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What should I do? I am kind of lost

 
 
Bedlam
 
Reply Fri 30 Oct, 2020 03:09 am
Hi, everyone. I've just found this web page and I was wondering If I could get some advice or insight.

I'm a male 19 yr old, I've never had a girlfriend, I have never kissed a girl nor had sex yet, either. I am also kind of in the autistic spectrum, and I have the same sort of usuall ticks of aspies (noise, take thinks literaly, I don't understand friendship, though I understand what a friend is, etc., I guess) .

I like to talk though, specially one to one conversations. I also kind of like intellecual confrontation. And I think that not coping or not having a girlfriend hasn't always been an issue for me. I was always away from life or something, always thinking, always reading and stuff. I also had and have a difficult socio-economic situation (I am relatively poor, humble I would say), but I'am doing well in college, I work hard so I hope to have a decent life standard in the future.

So having said that (I am sure there's redundant info), should I start thinking about dating? I feel it's importat to start relationships the sooner the better, but I have no idea why I feel like that. I also think that getting a girlfriend could also stop theincreasing convergence of my mind towards porn and masturbation addition. Also, I don't know the first think about flirting, I don't even understand it.

Thanks for reading or answering and giving some piece of advice.



 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Fri 30 Oct, 2020 05:17 am
Talk to the women in your classes -- whether you think you might want to date them or not.

Conversation is a skill and like virtually all skills, it needs to be practiced. For anyone who you like more, ask to spend more time with them. It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive. Coffee. A visit to be the library to study. A walk around campus. A drive in the country.

And don't date because you feel that it's a societal obligation. Date because you meet someone you like and you want to spend time with them.

And please don't tell anyone you want to date them as a shield against a potential porn addiction.
0 Replies
 
SkydropBill
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Nov, 2020 05:19 pm
@Bedlam,
Hello Bedlam. I´m 20 years old and I too never had a girlfriend. I also go to college and have a difficult socio-economic situation.
I recently had a crush on girl that was slightly older than me. We met spontaneously, started talking, flirting, joking around, we were good friends in general. When I asked her out she said no cuz she doesnt like younger men. We remained friends after that, even though I really wanted to date her. So my feelings grew stronger the more we texted. After I told her that I had a crush on her and that I can't be friends with her anymore, I fell into a depression for some time and I kept thinking what could I have done different so I could persuade her to date me. After a while, it occured to me. I was subconsciously freakishly lonely and I liked the feeling of being close to someone and potentially in love. I liked her but if it was just liking her, it would have never driven me mad.
So what I am trying to say is don't try to find love only cuz you feel lonely or want to get rid of porn addiction. Occupy yourself, work on yourself, meet people, build your character, talk to girls you meet without having an intention of having a relationship. If you can't be happy with yourself alone, relationship won't make any difference then.
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