Is it me or her?

I think is is partly my business as Im his friend and it involves me anyway.Its my life she is effecting.

I have left it alone, he is the one that drags things up.

What do you want to see happen?

He obviously won't stop trying to get you as long as you are involved with him. She will obviously not stop being mad at him as long as you are involved... you say you want him to be happy... sounds like you should just leave them alone.

I'm not saying it is your fault but you being there is part of the problem. If you remove yourself from the situation there is nothing for her to be mad at and no one for him to persue. Plus you don't have to deal with the drama anymore.

OCCOM BILL- How have I behaved badly?

Freeduck- you are sppokily accurate.
What does he do for me?I feel like im the real me when I talk to him and he makes me/everybody laugh,even the crap jokes and silly behaviour.He can be embarrassing and go over the top at times and i think 'thank god he ISNT mine anymore.Somebody else can be embarrassed'.

How many more times can I say I HARDLY SEE HIM AND WHEN I DO I CANT TALK TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!

Im not going to stop going out to make her happy.

'Im so sorry I exsist, please forgive me.Tell you what, il wait in a cupboard until your ok with him having ex's or until you wake up and realise he is the one causing your unhappiness.Do you have anymore rules for me as I know your life is far more important than mine'

Surely she has dealt with ex's before!!!!!

I suggested the apology, for your benefit, not hers. Same with the 3-way conversation. If she's party to the conversation when you say you have no romantic interests in her man, she can get a more accurate read of the body language you both display. If dude's feelings for you betray him, good, she deserves to know. If you're sincere in your lack of interest, her knowing it will only benefit you… unless you derive some pleasure in knowing she worries about you (you probably do). Think about it honestly though, and you'll realize that's mean-spirited and you should find better ways to feed your ego.

If your goal is to keep your friend then try to be a better friend. The 3-way meeting may alleviate some of her concerns, thereby improving your collective comfort level when you happen to show up at the same gathering in the future. The blame game is counterproductive if it is civility to seek. Ideally, you should cultivate some form of solidarity with her, (like some silly private joke about him you could share) so she starts to see you as something more than just a threat. Your suggestion that you just want to protect him from making a mistake is incompatible with wanting civil relations between the 3 of you. Either accept her as his lady or accept her viewing you as a threat to her happiness. The day won't come that she's comfortable with her man hanging out with an ex he still cares for and who thinks they don't belong together. Think about it. Your request is unreasonable and as the third wheel, the blame is on you.

I'm confused... if you barely see him or talk to him anymore than how good of a friend is he? If he isn't that good of a friend then what is the problem?

I have a friend from college that has been working on a cruise ship for about 6 years that I get to see about once/twice a year.
Does that mean we are not friends with each other?

I know his fiances insecurities are all down to her and I have no desire to ease her unhappiness as she has caused me plenty.
I dont go up to him and be all flirty but Im not gona avoid sitting near to him just coz she wouldnt like it.

So Im being blamed for exsisting am I?Hmmm shall I have a word with my parents and curse them for concieving me???
I dont get this ego feeding thing!Ive already explained I get nothing from this and even he has said he realises the same thing.How is someone lying about liking me boosting my ego???Surely you would be clever enough to realise its very depressing.
At the pals wedding he said 'Ive got plenty of friends I dont need you', but the next time I saw him he was nice to me and bought me a drink.(she wasnt around obviously)

I dont want civil relations.I dont want to pretend to get on with her and I hope YOU dont form pretend friendships!!

What kind of shared joke should I share with her?Shall we talk about his technique in bed?She has completely changed him so I probably couldnt relate to how he is now with her.Plus that would make him feel like we are ganging up on him.

I see your point, Im sure apologies are a good way to solve this but seeing as its not me with the twisted view of things I dont see why I should aplogize.
We had the conversation, she had multiple personalities and contradictory stories.I think he would have a meltdoown if we had a 3 way discussion tho it would be funny.

Ive gone from this situation really winding me up and upsetting me to seeing it as such a silly thing and from my last conversation with her I realise she is a complete liar and nothing will be resolved with her attitude.

OCCOM-Is that you in the picture?

I am trying to pm you material girl, but it won't let me. Blah! Just my luck!

You're not trying.

Lateness, sloppyness,.. something superficial and harmless.

If there is half a brain in his head, he'd prefer that to what's going on now.

And therein lies YOUR PROBLEM.


Friendships? Not a chance. Civilty... for the mutual benefit of all involved? Every day I do.


It better be!

Your so sane and forgiving.Kinda wish I was like you.

Can I just say I dont think i have a problem as Im just doing this for a fresh perspective.The negative feedback has been refreshing.I usually try and convince people to be on my side.

I thought my ego being fed was supposed to be a bad thing???!!Why would you want me to try?

Sharing a joke would mean actually having to talk to her.She makes my flesh crawl with her fakeness.Remember we were easily nice to each other for 3 years, then SHE flipped coz of something HE did.

ganging up on him-Ive no doubt you are right but I doubt the situation enters his head unless she is freaking out at him.

Civility-We have nothing to talk about so its easy for us not to talk to each other.It would have been civil of her to realise her jealousy and his actions are not MY problem. I DONT make digs at her whenever she is about.

She has upset me so much she makes me sometimes feel physically sick.

What time is it over there?

9:50 a.m. here... where's there? Oh, and a healthy ego is essential to a healthy mind. It's just not healthy to prop it up artificially. Pride in the potential to home-wreck fits in this category. Find someone it's exciting to care about and these issues will dissolve on their own. I'd guess you're just bored. Good luck to you.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bored.Ive been at work while posting on this forum!!Its so quiet I have alot of time to think about pointless things.Trying to get a new job so you may be rid of me in the new year.......was that a cheer I heard?!!

3pm in the UK.

Completely agree with you, Ive not much negativity resounding in my head when I have someone to care about, just the usual 'does he really like me??!!!'worry worry!!
Of course I didnt mean to imply that caring only comes in the form of a boyfriend.My friend has a 6 year old daughter.She is the cutest little thing in the world and she always makes me happy.When I need a pick me up I just think of her giggly laugh.Aaaah.

Still dont get the ego thing.I used to be an absolute push over hence Her Ladyship getting away with so much.I must have pride/an ego now as she made me change into the bitch I am now so in a way I should thank her.Actually I did thank her when we had our last 'discussion'.She was drunk so I doubt she remembered anything.

You have given me wise advice. I like the rational way you think.I hope to adopt it in the future with anyone other than her.

If it wasnt for the cheese on your head youd look alot like my brother!

You sound a bit upset with life material?

I have my peaks and troughs.Im kinda ok at the moment tho.Thanks for your concern.
Truthfully Ive been so depressed in the past its been pretty scary.Dont like to address it as Im sure Im just being silly and its 'just a phase'.

I realised recently if I ever talk about anything its usually about TV as thats all I do.Which makes me not want to talk as I think Im boring people.

I cant talk about relationships,career,buying a house(like pals are doing at the mo)etc like people my age do(29) as Im not experiencing any of it and havnt really for years, so I feel like Im a teenager in comparison to others!!

I realise I dont do myself any favours by not going out much but I dont know where decent guys hang out,they all smoke too which is yucky.
Career, Im working on it.If all goes well I will be doing the job of my dreams so there is hope at the end of the tunnel.
Buying a house, impossible as money income at current job is low and money may be iffy for a while with new job, plus I dont know how much it will bring in.Parents are fab letting me still live with them but I often wonder how I/my life would change if I had my own place.

I try to appreciate what I do have in my life and Im trying to change my attitude eg,stop waiting for things to come to me.

Yes, sometimes it is important to know that the future is in your hands. You will get your own house at some stage. You are still young and have heaps of time

Hope so,I can still picture myself living at home when im 40!!

No, you won't. You have a good job so at some stage you will get a house.

By the way, seeing as the email thingy in here doesn't work, i updated my profile to put my email addy and msn on it, so it would be good to keep in contact with you. If that is okay with you.

Naff job, earning half what somebody would in earn doing the same job in a professional company. A job that allows me to post to forums all day!!

No offence meant but Il stick to the forum to contact you for now.

Im off for christmas from tomorrow til the ne year so I wont be bugging you guys for a couple of weeks.

I see your going to New York in 2005!
I went in 1994, have you been before?