Thu 10 Dec, 2015 10:59 am
I will give you a summary of my story we were engaged then he had to go back to his country we were together for a whole year, I lived with him we met in Europe then he was encouranging me to move to his country I was looking for jobs there and all and papers he got a job and started distancing himself emotinally from me I thouthg he was acting weird I asked him what was wrong he said it´s just stress but I FELT in my heart was something else then I asked him if he wanted to break up he denied it the follow week he did he cried a lot he said he wasn´t ready for a serious relationship we begged me with tears to still be friendes he said he still loved me I said yes cuz I wanted to make him happy but it didn´t allow me to heal so I couldn´t take it anymore and I wrote him this letter :
Hi sounds weird to say this now , I only introduce to you my writting because if I say it with my mouth words won´t come out completed...I m not sure if you have figured it out but I m as bad as I am with maps and orientation as I am with being friends with you. At the begining I accepted for the wrong reasons. Starting with the fact I wanted to make you happy but I have forgotten about myself throught this healing process but that´s how crazy love is I can´t help the desire to make you happy it´s impossible to be selfish when you love this much....but that has gotten me even more hurt... I didn´t distanced myself from you lately just because... I have done it because talking to you is painful and replying you hurts too.I feel like our last month together where I wanted to reach you but I couldn´t every time I wanted to take your hand you slipped and move away from me and trust me I fought for you with blood tears but no matter what I did your heart always seemed to hide from mine and at the end there was nothing left to do and even during those stressing moments I waited for you because I had faith in us and I thought we were gonna make it throught together but that didn´t happen.
I didn´t come here to summerize our recent situation I came here just to tell as there are things you don´t feel ready to do or capable to do I am as well with this friendship the difference is that I will never be ready I can´t fake the fact my heart still beats when you text me or the fact my soul cries knowing there is nothing I can do to make things change....I m not the type who gives up easily that ain´t my style you might think that I m clumsy with sports but when I truly love and care about something letting go it´s the hardest thing on earth to do to me. But with this situation I understood that I have to take care of myself,I have to do what´s best for me and that means I have to returned to my first thought of letting you go and not being friends after all, it hurts me like you have no idea but you can´t say I didn´t try.
I don´t want to keep playing this game that I m strong with this because acting is not a skill I own and you know it, even throught my texting tears can be read and if you can´t read them try again, don´t doubt that I fought til the end but I don´t have to tell you that cuz you noticed it. I m not sure if God wants us together all I know God´s timing is perfect and he truly wanted us to meet, because to put two people from different countries to get to know each other in Europe he has done a lot. Fate put people on the same path but it´s up to them to stay together. You have given to me the best moments of my life and the most beautiful memories and I m not talking about our trips those I would have done with or without you but I shared them with you, and even though now it hurts to see all of our pictures I smiled because I have never been so happy in my whole life. I can assure you that even though I have had serious relationships in the past I have never been with them like I was with you. I never knew how I was going to be if I fall in love compeletely with someone but now I know . I was completely transparent with you. And I could swear to you I bared my soul in front of your eyes.
So as you could see after having such a deep relationship I don´t think I can keep pretending our little interactions are a product of a friendship . To me it´s just an excuse to talk to you, but if I keep looking for you I will keep losing myself and I want to find myself again. What we had was a very healthy relationship even though the end was a little bittersweet and even though I saw it coming because you had changed your behavior towards me I always believed in us.
I just think that now that we are not a couple it isn´t wise to be friends because that will interfiere in our personsal lives in the future for the next people we would allow to get into our lives , it wouldn´t be fair to them either I know you don´t understand me now but you might in the future. I m a very honest person I can´t change that with anyone I m with ....and I want to keep it even thought know I will guard my heart more and be more patient....I suggest you that next time you allow someone to get into your heart pray about it and make sure is the right person so you take care of yourself and be able to avoid the pain that´s what I should have done. Don´t take me wrong loving you was beautiful but now it hurts and the best I can do it´s walk away.
With all of these I want you to know that you will always have my support in prayer and only if you truly need to tell me something important you can always reach me throught email I will always answer you. I wish you all the blessings in your life, and I m sure you will reach all of your goals on the right time.
I love you so much from the day one and you will always be the greatest love of my life and the most pure feeling I have ever gotten of any human being.
God bless you a lot.
I hope from the bottom of my heart that you understand me and know that I did my best to make things work the best I could so we both are satisfied with the end Sorry that I couldn´t reach to you.
Goodbye until God put us back on the same road and if not it was a pleasure to be part of your life and share my dreams next to you see them coming true was one of the most amazing miracles that God has given to me and I always thanked him for that.
I never had a dream come true til the day that I found you and no matter where life takes me to a part of me will always be with you.
You didn't really send that, did you?
This is the kind of thing you write and put away or throw out.