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How to fully get over an Ex-Girlfriend

 
 
Reply Wed 9 Aug, 2017 03:58 pm
So just over a month ago I broke up with my girlfriend of just over a year, my first real girlfriend. Our relationship wasn't perfect, and we didn't see each other often but we were still in a happy place with each other. In my case especially, I was working a terrible job that couldn't get me in more than 2 days a week, and I basically had very little money. She basically made everything feel better, most of the time.
Anyway, one day out of the blue she told me that she was ending things because I wasn't what she wanted. It came out of nowhere, and I couldn't grasp what had went wrong.

After plenty of talking she eventually admitted that she had met someone else a couple nights before and she really liked him, but after further arguing I found out she had been on tinder whilst she was going out with me, she had known this boy for weeks and had even shared a bed with him. When I found all this out, i felt awful. I hated her but I still wanted to talk to her at the same time and it was murder. This feeling only got worse when she sent me tons of snapchats of her and her new boyfriend a week after we had ended things.

I blocked her after this and decided that I really didn't want anything else to do with her. I specifically told all my friends that I didn't want to hear about her anymore( I should also mention that she wasn't liked by any of my friends, the way I perceived her was very different to how my friends did). This had its ups and downs, I still thought about and missed her but I was moving forward, even got myself a much better and more stable job in the process.

This was until today though, I'd just came off a back shift at 10 and I hadn't checked my phone all day (working is one of the things that helps take my mind of her). When I got home I had messages from a friend showing me that my Ex was now in a relationship with this boy. I basically lied and said that I didn't care because I really didn't want to talk about it because I think my friends have heard enough about it, so have my family for that matter. Truth be told though, it absolutely wrecked me seeing that. I don't know what it is, but it's just brought back all of the feelings for her that I tried to move past. All I want to do is go and try and say something to her to convince her that I'm the person she should be with, that I'm not gonna be happy without her.

I'm not going to do any of that ultimately, because I know that it won't work. What I need help with is moving past this. I realise that she didn't treat me right at all, but I keep thinking back to all the good times we had together and ignore the bad. I also realise that these things take time, but this is causing me so much emotional distress.
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  5  
Reply Wed 9 Aug, 2017 04:19 pm
@Sisgst342,
Quote:
my first real girlfriend


This.

You will get over it, you know that she wasn't girlfriend worthy, but also due to your hours of free time, didn't give either of you a proper go/chance but then there is also your worry of "little money" .

The right girl won't care about that.

The first relationship is hard to get over as it's the only one you have ever known.

Just look at the things you didn't like about it all and stop looking at the small amount and I can see it was a small amount of "good things" you liked.

0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Wed 9 Aug, 2017 06:11 pm
@Sisgst342,
Sisgst342 wrote:

...
This feeling only got worse when she sent me tons of snapchats of her and her new boyfriend a week after we had ended things.

This isn't a nice person.

Sisgst342 wrote:
I blocked her...

Good for you; smart move.

Sisgst342 wrote:
.... When I got home I had messages from a friend showing me that my Ex was now in a relationship with this boy.

If anyone else tries this with you, tell them you don't want to hear it and then either disengage from the conversation or change the subject. That was really uncalled for behavior by your pal.
Sisgst342 wrote:
.... Truth be told though, it absolutely wrecked me seeing that. I don't know what it is, but it's just brought back all of the feelings for her that I tried to move past.

That's why you don't want or need to be reminded.
Sisgst342 wrote:
All I want to do is go and try and say something to her to convince her that I'm the person she should be with, that I'm not gonna be happy without her.

I'm not going to do any of that ultimately, because I know that it won't work. What I need help with is moving past this. I realise that she didn't treat me right at all, but I keep thinking back to all the good times we had together and ignore the bad. I also realise that these things take time, but this is causing me so much emotional distress.

I've said this on a few topics lately, but it bears repeating.

Nostalgia and familiarity are powerful drugs.

Making new friends and getting into new relationships is hard work, and we, as a species, are pretty much conditioned against hard work. That's not a moral failing; it's more that getting the most benefit from the least amount of effort is a good evolutionary strategy for a lot of animals.

Nostalgia and familiarity both feed right into that, because neither of them have to get over the "getting to know you" hump that new things and people have to. Novelty is nice, too, and we also, as a species, like new things. But nostalgia in particular is a kind of cheap thrill (have you ever stopped to consider how many reboots there are these days? That comes from unambitious money people at publishing houses and film studios, but also from the fact that nostalgia sells).

Anyway, the point I am making is that there is a powerful pull back to what once was. But you're also, like Found Soul said, only thinking about what was positive about those times. There were plenty of negatives, too. Don't dismiss them.

And like I wrote earlier, she is entitled to her new relationship, but if she has any sensitivity at all, she would be a bit more selective about who she tells about her new boyfriend. Shoving it in your face like that was the antithesis of kindness.

And finally, be good to yourself! It's only been a month. The end of a relationship is like any kind of loss. You mourn. So do a little mourning. Give yourself some time to catch your breath. And if another one of your buddies tries to share some story of her life with you, derail the gossip train immediately and talk about anything else. Her new life, at this point in time, is not something you are on a need to know basis for.
0 Replies
 
joannnakaplon
 
  2  
Reply Thu 10 Aug, 2017 01:17 am
@Sisgst342,
Hi there!

What jespah here said is exactly my thoughts, I woud just add: give yourself permission to just be hurt. To deal with a problem, you have to go through all the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) and then just move on. I wouldn't advise to skip any of those stages and try to dismiss the problem, I did something like that once - it wasn't a boyfriend but a very close friend who just abandoned me and I just did my best to forget about the problem, time passed but I never dealt with it, I don't think about this on a daily basis but it still haunts me. Not so much as in the beginning, but still, it's really not cool to have this BS coming back to you over and over.

So, buckle up, spend time with yourself, think about what happened, turn on some sad music, be hurt (maybe cry a little? that always helps), be pissed off, let some time pass, accept what happened and then move on. There's no easy way out of this, but everybody goes through this at some point, and believe me - it will eventually go away and you'll come out of it better, stronger and wiser. Approach this as if it was a lesson to learn, a phase to go through, an experience you'll be able to take away something from.

Good friends, talking things out and doing things that will take your mind off of her are also a good way to deal with her being stuck in your head, but don't try to dismiss your feelings. Live through them.

And if all else fails and time passes by and you're still unhappy and hurt, go talk to a professional. Not being able to deal with a broken heart is no joke and it's also ok to go ask for help.

Hope you'll feel better soon!
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Thu 10 Aug, 2017 12:51 pm
That first lost love is a ball-buster. We never forget it.

BUT we do get thru it.

Are you dating again? There's nothing like a new love to get over a lost love.

She's just around the corner!!!
0 Replies
 
emmett grogan
 
  2  
Reply Fri 11 Aug, 2017 12:49 pm
@Sisgst342,
One thing might be not posting a thread about her.
0 Replies
 
kikis73
 
  2  
Reply Sat 12 Aug, 2017 12:56 pm
@Sisgst342,
Man !!! seriusly..go out there and get back on your feet. make enough so you can support yourself. that will boost your confidence and that willmake a a chick magnet, belive me.!!
your girlfriend sound that he got tired of waiting for better times ,wich you can provide since you got in your comfort zone working Part time. you just prove to settle for nothing right there.!!.
I see she sent pics.. Not nice man! but it is what it is.!!
Also what kind of " friend " knowing you are hurt talks about your ex.?
I would say to you "Welcome to the single market"
you are to pick the next relationship en a better shape as i see. but remember what you learned from this past one and make it better next..LEARN something from this one.
0 Replies
 
poojachavan770
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Aug, 2017 12:18 pm
Just have a break up party Drunk
0 Replies
 
 

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