No Sex, No Communication, Seriously Depressed...what to do?

I've been reading this board for the last few days hoping to find advice or some sort of way to resolve my situation.

I met Brian in February. We hit it off immediately and became inseparable. I love him very much. In July he was transferred to another state for his job, 900 miles from home. He asked me to come with him. I left my job and my family in October to move away to be with him. Things have been rocky ever since.

We have not had sex in almost six months. He is rarely affectionate, I get usually one peck on the lips when he gets home from work. We've fought about the no sex several times. He uses excuses like work, stress, tiredness and the fact that I am not a domestic goddess. By this I mean that I despise housework. I never promised him otherwise. I am not saying I am a slob, but a little clutter (not filth) does not bother me. He expects a pristine household. Despite this, I still do all the domestic chores...cooking (he expects homemade meals every night), cleaning, laundry, etc... We have argued over this as well because I don't think I should have to do it all. He usually gets upset, throws a tantrum, tells me I don't do that much, he will do his own laundry (which he starts, but never finishes, I end up doing it) and that I need to ask if I want help. Well, I ask, but he always puts me off and I end up doing it myself. He doesn't see it this way.

He claims on of the reasons he doesn't want sex is because the house is "a mess". His point being mainly one room in the house which we decided would be my spare room (he has one as well).

When I moved at the first of October to be with him I had very little time to unpack my things (a whole household) as I was starting a job the following Monday. My spare room is full of my things...besides having my old bedroom furniture crammed in it, there are a lot of boxes, some open and half way unpacked with my clothes. There are things on the floor. It bothers him, I mean really bothers him. It does not so much bother me. I have little time to deal with it. I have made some progress, but it's slow and that really is my style when it comes to cleaning and organizing.

He uses this room as the excuse for not wanting sex. Poor housekeeper = No sex. Is this the reason? I wonder all the time. I think it's me, that's he all of sudden not attracted to me or he's cheating (which I know he's not) or he doesn't love me anymore.

He's not a very emotional or affectionate person, but his affection has tapered off since I moved here. It makes me feel like I've made a huge mistake and now I'm stuck 900 miles away from my family with a man who treats as if I'm insignificant and just there for his convenience.

I feel resentful and angry towards him because of the lack of intimacy. We had another huge fight last night because he said I was acting "pouty". Well, I just have begun distancing myself from him because it hurts too much to continue to be rejected. He pays no attention to me. From the time he gets home, it's a peck on the lips, how was your day? (though he's so uninterested, it's a going through the motions thing), what's for dinner...then I serve him dinner, do the dishes, he sits in the recliner, watches tv and ignores me unless I leave the room and then in this sweet voice says "baby, where are you going?"

Last night he asked me what I wanted from him. I told him more affection, more help around the house and appreciation for what I do do.

He said he needs me to keep the house clean. I said I do, but he says it's not good enough. I told him I would try but that I need some initiative on his part first because I am tired of giving and giving and being the only one trying to make things work. He got really angry and said he won't be threatened. I said well, I guess that's it then and walked out of the room. He attempted to start mindless conversation once or twice but I just ignored him. We slept apart last night.

I am leaving to go see my family on Friday for a few days without him (this has been planned for some time). I can't leave with things like this. It is destroying me. I have never been so depressed, isolated and lonely in my entire life.

Please help me. I don't know what to say to him to get him to understand how I feel. I cry when we fight and he yells and tells me I just do it for attention. I hate crying and I can't help it. It's not some ploy to get what I want. It makes me feel weak. He is very insensitive and tells me to toughen up. What do I do? How do I save this relationship? Become this domestic goddess he wants at the sake of my own happiness?

Thanks for listening. I'm sorry this is so long.