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Will my girlfriend resent me for giving up her siblings for me?

 
 
teden
 
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2022 08:47 am
So my girlfriend and I have been looking after her 3 half siblings for the past several months. Her dad and stepmother got into legal trouble. We naively believed this would be a temporary situation.

Well, they were found guilty. With the amount of time they got it’s unlikely either of them will get out of prison until after all their children are adults. They got no other family, so basically we were stuck with the kids. My girlfriend and I are not kid people. We do not like kids or taking care of them. So I was very surprised when she said we needed to take in her siblings. I realized I couldn’t handle this being a permanent situation. I had already become so unhappy during the relatively short time they were with us.

I decided that we needed to end things and that I would move out for a little while til she found a new place for them to live. My girlfriend did not agree to this and did not want to break up. I went to stay at a friends.

She called me yesterday. She told me she loves me and she doesn’t want to lose me. She has already talked to a social worker about not keeping the kids and said even if we don’t get back together she’s not keeping the kids. She told me how she never wanted to take them in in the first place, but she felt obligated to. She says she’s doesn’t want to let her dad ruin anything else in her life and that includes us.

The friend I’m staying with knows everything and she’s concerned and it’s made me concerned that maybe my fiancée is just saying these things and will someday regret her decision and resent me. Do you think that’s likely? or is it okay to get back together? I really do love her.
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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 546 • Replies: 10
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Mame
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2022 08:56 am
@teden,
I think you're over-thinking this. Things between you were fine before all this happened. Neither of you want to have the kids living with you - they are her half-siblings - and Child Protection should be involved anyway. For one thing, if they are, they will help finance the children's needs. Raising kids is a lot of work!

I think your girlfriend was just doing what she thought she should do and I'd believe what she is now telling you. As far as the kids go, once they're in care, you two can visit, take them out, etc., but nobody is under any obligation to take care of them other than their parents who obviously aren't available.
Frank Apisa
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2022 10:35 am
@teden,
Yup. What Mame said!
0 Replies
 
engineer
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2022 10:51 am
@teden,
Same as the others. Go home to your girl!
0 Replies
 
PoliteMight
 
  -4  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2022 02:02 pm
@teden,
Just get along, and be a family until the parents come out. Meanwhile you could save your money up, study something that makes money fast and a lot, and you her could leave the children with the morons you call each other parents. Otherwise they are going to go into foster home and is going to impact them.

It is an odd situation. Like a song. "I met this girl, we hit it off, but then her dead-beat parents went to jail and left us in charge of the runts. Now we are a young couple in charge of children, I really want to make her happy but I do not want to be selfish"

Point being is that man is love so you have to do it for the siblings and do it for her. I could not mind being a surragate dad right now. As long as I was getting poon.
neptuneblue
 
  0  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2022 05:45 pm
@teden,
Yes, she will resent you for making her give up her family for you. Children aren't puppies, you know, given away to who ever will take them. She'll meet with a case worker and even then it takes a while, if ever to place three siblings together. If you really loved her, you'd understand the impossible choice you hoisted on her shoulders.

You should not get back together. You're the one who left.

Stay gone.

And remember in 20-30 years the heart break you caused to her, the one you walked away from when life got heavy.
0 Replies
 
teden
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2022 05:47 pm
@PoliteMight,
Money isn’t an issue. I just am not happy being a parental figure to three children and I don’t think I ever will be. It just isn’t an option in my book.
0 Replies
 
teden
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2022 05:51 pm
@Mame,
That’s a good point. I wouldn’t mind so much seeing them sometimes and taking them out. Just being a full time parent isn’t for me.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Thu 16 Jun, 2022 03:54 pm
So what happened? What was your decision. I wish people would update us!
teden
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Jun, 2022 10:15 am
@Mame,
The kids are gone now and I've moved back in. Not really much else to say. We're happy and doing good. Everything is pretty much just how it was before.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Jun, 2022 10:28 am
@teden,
Good for you!
0 Replies
 
 

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