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Relationship Advice

 
 
Reply Thu 23 Nov, 2017 12:31 am
I am 20 years old and am very excited to be expecting my first child the end of April 2018. I have know my boyfriend for over 2 years but we have been together for only 5 months. We got pregnant rather quickly after we started dating. He was and still is a great guy...but he has changed quite a lot from the time we started dating to now. I honestly do have feelings for him but it doesn't feel like we have the same connection we had in the beginning. I don't feel as close to him as I did before. We seem to be growing apart and when I try to communicate he just shuts down and won't talk. I find myself sometimes just leaving the house alone to get away for a bit and have peace to myself. Sometimes we have a great time together and we seem very happy..but most of the time its the very opposite. I sometimes wonder if it would be better to just end it so I can be happy again..but think about the baby and decide against it. I just want to be happy amd not stressed like I was before. Any tips or advice for my situation??
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okayu
 
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Reply Thu 23 Nov, 2017 05:28 am
@Emilybhaley,
You never ever want to have a child after, 5 months of dating, that is insane.
You have no idea what the person is like and you got no idea what to do in life and yet you did something like this.
My advice: If you can(I dont know, abortion->leave him) and focus on your life until you make such a big decision. Learn what is life, learn what is relationships.

If you want to be with him google this: The power struggle stage.
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maxdancona
 
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Reply Thu 23 Nov, 2017 07:16 am
@Emilybhaley,
Ignore Okayu (that was a very insensitive post).

First of all, congratulations! Raising a child is one of the best things I have ever done, it is a lot of work... but worth every minute.

Pregnancy is a stressful time in any relationship. When we have kids, we are doing something really life-changing for both parents. There are always strong emotions around this time. It is a little difficult that you haven't been dating your boyfriend very long. And, he is almost certainly going through a range of emotions about the pregnancy too.

First of all, take care of yourself. My advice is that you build and trust other people in your life (in addition to your boyfriend). It is very helpful to have friends and family who will be there for you and who aren't emotionally involved. Recognize that there is stress here... and use the support system you have.

Second, your relationship with your boyfriend is changing. A few months ago you were two people exploring a new relationship that wasn't permanent yet. Now you are embarking on being parents, something that will keep you working together for at least 18 years. This is a big deal, and something that you and your boyfriend will have to work through. Understand that your boyfriend is also under stress... there is no way around this.

My best advice is to keep trying to talk through it. Be honest with your boyfriend. Be kind. Hopefully he will respond the same. You might need to give him some space if he is shutting down. But, tell him exactly what you are feeling. When he talks, listen to him.

I do think that your boyfriend need to figure out what he wants... and he owes it to you to tell you what he is feeling and what commitment he has to you and to the baby. If he can't do this, that doesn't bode well for the relationship. On the other side, he may need a little time to work through this for himself (I realize that this may be difficult for you).

This is an emotional situation. there is no way around that. You have to work through it. If you want the relationship to continue... and especially if you choose to keep the baby, you need to figure out how to talk through these sometimes difficult emotions.

If you need to, couples therapy may be a very good idea. It will get another intelligent voice that isn't emotionally involved.



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