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Thu 26 Oct, 2017 04:23 pm
So, quite a long story but in short, i got married not even a year ago. 2 months after the wedding i went away to work for 3 months, we saw each other once a week, and we knew it would be rough, but she didn't oppose it because she knew i was making the decision to set us up for a better future with the opportunity to make extra money. Before the summer, we had a good relationship never really fought about anything. We had some things that needed to be worked out like not using cellphones at dinner and learning better communication skills and growing to have more in common, but besides that we were happy. Small differences is values when it came to sex, but that can also be worked out.
Mid summer, sex life began dying out and it started seeming like a duty rather than an enjoyable event. She stopped foreplay and seemed very disconnected. One day i kept poking to see what the cause was and she came out with "I love you but i dont think im in love with you anymore, i lost romantic feelings"
I went through every possible situation from is there another man? to do you not trust somehing about me? and everything in between, and she swears up and down she just doesnt know why she feels this way. We have been going to a marriage therapist and still live together and she still wants to try and work it out, but her version of doing so is sitting around and waiting, living normally together again and hoping that the feelings just come back. Before the summer, we were living at home with my parents which bothered her because she wanted to start a life of our own, but now we did that so im assuming anything negative from that has dissipated.
Unfortunately i just had surgery and am out of work so i sit home all day and think about everything going on so instead of returning to normal for the past month, iv been asking alot of questions and talking about it every day which upsets her, but i cant help it. I feel like this is making things worse and i dont know how else to handle it, i dont know if sitting around and waiting is going to actually do anything so im trying to actively fix it.
This girl means the world to me and i cant imagine losing her, i def coulda been a better partner before this but i wasnt bad, just taking things for granted sometimes and not showing her how much i appreciate her and what she means to me. Im so dead scared of losing her at this point and dont know what to do, how can someone go from being in love and marrying you and then 4 months later lose all feeling for you without a specific reason or event causing it?
I NEED HELPPPPP :'(
These are questions you should be asking your therapist.
Your wife needs to be more honest with you. Something is going on.
And you need to be more approachable and accepting of her feelings. You seem so busy talking that you are not listening.
@PUNKEY,
When i say talk i actually mean asking her questions and trying to get het to open up. The therapists seem to take a very indirect loooong approach to these things not understanding i need it to come quicker before this ends. She swears up and down she doesn't know why. I'm so lost i wish there was something to actually be causing this, i assume it is related to gong away to work but i can't imagine out would habe had thus long lasting of an effect
@teamset,
teamset wrote:, i assume it is related to gong away to work but i can't imagine out would habe had thus long lasting of an effect
long distance can be a long-term bloodletter for a relationship
let the therapy go at the pace it needs to. rushing it isn't likely to benefit you. she could easily say - want an answer right now? the answer is it's over
relationship fixes aren't instant or fast
in the meantime, do what you can to make life at home pleasant. try to make sure that you've taken care of all the housework you can manage while you're home. prepare meals, do laundry, take care of light cleaning if you can't manage heavy cleaning. don't let her feel that not only is the relationship dying, but she's got a lot of extra work at home now.
__
long distance relationships aren't necessarily worth the extra $ they bring in. a little bit of financial struggle is often a better bet.
@teamset,
teamset wrote: iv been asking alot of questions and talking about it every day which upsets her, but i cant help it.
yes you can help it
stop
stop the questions when you're not in meetings with the therapist
give her a break
she's going to really learn to dislike you if you push push push
@ehBeth,
Trust me if i knew it would less to this i would never have taken the job i regret every minute of it.
I guess ill tri my best at this point to not talk admit anything outside of therapy and hippie that the feelings somehow come back. I feel dead inside right now knowing i messed up this bad without even realizing it
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