Wed 13 Sep, 2017 07:16 am
I'm not sure what to do or where I stand in my relationship anymore. We're both two guys in our early twenties, and have been together for about 6 months. We've both had one previous relationship each, however I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend, whereas he has had a few sexual partners before me. Although we have only been together for a few months, we have had some problems and a few fights. I'm unsure what to do anymore, all of my friends think I should end the relationship, but I'm looking for some unbiased and impartial advice. I'm not sure if the thing he have done arrents or justifies me breaking up with him, but they are things that really bother me and effect my self confidence, happiness and sense of security within the relationship.
Okay I'll start at the beginning. We were dating for around 6 weeks before getting into a relationship officially. After we had got into a relationship, I found out through my boyfriends twitter, that he had a friend with benefits up until the time we got together, the last time they had sex was the day before we got together officially. I know I can't hold having a fwb against him, but there's a few things that bothered me about it. 1. He never actually told me for himself, I had to find out on his twitter. 2. He met my friends, took me out for my birthday and I had met his parents and been in his house during this time. 3. He asked me not to kiss other guys when I was out with my friends in a club, yet he had a fwb. 4. He told me that during the last time they had sex, his fwb told him they shouldn't do it and it was wrong and that he was basically in a relationship with me so they shouldn't do it, yet my boyfriend wanted it. His fwb was also 20 years older than him. My boyfriend has told me before how he prefers older guys than younger, and has described himself as a "daddy chaser". This has made me feel really insecure, as we're both in our early 20's, in fact he's a year older than me. He's said how late 20's- early 30's is the perfect age and the one he's most attracted to, and he likes guys up until the age of 40. I find this has really made me insecure and unsure of what to think. He's also still in contact with his friends with benefits, and has even been messaging him when I'm beside him. He doesn't see anything wrong with this.
He also points out when he thinks other guys are hot to me. When he does it it's usually older guys. He will say what he thinks is hot about them, says whether he would date them and sometimes if he'd have sex with them. I've told him how much this upsets me and he said he'll stop but its hurt so much that he's even done it in the first place. I'm a very insecure and body conscious person, and I know find myself comparing myself to all these other guys because I know he finds them attractive and would date them. He says he does it because it's fun and like "having a gossip with the girls" but it's really damaged my self confidence and self esteem, and I already had little to begin with. He also had a semi-open relationship with his ex, where the could make out with and kiss other guys, even if they were both in the club together, so the fact he tells me when he finds other guys attractive obviously worries me, I've told him that I don't want an open relationship however and he says he doesn't want another one. I have major anxiety though, so a lot of these things he says triggers it and makes me worry, and him reassuring me of stuff doesn't always make it better. He has also described my anxiety as a "major flaw", which anyone with anxiety will know, is possibly the worst thing you could say to someone with anxiety. I keep my anxiety to myself now as I don't feel comfortable talking with him about it.
He has also flirted with a guy very intensely on twitter while we were in a relationship, which bothered me so much. He comments on other guys photos on Facebook and calls them hot. It wouldn't bother him if I called his male friends hot, which I just find very unusual. He's gotten drunk at a party before telling me how there was a hot guy there that he wanted to make out with but he didn't. All of these things trigger my anxiety so much. My friends also hate him because of these things, and have pushed me to dump him. Not one of my friends like him. He's also said that he sees parcelled with us as in his last relationship, as he's the first guy I've had are eith, and he feels like I'm missing out and stuff, which I think means he was hinting for an open relationship.
The most upsetting thing he's done however involves my body. I've suffered with body confidence for years. I used to be extremely overweight throughout my adolescence but lost the weight and I've gotten to be the ideal weight and it's a healthy weight. I still suffer greatly with body confidence and stuff. I've told my boyfriend all about this stuff. Yet he's told me how the body types he's most attracted to are his own type, and a bears type, and he's said I'm neither. He said that I don't fit into his "description of a perfect body", and that losing weight would make "sex easier" and I'd be "nimbler". This has effected me so much. He says he still loves my body and stuff but he says things like this. It's effected my body confidence so much.
There's also the good side to him. He is so attractive and has an amazing body. We share so many common interests, and have so much to talk about. He takes me on great dates. He's told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that he loves me so much, he's also said I'm the best sex he's ever had and that he wishes he kept his virginity for me. He says I'm the hottest guy in the world and that he's really lucky and stuff. I admittedly do spoil him and make sec all about him. He says all these nice things but all these horrible things too, it messes with my mind and I don't know what to believe.
Any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated, thank you <3
You need to decide if this relationship is superficial or not. . It' seems to be based a lot on sex and good looks.
In the meantime, he is cheating on you. - physically and emotionally.
So YOU should have the "fwb" role with him. That seems to be what he likes and what holds his attention.
His promises to you about any long term relationship is his way of feeding your fantasies.
From what I read....He's a very honest, blunt, selfish, manipulative guy. He sounds very much like me but way worse. I at least know sometimes to shut up and know what not to say. BUT...good for you because you know his honest thoughts.
1. Leave him. It is the best solution. He's too honest for your tender heart. And if loyalty is questionable, then he may cheat in the future once sex gets boring and it will after 10 years, 5 years, or even 2 years; whatever. He obviously doesn't respect you enough or doesn't prioritize you enough to stop texting that ex-fwb. You can't have him talking to someone that once sucked his dick, and it's a valid point to make. He's also manipulative to control you but still have a fwb when you guys were just dating. a lot of red flags here.
2. But he's too sexy to leave and treats me so good half the time and I don't know if I'll find anyone that compares to him again~ Well....that sucks because I don't support this, but you can talk to him about his honesty and your feelings. Tell him he needs to learn to not share anything that may hurt your insecurity. Keep it to himself. It's normal to find other people sexy and more ideal and his perfect imaginary person but it doesn't need to be shared. Dont let him hinder your body. Everyone have different preference and I'm sure you do too but you know better not to voice it or care.
wait!? you can't even have comfort for your anxiety???? dump his ass now. too many red flags to ignore. You're only hurting yourself more and poisoning your mind when you're with him. Get away from him, a poison, that is making you feel the way you do. You should not be feeling the way you do in a relationship. This is not a relationship to be in. You know better. Be strong and break it off. Cry after, whatever, but let him go quick.
I think you're right, he always says how much he loves me and wants to be with me forever when he makes me angry or upset