Tue 25 Apr, 2017 03:24 pm
I swore I wouldn't get Involved with emotions, but I'm afraid I couldn't rise above it
I'm having an affair with a man who is attached , but not legally married. I am in the exact same situation with my significant other . He calls her his wife because they have lived together for 10 years and have kids.
Our situation is a bit different, because they have slept in different bedroom for a long time and they pretty much can t stand each other. He is the main caretaker of their kids , complete Mr. Mom type, He has two houses and he stays at his beach house alot with the kids and she stays home.
I figured this would be a piece of cake , given the circumstances.. but after not seeing him for days because of her causing him trouble , it's getting tough. Especially now that I can't see him before he goes out of the country for work next week. He text me all day every day , we talk alot ..
Always sends me pictures of what he's doing , selfies with the kids.. etc
Thing is , I've never even had the passing thought of being jealous. Until today . And he was half joking when he said it, but he said she had been texting him all day and he was juat having a very stressful day because of her constant texts. I simply said ok , he said don't be jealous and followed it with a laugh. I said oh yeah right lol well I never was jealous until he put that in my mind.
How do you deal with this crazy rollercoaster of feelings?
I've been on both sides of this coin! But I understand your feelings and your reasons for justifying the relationship. Something is clearly broken with his "marriage". The problem is, the relationship it's not over… Or he would not be with her. My experience has been that men will often become unhappy in a relationship but won't leave unless there's someone there to run to. Love and respect yourself enough to tell him that it's over but if he decides to leave her, and does, then you'll consider a relationship with him. Let him be a strong enough man to leave on his own… Not with you waiting in the wings! Anyone that comes out of a relationship needs time to heal. It will be a tough adjustment for the kids… And if they think that you are the reason he left… Thry'll make your life hell!
I hate to be the voice of reason here, but instead of the lying and cheating, why not end your current relationships and then pursue something better?
And I see you think your situation is "different", it isn't. An affair is an affair. The circumstances, the why's don't really matter or make it any better. Just about every single "I'm having an affair, what do I do" post starts out with a disclaimer that it's different or special or unique. You could have saved us the backstory and just posted, "I'm a woman having an affair with an attached guy. What do I do?"