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should I tell the girlfriend the truth?

 
 
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2020 11:59 am
Ok, so here's the thing. I've been this "friend with benefits" with my ex. He was clear from the beginning that he didn't want a compromise and I agreed with that, being his reasons "I am not emotionally available, and my mind is in my job and my career"...when in reality he was dating someone else (just found out - not from him).

Anyway, because Covid and quarantine, we ended up sharing his place for a few months and even I asked him about this person he kept denying it... ironically, I am 100% sure he has being dating her.

She has no idea (also because of Covid she is in another country with her daughter and probably her ex husband?) that we've been staying together all this time. Also, he's supposed to go study in another country if and when borders and international flights are allowed.

She is not my friend, we only have people in common.

Now, with all that information, should I or should I not tell her?
 
neptuneblue
 
  6  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2020 12:14 pm
@colochos0415,
I'm not understanding why you'd want to tell a complete stranger anything.

You're not in a relationship with him or her, you don't even know if she knows about you.

So, move out, quit seeing a FWB, find joy and happiness in your own life instead of being hellbent to destroy someone else's.
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2020 01:29 pm
@neptuneblue,
Yep.

You need to butt out, stay out of other people bidness.

If he's just FWB, not hard to move on.
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Jul, 2020 01:32 pm
@colochos0415,
One more time. Under the circumstances, why would you want to tell her?

Maybe it's a girl thing.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Jul, 2020 05:55 pm
@Leadfoot,
Or not.

The other 2 people who responded are female.

Also, I’ve known more than my share of male gossips and pot stirrers in my time.

A grown man who knew my husband, and with whom I’d spoken to twice in my life, for I’m sure less than a total of 3 minutes, once told my husband that I said I was just waiting for him to die so I could get his money and benefits.

Fortunately husband had been burned by this guy in the past. So he just asked me, “when was the last time you talked to Ed”
I had to think, and said “I don’t know, maybe 3 years ago?”

Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Jul, 2020 04:26 am
@chai2,
Quote:
Also, I’ve known more than my share of male gossips and pot stirrers in my time.
Neither of those was the motivation I was thinking of, but I’ll concede the point anyway.
0 Replies
 
colochos0415
 
  2  
Reply Sat 11 Jul, 2020 08:40 pm
@neptuneblue,
I don't want to destroy anyone, sorry if you got that wrong. I do have feelings for him, but I was just wondering if it was me on the other side, would I want to know the truth?
Either way, thanks for taking the time to help me Smile
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Sun 12 Jul, 2020 04:05 am
@colochos0415,
Quote:
I was just wondering if it was me on the other side, would I want to know the truth?
That would be a good motivation, but it destroys their ability to learn the lesson for themselves. That’s the only way you can learn it, especially when At least half the answer is about oneself.

Telling her only teaches her the problem with him.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sun 12 Jul, 2020 08:41 am
@colochos0415,
colochos0415 wrote:

but I was just wondering if it was me on the other side, would I want to know the truth?



No you weren’t “just wondering”.
Well maybe you were, but that’s in no way what you asked. So don’t crawfish.

You directly asked if you should tell her, and the answer is overwhelmingly NO.

People who present this “well how You feel” are really just clumsily telling you how They feel, and using it as an excuse to do what they want.
0 Replies
 
neptuneblue
 
  0  
Reply Sun 12 Jul, 2020 08:09 pm
@colochos0415,
colochos0415 wrote:

I don't want to destroy anyone, sorry if you got that wrong. I do have feelings for him, but I was just wondering if it was me on the other side, would I want to know the truth?
Either way, thanks for taking the time to help me Smile


Exactly which "truth" were you planning on telling?

That you're his side piece, with him explicitly telling you he wants absolutely NO relationship with you?

Or, that you knowingly and willing shacked up with some dude who has a girlfriend?

Either way, it still does not mean you get to play Destroyer Of Relationships because, in reality, you don't know what she knows about you.
0 Replies
 
anonn101
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Jul, 2020 12:35 am
@colochos0415,
Do you want to tell her? Why? For you or for her?
0 Replies
 
 

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