Mon 11 Dec, 2017 10:15 am
So, to start, I was on birth control throughout middle/high school because my mom made me. Fastfoward to present day, I stopped taking birth control for a couple months because, in the decade that I've been on it, I've never had sex, and I wasn't planning to any time soon. Unfortunately, a couple days ago, I was raped. I don't think he used protection. I don't really know where all his sperm went. I don't know, it's all kind of a blurr. I'm okay otherwise, really. I don't need emotional support or anything. I mean, I'm hurt (annoyed? pissed?) that he would hurt me like that but otherwise... I know this sounds cold but, I just don't really care that it happened to me, ya know? It is what it is. It just feels like something that happened that's not my fault and isn't a big deal. Maybe that will fade after the shock of it all, I dunno. Currently, I'm just really, really terrified I'm going to get pregnant. I've really severe anxiety and depression, so I'm not in the best mental state in general lately (ever, really) and I'm not confident that I could handle a pregnancy at all, much less actually taking care of a child, or even giving it up for adoption or abortion. I'm freaking out because I track my period using an app and the day that it happened was the first day of my ovulation, according to the app. I took Plan B about 24 hours after it happened (which was yesterday around 10PM), but I read that it's not super effective for chubby girls (i.e. me) and it mostly works by preventing ovulation so I feel like it was essentially useless. I had an unopened packet of birth control from a few months ago when I decided to stop taking it so I started that the same night around midnight. Bad timing and not exactly the way you're supposed to start birth control, I know, but I've been panicking trying to do everything I can to royally mess it up down there for any spermies.
So I guess I'm just looking for discussion of any advice or even personal encounters you guys have had to help me think about things in different ways. Aside from the obvious "go to the doctor" because I will...eventually. To make sure I didn't get an STD or anything. But I'm not comfortable explaining my situation to a doctor, I just can't do it. So I'll do that later. Or the police. Or anyone really. I'd rather just move on and not think about it. Which I can't do until I know for sure I'm not pregant. And if I am pregnant then... I guess I'll always think about it. I feel like I'd have to have an abortion. Really, I can't bring a baby into this mess, even if I just endure the pregnancy and give it up for adoption. But I'm terrifed of the abortion process and just having to talk face to face with a doctor about this. I dunno, I'm rambling at this point.
A symptom of my anxiety is that, particularly when I'm worried about something, I can't shut my brain down (hence the rambling). I just think and think and think until I come to a resolution that makes me feel kinda better. And I'm just here because I can't handle sitting here and thinking alone for the next few weeks while I wait to find out if this asshole impregnated me, but I also don't have a lot of friends (any, really) and my family isn't really great to talk to so I don't have anyone else to talk about this with. So really any thoughts at all to think through this with me would be great. Thanks guys.
Also, I bought 20 pregnancy tests that I'll be taking once a week until I'm certain I'm not pregnant. I know 20 is overkill but again, I'm flipping **** over here guys. So, from your experience, when do you think I can be certain I'm not pregnant? Like am I looking at a month of panicking or even longer?
Please don't do the ... eventually ... bit.
Please make an appointment today. Because if you have an STD from this, then that should be dealt with ASAP. Same thing if you are pregnant.
And while you're at it, call the cops if you haven't already. This isn't a matter of some "it is what it is" bullshit. A crime was committed and it could happen again to someone else.
Look, I'm sorry this happened to you. And you say on one hand that you don't need emotional support and, in the same paragraph, you say you have "really severe anxiety and depression", both of which would require emotional support, yes?
I'm not trying to be argumentative here. I know you think you have all of this stuff under control.
I'm sorry, but you don't.
I am not here to make you freak out even more. I am trying to help you here. Get medical treatment and get this criminal caught. Both of those are a far better and more practical plan than 20 pregnancy tests, 19 of which are thoroughly unnecessary anyway.
Thank you for your response. I know you've good intentions, but I don't think victims should be pressured into talking about their trauma when they're not ready to, especially when society has proven time and time again to be unaccepting. This actually isn't the first time I've had to deal with sexual assault and it's because of my experience of not being believed as a child that makes me really not want to discuss my personal issues right now with anyone face to face. I'm -still- dealing with small digs and jokes about it from my own family. It may be selfish but I'd really rather just worry about the pregnancy thing and get my own issues under control before I go trying to be some valiant fighter for women's rights or justice or whatever. I'm too freaked out about whether or not I'm going to have to explain a baby bump to my family in six months to have to worry about explaining why the cops are contacting me.
My anxiety and depression are not because of this situation; I've struggled for years with them. I also go to therapy for them and I take medication, which is one of many reasons why pregnancy would not be ideal for me. I'm sorry to be unclear, I just didn't want people replying with something like "omg I'm so sorry."
I guess I don't really want to address the rape issue in this post, so much as the possible pregnancy one.
. I also go to therapy for them and I take medication
contact your therapist asap
talk to a health care professional about your fears of pregnancy
your problems are too much for people who don't know you to help you with
Go to the nearest women's health center and explain your pregnancy concerns. No need to give any details. You are there for physical health concerns only.
Get this settled to ease your mind.
Later, as you are able, you can talk to someone about your assault. If anything other than to prevent this from happening to other girls by this guy, please speak up.
I want to reach out and give you a big hug! What happened was wrong and will change your life in some way no matter what. With that, I ask that you don't lose faith that you'll be okay. It's confusing and scary, but you'll get through it. Your family is there with unconditional love (even if they are hard to talk to) to support and care for you. I don't know you, but want to say take care and be good to yourself. We all want the best for you. Merry Christmas and God's peace!
Visit doctor. I think its first thing you have to do right now.
You're doing the right thing reacting this way!!!! Also consider avoiding people!!! SCARY!!!
You must consult a good doctor for this issue.