texted him one last time

i would not be flattered. by now i would be annoyed. let him contact you when HE feels like it. not YOU.

diana78- If you keep nagging and annoying the guy, he is going to lose interest fast, if he hasn't already. He spelled it out to you. IMO, back off.

Thread number three, I presume.

You've definitely gone into "clingy, annoying" girl mode.

Lose his number. If he calls you, he calls you.

re
I am going to back off. As i said before if i'm interested in someone and they are not in me, i would just like to know...i dont want to sit around and wait for someone NOT to call. WHy cant people jsut be straight as in, sorry i am not interested, i have too much going on my life to be hang out/talk to you. That's all i'd need to hear and i would not nag anyone ever. I tell it like it is.
And honestly why am i the one who is getting all the blame? He turned cold pretty darn fast if you ask me. He had no problem trying to have sex with me the other night (he didnt get any) and he had no problem making plans with me...so 3 phone calls and i'm out? Sounds like i was never really in to begin with then so f*ck it.

remember he has some problems he needs to sort out? pretty serious ones from what you described. try to be more understanding and don't focus on yourself only. how are things from his perspective? try that exercise, imagine what might be going on through his head considering all the issues he has to face.

diana, this pattern keeps repeating over and over again with you. It goes something like this:

1. Looks around desperately for a guy
2. Finds a possibility
3. Gets his interest, usually involving some permutation of hooking up
4. Immediately starts obsessing about whether he's actually interested or just looking for an easy hook-up
5. Immediately starts "are you really interested?" overdrive
6. Guy loses interest

A seventh element to the pattern which can happen anywhere along the way (though usually between 3 and 4) is starting a thread here about it, getting advice, ignoring advice, and starting a new thread.

Oh mei sozobe, you just might have sparked thread # 4

re
i'm glad everyone likes to knock me when i'm down. I really like him and this really hurts! I havent eaten anything all day.

diana, I'm sorry to knock you. It goes something like this:

You see someone putting their finger in the fire and say "hey, that's gonna hurt!", but it's too late and she does anyway. Lots of sympathy there.

You see her putting her finger in the fire again and you say, "hey, remember, that hurts!", but it's too late. Still sympathy.

You see her putting her finger in the fire AGAIN and you say, "hello, remember last time? Finger! Fire! Hurts!", but too late again. Sympathy is waning.

It wasn't just three calls, it was the three calls and endless follow-ups. Which you knew not to do and did anyway.

If there are some underlying issues, and you face them and deal with them, more power to you. If you start to put your finger in the fire and say, "Dammit, I'm putting my finger in the fire again!! What's wrong with me?" and grab it out and hie thee to a therapist, excellent.

Good luck.

Diana, maybe you should get a dog.

Re: re


Holy Smokes, girl. How many times can these wonderful folks here at A2K keep giving you the same advice, over and over and over again and because you don't want to hear it, you keep badgering them for more advice! As far as I can see, this guy of yours owes you Noting. He doesn't have to give you any explanation at all. You have only known him two weeks and if you can understand THIS, there IS no relationship between the two of you. NONE! IMO, this guy is being WAY too nice to you. If I were in his shoes and you act the way you do? I'd be as far out of touch with you as I possibly could be. He doesn't need to send you a special delivery note saying "I'M NOT INTERESTED'' His actions by not calling you have said that over and over. Would it make you feel better if you "knew for sure" by him finally getting fed up with your incessant neediness and insecurities and yelled at you and told you to go away?

That said, which I agree with, diana 78, I and the rest of us here do care about how you feel about yourself. We want you to like yourself and stop being so wildly needy of someone, anyone, else's slightest nod.

We give you nods, for even coming here and posting, and would like to hear much more about the ordinary real you.

But most of us have no patience to hear about you chasing some guy's text. None at all, now, after what seems like the fourteenth time.
You are the interesting person.
You are probably lonely.
We understand that.
Don't just toss yourself because of that.

re
well i havent contacted him at all since i got the, 'yes i do want to talk, just not now, i will call' message from him. He didnt call last night. I was really upset about it and had a good cry with my roomate and my friend. I just dont understand what i did that would cause this reaction from him that is causing him not to want to even speak to me. He came on to me pretty strong-spending the first weekend he met me at his parents house, insisting that i stay with him, then calling me every day, then coming to visit me and taking me to nice places. He is 3 hrs away right now for AA but he was like, i will be home soon and we can hang out more then. He had just been telling me on saturday that he wanted me to come visit him where he is.

Obviously me calling those 3 times and the asking why he wouldnt speak to me really triggered something in him. My friends were honest and said, you know it's ok for you to call us like that 3 times in a row, but other people get annoyed by it. I normally dont make calls like that, but i just felt comfortable with him. My friends did agree that they find it odd that was a deal breaker for him since he did seem very interested in me.

I only texted him twice yesterday and called once sunday-i really dont think that should be deemed as psychotic. I am just confused and no i suppose he doesnt owe me an explanation, but it would nice to have one. I was supposed to get together with him this saturday, he said he was going to take me to a 'nice dinner' then we were supposed to attend the same xmas party on sunday. Guess not anymore.

Do you go to school? Work? Have ANY interests other than looking for Mr Goodbar?

re
yes i do work full time and i'm in school for my masters...

re
no i guess deep down i knew nothing could really come out of this with his issues right now. He had told me though that he wouldnt be 3 hrs away for long and soon he would be closer. I guess i felt a bit led on. He said things like he would want me to stay over if he lived near me, and wanted me to come visit him. I dont say these things to people unless i mean them and i guess i expect the same of other.

At this point i just feel bad. Obviously i have scared him to the point where he is afraid to even call. We had a great time together, it did seem somewhat promsing, we had plans this weekend. I really feel bad that i pushed him away esp with all that he's going through. I guess i wanted to be friends (or more) with him so bad that i pushed it too soon...it sux because i had tons of fun with him ):

I am confused by him saying he wanted to talk to me and would call...i dont know if he said this to shut me up or if he meant it.

Masters in Psych. , I'll bet.

Maybe there's something to the whole AA angle. You know one of the rules is that you are not supposed to be in a relationship while you are getting clean.

It's possible he's blowing you off. It's also possible that he just can't talk to you right now. Try to understand that. There's no deadline here. Are you going to die if he doesn't call tonight or tomorrow? No. What if he calls you in three weeks and says, I'm clean now, wanna get together? Will it be too late? Doubt it. If you have something it's not going to disappear in one weeks time.