getting involved with someone in AA?

re
Im going to keep talking to him and seeing him

I think you're quite selfish for wanting to see him and
you've mentioned numerous times now, that YOU like
to be with him, he makes YOU feel godd. It's just you, you
and you.

If you truly cared for the guy, you'd help him in other
ways to stay on track and attend his meetings, not drink
alcohol and stay focused.

Instead you go out with him, drink alcohol in front of him,
and despite all the concerns of not getting involved with
a newly AA member, you just don't care, because it's
not really fitting into your picture, isn't it.

Frankly, he'd be better off without you helping him, if
this is your way of showing help.

No sympathy from me! :thumbs down:

Walter, I admire you being frank and openly discuss
your alcohol intake.

I have a question, if I may: Would someone being sober
for 20 years, and drink a glass of alcohol really get hooked
again?
Isn't it like someone quits smoking and after a few years of being a non-smoker, he'd have a cigarette for fun and
not feel the urge to start smoking again?

If I may add my humble opinion...
I've been sober for 13+ years, and still attend AA at least 3 times a week. My understanding is that true alcoholics just don't react to the intake of alcohol like a 'normal' person. The combination of chemical, psychological and spiritual reactions would make this much more dangerous than just an errant smoke to a reformed smoker.

Well, this may happen.
I've worked now for nearly 15 professionally (and voluntarily) with addicts and sobers.
If someone is able to do so, she/he hasn't been an alcoholic, just e.g. a heavy drinker.
However, I've never heard of someone going to the AA's or similar, who just had ONE drink after a time of soberness.
Usually you end up there, where you have been those years back - or at the best, you are caught by the "net" of e.g. the AA.


So, "no", I sincerely doubt that.

Btw: if I wouldn't speak frank and openly about my past, I would still be a prisoner of it.

Thank you snood and Walter for your input. I guess alcoholism
is then a life long battle with the temptation.

Yes indeed, you'd be a prisoner of your past Walter,
nevertheless, I do consider coming out with such
a private matter, a very brave thing.

A life long battle with the temptation?

Not really, when you know that in this (=your very own) case, it just means 'live or die'.
I (and others like snood) have decided to live.


Well, I didn't drink on a lonely island in the South Sea, anonymously - so, since everyone could have known about my drinking ... :wink:

re
well i'm texting him and i told him i feel nervous and he asked why, then he asked me if i'm happy, i said, yes just concerned and i havent heard back yet...i have just felt nervous and anxious all day about this.

Diana, you wrote:



Be prepared for many days of being nervous and anxious. Your emotional highs are going to be balanced (or outweighed) by emotional lows.

Thank you, Nostradamus.

I wouldn't go there. I heard this from a recovering alcoholic - "There's no such thing as a former alcoholic, only recovering alcoholics." That's just me, but like Phoenix said at the beginning, "Relationships are difficult enough. . . . "

Just my opinion, but I tend to think that an alcoholic with solid sobriety who is working his 12 steps and living the principles of his program is as good or even a better risk than a "normal" person.

I lean in snood's direction on this one.

I agree here too!
However, the young man in question is at the beginning
of his long journey and needs all the help he can get -
in a very nurturing unselfish way.

And last night the young man had two drinks.

He sounds more like a drinking alcoholic than one in the recovery process. The fella needs a lot of support from friends. Not sure a woman anxious to be in a relationship is the best option for him.

Oh well. Life's like that.

Diana, if you understand accept that this time really has to be about him - and that means you not drinking for a year or two - then go for it. Otherwise, I'm with Calamity Jane on this.

Threwing in my 2 cents again:

in my experience - and I can/could overview personally some hundreds of alcoholic careers over the years - AA works completely fine for most. But for some it doesn't.

re
well we talked on friday and it was hard for me to say what i wanted to say...i mean i've only known him a week. I told that he seems confused and he said, well you're probably right about that, i am trying to get my life together, but i know i'm not confused about the fact that i'm attracted to you. I talked to him again that night and i told him i missed him, he said he missed me too and i'm supposed to see him next weekend. He also said he wanted me to visit him where he is...i told him yesterday that i was going out and that i'd call him when i got home. I called him at 2:30 am and left a voicemail....then stupidly i called 2 more times, and texted him saying, wake up! i was just kidding...but it's 3pm the next day and i still havent heard from him....

I fear, we should feel sorry for you - now, even more than some did before

Noddy - I missed that about him having drinks - a whole 'nother deal.

Walter - actually, I think the stats are that most people don't stay with AA - most go back out and drink again...
Not many people stay for longterm sobriety.