTNER (the exceptions to that rule aren't worth having). Now go out and have fun with other people... and don't be afraid to tell him about it either. Got it?

Bill's right, dearest. Although, I myself wouldn't feel particularly obligated to tell him about the other people. You could just purr like a happy cat and let him wonder why.

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bill i totally understand what you are saying...but i hate playing games. If i'm interested in someone i geuss i just act natural instead of trying to hide it. For me it's just too stressful to pretend to act a way that i dont feel. As it is i dont call him, I wait for him to call me, but he does know how i feel about him. He knows that i''m emotional-he has also told me that he likes it when girls act emotional instead of hiding things because he finds it feminine. So who knows. I last talked to him tues...he called me, then i sent him a text yesterday night just asking, how are you? as of this morning i didnt hear back, but my phone is now in my car...

I wasn't suggesting you tell lies, dear. Just tease a little. Think of your own history and see if you didn't chase the one's who ran (like you're trying not to do now) and run from those who chased (like you are probably doing with someone else now). Trying to establish long-term territory 2 weeks in; is showing your hand too early. Of course he knows you like him... but he should wonder how much. That is what keeps him thinking about you (exciting!)… instead of taking you for granted (boring). All I'm doing is providing you an objective perspective from the sideline. I don't know your exact situation. Use whatever advice you can and disregard the rest.
Oh, and BTW, Welcome to A2K!

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thanks (: I wonder if i've already ruined things...like i said i'm a bit put off by his lack of calling me...it seems like he is just a no strings attached kind of guy...