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I need advice:

 
 
Reply Mon 4 Dec, 2017 12:26 am
I have, I believe an extremely unique situation here. Let’s start from the beginning. There is a girl I like, that I have liked ever since I met her, about four years ago. The first two years, I was a complete ass. I had no idea what I was doing, she hated me, and I was lost. Then, I got beyond being a immature idiotic middle schooler and have completely cleaned up my act for highschool. Now, we talk all the time. I know roughly what she says that she thinks of me, through friends and such, which is that I used to be super annoying but that I’m not now. She also says that we are friends, but not close friends, which means I’ve not been friend zoned (yet). Also, I told her that I used to like her 2 years ago and she was chill with it, and let it go. Now, we talk everyday at school, not too too much granted, but other than that we only text, and we only usually text about school. Sometimes we talk about other things, but I always have to start those conversations, but I also know that she is shy and not particularly comfortable with asking such although simple questions and usually waits for others to ask her. We have plenty in common, (same opinions, like the some of same music here’s a lot more I just can’t describe it all), and we get along well. However, we have never really shared many personal moments with each other. There was one time recently where I was depressed, ironically about this subject, and was texting her about it (obviously without letting her know it was about her) and she was extremely sympathetic trying to pick me up and such, and we had a relatively deep conversation, although it was all over damed text message, as most of our communication is done: we either talk at school or text, never call. However, I know that if she needed solace that she would never come to me, as she has many other close friends that she would rather go to, and I simply shared my thoughts with her to show her I’m actually not a hardass as she used to years to think I was, and to get rid of hat stigma. SO! What I need to know is does she like me (or do I have a chance) and should I continue to bother trying to win her, or should I just be her friend and try to be a close friend to which many of you will say “no why would you get friend zoned” but in all honesty I respect her enough and like her enough that I just want to be able to be there for her when she is down or needs help and to be good friends, at the very least. Also, if you guys have any ideas about how I could become closer friends with with her, that would be great. Thanks!
 
jespah
 
  6  
Reply Mon 4 Dec, 2017 08:26 am
@Jeff12345,
Ask her out. You will never know unless you do.

Psst - you don't need it to be a lead pipe cinch that she likes you, or even know anything about that at all, for you to ask her out. Seriously. We get these questions All. The. Time. And inevitably it's a lot of looks and sighs and wishful thinking although on occasion someone is reading the signals well enough.

Ask. You will never, ever know otherwise.

And you should keep it easy. Light. Cool.

"Jenny (or whatever her name is), want to get a soda/coffee?"

Make it inexpensive and non-alcoholic (you're likely not of age yet but I did want to make it clear). Make it during the day. Nothing should scream 'date' at all.

Go together and get a coffee or a soda. Have a nice time. Talk about goofy stuff, or school, or music or books, things like that. DO NOT MENTION FEELINGS. Just ... don't. You want this to be light.

At the end, say, "I really had a nice time." (and she may very well say something similar at the end) Then add, "I'd like next time to be a real date. How's this Friday night?"

And see what she says. Here are the possible choices:
  1. I'd love to!
  2. I'd love to but Friday is out. How about Saturday?
  3. I'm sorry, but I don't like you that way. Can we still hang out as friends?
  4. I had no idea. I'm not really sure how I feel about this, and I need some time to process it.
All four of these are fine choices. Obviously, you prefer #1 or #2, but #4 shows promise - but don't count your chickens on that one (sometimes that's just a way of letting someone down easy). #3 should be your cue to say something like, "Well, it was worth a shot. I want to continue being friends, too." And mean it.

You can do this. I guarantee you can.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Mon 4 Dec, 2017 01:41 pm
I think you are doing just fine. Follow the advice above.

You seem concerned that she still sees you as the creep from middle school. That will change with your behavior and more time.

You might ask her, however, and assure her that you have matured. She's got to allow you to have grown up.
0 Replies
 
smackie9
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Dec, 2017 02:46 pm
@Jeff12345,
Stay away from deep conversations about vulnerability. You will get tossed into to the friends zone faster than the speed of light.
Be confident, kool, and a little aloof. To be desired is to be less available. people want more what they can't have....so remember that when you ask her out. Don't get all soft and gooey over it. Show as little emotion as you can.
0 Replies
 
 

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