no, kris, i didn't mean for you to be rude. i just thought of lili (our third roommate at the time) - she would just do whatever the heck she wanted to and never whatever she didn't. many times i'd ask her for a favor and she would say no, not today, i am too tired, there is no way i am coming out of the house. you can have my car though. and that's cool. now i know, she probably doesn't drive a stick, and she would ask you again, because she can't make it on saturday, and because she doesn't get normal social interaction, but then you just have to repeat, no, i'm sorry, it's not possible today. i don't think she would start an emotional warfare - you don't have to insult her or anything, it appears to me that she just needs more directness than other people. which is hard to do, but it is learnable. if anything can start a warfare, it is leaving things on her bed, or counterspace, i don't know. i'm just for openness. since i am the master communicator. ok, now i just blew my entire argument with that, didn't i.
Dasha's onto something there. I think sometimes people feel that being direct is the same as being rude. It doesn't have to be.
Simple directness/telling the truth - without being unnecessarily unkind - that isn't rude.
The roommate who doesn't do her share of cleaning, who demands favours - that's the rude one in the world I'm in.
littlek wrote:Eva - what about a public service which would provide the same things you do for her?
Don't think I haven't tried. I've even taken her to sign up for some of them. She refuses to use them for one reason or another. Now I'm just having to say "No" sometimes. Like when she calls and wakes me up at midnight and wants me to come over and check the pilot light on her furnace. But enough about me, lil'k...this is YOUR thread.
Kicky, can littlek borrow your gun? And then can I?
Osso - I was away for thanksgiving with HM1 (which is why I couldn't tell HM2 the holiday on the cape was family only). HM1 returned 2 days ahead of me, to find a filled sludge cup and standing sludge water in the tub. Princess don't give a rats ass about flooding.
<by the way, Region, freaky picture!>
Beth, that may be how I have to deal.
Dasha - I definitely lean towards directness, it's just hard to do. I have been direct with her. I told her directly to take her hair out of the tub because it grosses me out. I have told her no about driving her places (and there's no way I'll let her take my car without me) before. Unfortunately, I have to be ready to react the right way. It's not natural for me and it means I have to be on my guard while at home which I hate. I just hadn't gotten my guard up yet since she'd returned.
Eva, it certainly doesn't have to be all me. I'm sort of feeling like a pain in the ass.
Act aloof. When she asks you for something, say no. Then when she comes back with some response, just look dumb, think about it for a second, and go, "naaah, I don't feel like it" or something like that. And if she asks why, just stare blankly at her for a minute and then go, "Huh?". Repeat this until she gives up.
I know, I am bad in that too. Maybe have a few sentences ready and rehearsed so she doesn't catch you off guard. You may have to tell her that she cannot rely on your help whenever she needs it, on her schedule, and without giving anything in return. not even the basic share of chores. yaaaah, i know, easier said then done, i would be doing exactly the same, but hey, it sounds good in theory. after all, she really really is not worth all this energy and wasted nerves on your side. take care of yourself, first.
I can see going with k/dasha points.
Gee, I am starting to seethe, 3000 miles away.
But wait, she didn't care about flooding. You all go to friends' apartments to bathe, let her flood, won't she be faced with self.
I'm kiddding here. At my age and grace, she'd be gone.
Well, she is gone until saturday..... and then again she leaves for another chunk of time.
When she and HM#1 are both back and settled in we'll have a hodown.
Yep.... And, now, the upstairs people are home, so I don't feel so edgy.
I haven't read through this thread really, but if you haven't resolved your issue, I think I have the perfect solution.
Because I sincerely care about your situation, I took it upon myself to really dig in and research roomate issues, and find out what is the best way to work around such pickles.
The three of you should try to all get on the same page. Do something together to lighten the mood, something to make everyone feel better, in order to better discuss and work through your problems.
Rent a lesbian porn and watch it together on the couch in your underwear, preferrably under a blanket.
You're welcome. Let me know how this pans out.
Oh, that's a good idea slappy, want to watch it with us?
Ooh...I don't know.
Innocent Catholic boy here, remember?
You'd have to really twist my arm.
Well, maybe I'll try asking you again if we three set up a time.
Ok, fax me a confirmation letter when you put that little shin-dig together.
I'll be sure to alert my secretary to keep her eye out....
Actually, never mind. I don't think I could ever pave things over with psyco chick.
Again, just confirming, against popular opinion...
Littlek sucks.
