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Became a mistress ; confused by it all

 
 
Reply Sun 19 Nov, 2017 08:56 am
Here is the deal: I was married; had a couple of kids, my now ex wasn't give me sex for several years. I couldn't leave him because of financial reasons. I turned to a good guy friend of mine and we became FWB, I learned to love sex again as when sex goes; bickering starts and pretty much it isn't a marriage anymore. FWB moves away, I get divorced, I am happy and then I hear from someone who I have known for 30 years. He is in the same situation; but difference is, he has the money to leave , he is conflicted on what he wants and his needs aren't being met; he and wife hasn't had sex in a year. They both work and hardly see each other;

They argue and I know wife is like how I was, doing what she can to save the marriage. We were chatting and talking about the lack of sex and all of a sudden it turned to sexting. We both agreed it was wrong and dropped it, then it started again. While I know it is wrong; I am not getting emotionally involved; but I also get what he is going through, I have told him, he needs to work on the marriage; find out what he wants because both need to be happy either together or divorced.

I know a lot of people who are in these situations don't leave their partners/spouses because of the kids; I will give advice: kids see when parents are not happy. My parents divorced and married other people, I grew up happy. My parents were best friends after the divorce.

The situation is not typical; he isn't someone I met off the street or internet. We knew each other for years. I do care for him and give him advice when he wants it. We haven't done more than sexting and the sexting is every so often. While it is wrong, in most peoples eyes -- mine included, I also understand him, I have been in that situation, I understand. It sucks when you are not connecting with the partner.

Just to let you know, when I was married, I always wanted sex and he kept putting me off; turning me down. He wasn't cheating on me (I checked everything). He lost interest in sex once I had kids.

There are typical cheaters out there who have a great marriage; but there are people who need that emotional support; who want to feel loved and if the other half isn't providing, or turning a blind eye, then that is why some people wander. But it is up to the people to make the decision; am I happier outside the marriage? If so, maybe it is better if we divorce.
 
jespah
 
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Reply Sun 19 Nov, 2017 10:19 am
@newbiemistress,
You're right that kids will see when there are problems in a marriage. A child has to be either very, very young (think preschooler and younger) or significantly mentally disabled to not notice such things. People who think their kids have no clue are selling their kids short - the kids absolutely know.

As for your own situation, you are making it harder for this guy to figure out what to do. Sexting gives him a thrill so he puts off figuring out what to do. So does confiding in you. So stop.

I know you'll say, you've known him for so long, it's not like that, yadda yadda yadda we have seen all of it before here.

Admit it: the sexting is an ego rush for both of you. And by giving him this kind of rush, he continually fails to face reality.

If you care about him as a human being at all, you'll cut this **** out and look for companionship with someone who knows WTF they want out of life. If he leaves his wife (and chances are extremely good that he won't), then that's one thing. But maintaining a limbo existence isn't just unfair to his wife. It's also unfair to his kids, him, and even you.
newbiemistress
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Nov, 2017 03:11 pm
@jespah,
you are exactly right; I needed to hear from someone to say 'stop'. It is hard to get rid of this addiction, because lust is an addiction. And yes it does give my ego a boost. Both of us lol. We are very much alike in many ways , and I am always in control. I ended it recently. I told him, if he was single, this would be fine. but he isn't and until he gets his stuff together, this isn't cool . at. all.
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PUNKEY
 
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Reply Sun 19 Nov, 2017 06:05 pm
Glad you figured it out because I was just about to ask you why on earth would you now waste your time on a married man?
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