Is this normal for a marriage?

Dear DDad:

" It will take sometime to regain trust and security with her for obvious reasons."

You bet it will. GOOD FOR YOU. Just be reading your posts I can see you have had tremendous insight into both your roles here.

ENJOY your trip, Cool

even if it is "one last effort". That way IF it does not work out, you will at least have the satisfaction of "having done everything in your power" to try and correct the situation. I hope this works out the way you want it to, GOSH where were you guys when I was single. (Just Kidding, I got one of the best) IMO she will really regret letting you go one day, if she looses you. May God Bless (HUGS/PRAYERS)

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Fantasy Island??? Never heard of it. I'm in my upper 20s and am not sure how old I was when that show was on tv.

You guys make good points about taking drastic trips and satisfying the urge to do the new and exciting. It is so true that I should not have to compete with the wine & diners.

I also enjoy traveling, and can see how this is too soon. We are getting amazing fares and hotel for this particular week, so the timing is for budget reasons and our 1 year anniversary is coming up, not so much a last chance effort, so to speak. I guess if I'm crying in my drink on vacation, it would be a sign to start a new life for me. And I cannot put a price on that realization ... My personal opinion is that everything is in one's head and it's all about perception. If this fantasy trip helps rebuild the perception of marriage and the reasons we got together in the first place, i'm willing to try. We did not discuss this in counseling and i should have.

You guys think i'm getting walked over further, or it's perfectly reasonable to go on this trip?

Also, i read this forum correspondence to my wife, and she enjoyed the insight. We can tell that those who replied are well experience and mature in relationships. We are using yoru wisdoms in part to move forward.

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In all likelihood, she's keeping her fingers crossed this will change something to... but it wont. If you can afford to cap off your efforts with a nice vacation, why not? I say go for it! But make it Costa Rica... where you couldn't find a place isolated enough to cry in your drink without being interrupted by a beautiful woman. :wink: The attention you'd receive might just remind your wife how desirable you are too. :cool:

Fantasy Island was a TV series where the two guys in that picture made guest's fantasies come true...
It doesn't exist. :wink:

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Hi Occom, i take it from your response that you're familiar with Costa Rica. I was unable to PM you, but is it possible to discuss this aside from the forum further, if you're willing?

It would be helpful to et some advice on where to stay, what to do, travel tips. So far, we've discovered the nicer part of the country ist the Pacific side, and not to fly into San Jose.

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OCCOM BILL wrote:

... make it Costa Rica... where you couldn't find a place isolated enough to cry in your drink without being interrupted by a beautiful woman. :wink: The attention you'd receive might just remind your wife how desirable you are too. :cool:

This is great plan... I hope DDad has a fabulous time however it works out.

I haven't been there but we sent our kids to learn some Spanish. They enjoyed it very much -- the food, the climate, the people, the good deals on taxis, the volcanoes, the jungle, the beaches... even the monkeys & the turtles. Lots to do and lots of places to lie around doing nothing.

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DestinysDad wrote:

Hi Occom, i take it from your response that you're familiar with Costa Rica. I was unable to PM you, but is it possible to discuss this aside from the forum further, if you're willing?

Yes. I'll send you a PM with a Gmail address. In the mean time, I asked and answered a lot of questions and answers about the place here.

DestinysDad wrote:

It would be helpful to et some advice on where to stay, what to do, travel tips. So far, we've discovered the nicer part of the country ist the Pacific side, and not to fly into San Jose.

Unless you're taking a ship, or driving down, I don't know how you'll avoid San Jose... or why you'd want to. Most of what I know is in San Jose too. You might want to post some questions in the link I posted above as well. A lot of knowledgeable people responded to that thread already, and they'll see it pop up in their "my posts" once it's reactivated. Idea

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DDad--

Stop taking full charge of this trip and turn some of the planning over to your Child Wife.

Remember, the two of you are traveling as a married couple--not as a Sugar Daddy with a bimbo.

Costa Rica is not going to be a Place of Miracles unless you start stateside by planning your trip together.

Good luck.

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Quote:

Stop taking full charge of this trip and turn some of the planning over to your Child Wife.

I know it's hard to get a good idea about people over forums, but that is hardly the case. She is the more controlling one (i'm working on this). She is excellent at planning trips and always thinking in advance. I admire it in a way since i can barely think about what I'm doing in a couple hours. She is child in age and in the marriage.

I feel like I've got my wife back, but going back to the analogy of pushing a car of the train tracks. Our marriage is that car and it got into a "hit and run", so to speak. Now that I've poured hard work and sweat into pushing it off the tracks, I can now see the damage done. I loved that car more than anything, and I am willing to fix it. But I am in the stage of still surveying the damage. We will postpone the trip a little bit, and sacrifice the commemoration date of the anniversary. This is mostly due to availability, but it certainly will appease some of the concerns on the forum.

And here i go talking about myself (i must sound like such an egomaniac), but this forum is almost therapeutic in many ways.

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DD--

On this forum you don't have to worry about being "fair" or "superhumanly objective". You only have to be your honest self.

You're doing a good job at that.

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Dude, nothing wrong with talking about yourself. Hell, that's about all I do. Anything I may be able to do for you, I'd only do because it makes me feel better about me. It's always about me. :wink:

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DestinysDad wrote:

Quote:
Stop taking full charge of this trip and turn some of the planning over to your Child Wife.

I know it's hard to get a good idea about people over forums, but that is hardly the case. She is the more controlling one (i'm working on this). She is excellent at planning trips and always thinking in advance. I admire it in a way since i can barely think about what I'm doing in a couple hours. She is child in age and in the marriage.

I feel like I've got my wife back, but going back to the analogy of pushing a car of the train tracks. Our marriage is that car and it got into a "hit and run", so to speak. Now that I've poured hard work and sweat into pushing it off the tracks, I can now see the damage done. I loved that car more than anything, and I am willing to fix it. But I am in the stage of still surveying the damage. We will postpone the trip a little bit, and sacrifice the commemoration date of the anniversary. This is mostly due to availability, but it certainly will appease some of the concerns on the forum.

And here i go talking about myself (i must sound like such an egomaniac), but this forum is almost therapeutic in many ways.

Not at all. We expect people to talk about themselves. It is just a way to share. Obviously you don't ask for help pushing the car if it is running fine.

(I'm loving the car analogy!)

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Ya, that's the bomb. I've filed it for future use too.

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Is this normal for a marriage?

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