Me Too

Non-verbal communication is not clear, right ... which is why it's so incredibly important to verbally communicate that you're not interested. Which she eventually did - and immediately after she did that, he complied. OK?

When Ansari told her he was going to grab a condom within minutes of their first kiss, Grace voiced her hesitation explicitly. “I said something like, ‘Whoa, let’s relax for a sec, let’s chill.’” She says he then resumed kissing her, briefly performed oral sex on her, and asked her to do the same thing to him. [...] Ansari also physically pulled her hand towards his penis multiple times throughout the night, from the time he first kissed her on the countertop onward. “He probably moved my hand to his dick five to seven times,” she said. “He really kept doing it after I moved it away.” [...]

Grace says she spent around five minutes in the bathroom, collecting herself in the mirror and splashing herself with water. Then she went back to Ansari. He asked her if she was okay. “I said I don’t want to feel forced because then I’ll hate you, and I’d rather not hate you,” she said. She told babe that at first, she was happy with how he reacted. “He said, ‘Oh, of course, it’s only fun if we’re both having fun.’ [..] Then he said, ‘Let’s just chill over here on the couch.’” [...] When she sat down on the floor next to Ansari, who sat on the couch, [...] Ansari instructed her to turn around. “He sat back and pointed to his penis and motioned for me to go down on him. [...] Then he brought her to a large mirror, bent her over and asked her again, “Where do you want me to **** you? Do you want me to **** you right here?” He rammed his penis against her ass while he said it, pantomiming intercourse. [...]

“After he bent me over is when I stood up and said no, I don’t think I’m ready to do this, I really don’t think I’m going to do this. And he said, ‘How about we just chill, but this time with our clothes on?’” They got dressed, sat side by side on the couch they’d already “chilled” on, and he turned on an episode of Seinfeld. [...] While the TV played in the background, he kissed her again, stuck his fingers down her throat again, and moved to undo her pants. She turned away. [...] “I remember saying, ‘You guys are all the same, you guys are all the ******* same.’” Ansari asked her what she meant. When she turned to answer, she says he met her with “gross, forceful kisses.”

After that last kiss, Grace stood up from the couch, moved back to the kitchen island where she left her phone, and said she would call herself a car. He hugged her and kissed her goodbye, another “aggressive” kiss. When she pulled away, Ansari finally relented and insisted he’d call her the car.

she actually "verbally communicated" that she wasn't interested in what he was doing at least three times, in different ways

if you look at what people are saying here as a set of norms that can leave fewer people traumatized and make sex better -- for everyone; and that a new generation in particular is setting out to hold up better than many of us did ... that can't not be a good thing, no?

he ... stuck his fingers down her throat

What is happening is very disappointing to me personally, downright heartbreaking, because I have always supported gender equality and 'second wave feminism' (I'm getting better at understanding the feminist waves, for what it's worth). Feminism as a form of humanism. And this form of intellectually honest feminism is losing out, being decimated on the social media front by hordes of antiman furies.

I sense a strong change in the force... As is thousands of past female thinkers and activists and their books and ideas had been thrown out in a gigantic fire. As if thousands of men who counted themselves as feminist allies were being thrown overboard the feminist ship. It's tragic.

Quote:

if you look at what people are saying here as a set of norms that can leave fewer people traumatized and make sex better -- for everyone; and that a new generation in particular is setting out to hold up better than many of us did ... that can't not be a good thing, no?

My sense what's happening is in fact more trauma. More hatred. More injustice.

If the legal system is bypassed because it is seen as ineffectual, what will take its place? Who will be the new power brokers? It won't be the Bad Feminists like me. We are acceptable neither to Right nor to Left. In times of extremes, extremists win. Their ideology becomes a religion, anyone who doesn't puppet their views is seen as an apostate, a heretic or a traitor, and moderates in the middle are annihilated.

Fiction writers are particularly suspect because they write about human beings, and people are morally ambiguous. The aim of ideology is to eliminate ambiguity.

Brenda Russell, professor of applied psychology at Penn State-Berks, a baby boomer who has studied sexual harassment for 30 years, says her early research indicates that boomers often declined to report sexual harassment or rape. The term sexual harassment itself wasn't coined until 1975, and not widely discussed until 1991, the year Anita Hill testified against U.S. Supreme Court nominee Clarence Thomas.


"How many in our generation would never report harassment because, to some extent, it was expected, and you just dealt with it," she tells Refinery29. "If women did report, they were considered overly sensitive, a problem to be dealt with, or a liar."

After #MeToo, phone app allows you to legally consent to sex

LONDON (THOMSON REUTERS FOUNDATION) - A Dutch startup is launching an app which will allow people to give legal consent to sex via their mobile in an initiative spurred by Sweden's plans to bolster its rape law.

The LegalFling app, which lets users set out which practices they are and are not comfortable with, records sexual consent in a legally binding agreement. [...]

The app's creators said they came up with the idea as a practical response to Sweden's proposal to introduce legislation requiring explicit consent for sexual contact later this year.

The launch - due in three weeks - comes amid heated public debate over issues around consent triggered by the #MeToo social media campaign against sexual harassment and assault which has seen a slew of allegations against Hollywood stars.

The app uses blockchain, the technology behind the cryptocurrency bitcoin, making it impossible for anyone to tamper with the agreement.

Users can stipulate sexual dos and don'ts as well as rules on the use of condoms, disclosure of sexually transmitted diseases and the taking of photos and videos. The app allows both parties to agree on a penalty if footage is shared.

Acts of revenge porn if the relationship broke down would be a breach of contract and easy to take to court, the developers say.

The idea of such an app was ridiculed by actress Catherine Deneuve and other French women in a recent open letter which said the #MeToo campaign had gone too far and Sweden's plans "bordered on ridiculous".

"Next thing you know, two adults wanting to sleep together will have to specify beforehand, via an app... which practices they do and don't consent to," they wrote, apparently unaware of LegalFling. [...]