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I don't think my boyfriend is over his ex! What to do?!?

 
 
Reply Sun 6 Aug, 2017 03:38 am
Boyfriend and I met 8 months ago and started dating, he mentioned that he broke up with ex of 2 years 5 months before we met. She was much younger then him and he had said that the break up was mutual and she was just too immature. We fell in love and now live together.
I have since found out that she broke up with him and he was trying to get back with her for months after the break up. They at one point were even going to get back together, but she met someone.

He has told friends at the beginning of our dating that he's not over her and cant stop thinking of her. I did not know any of this. He would mention her sometimes in conversation but I never thougth anything since I asked him and he said he is completely over her. Sometimes I feel like I'm being compared to her as a few times now when we would fight about something he would say "my exs would never do/say that' (which I know hes talking about her) I was so offended and hurt and mad. He said he was sorry. But has said that 3 times now.

He said they don't talk anymore and last time they spoke was on her birthday. He said theyre still cordial with one another as there was no ill feelings after the breakup and share lots of friends in common. He still has her on facebook and sometimes likes a picture of her.

But what really bothers me is that I just found out he searches for her on facebook couple times a week. We are planning our lives together and he is devoted to me but I feel like this will come between us.

I dunno what to do as this is a man I love and we plan to get married and start a family. Could this be innocent curiousity or should I worry??
 
jespah
 
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Reply Sun 6 Aug, 2017 08:06 am
@KikaJanuary,
Move out. I ain't kiddin'. This is early to be living together. Have some independence from him. He just seems to be rushing into things, particularly considering the situation with his ex. You don't want to be picking out curtains with him thinking to himself, ___ would have picked the blue ones.

He might miss you when you move out. He might not. In the meantime, date him but also have a conversation. He might not be able to articulate where he is emotionally, but you need to know if he is committed to you. If he is not, then I would also suggest dropping exclusivity (on both sides) and date others. Give yourself options. I know you want to skip ahead to marriage but he does not sound as into it as you are.

Yes, he can look up other people online (I do this all the time and so does my husband), but for him it doesn't seem to be harmless curiosity.

Move out, also, before you commingle your finances and possessions any further.
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