9
   

Why did he act like this?

 
 
Reply Wed 12 Jul, 2017 08:27 am
Met a single guy online. We're in our 30's. I'm separated... he knew I wouldn't be totally available for about a year. We talked every day for 3 weeks, then arranged to meet. We had dinner, drinks, talked until dawn, had sex, talked more. He didn't perform as well as he hoped, but it was ok. During our talks before and after the sex, he asked (at least 8 times) if I was willing to go on a vacation with him next week and hang with him for then next year until I'm totally free, which games we were going to, etc. I felt really close. Then I get the text on the way home..."maybe things were said because of drinking, you weren't as hot as your pics, you seemed bored at times, and maybe you can find someone better than me." I can understand saying a few things because of alcohol, but hours and hours of talking about how great we were together? What is this?
 
jespah
 
  9  
Reply Wed 12 Jul, 2017 08:32 am
@Southernsweetie17 ,
He's a jerk and you dodged a bullet. Move on.
0 Replies
 
tibbleinparadise
 
  5  
Reply Wed 12 Jul, 2017 08:41 am
@Southernsweetie17 ,
He got what he was after (sex) and after the alcohol wore off he decided he had just wasted three weeks on a girl that is unavailable and he really isn't attracted to.

What's with being separated for a year?

In the future, greatly reduce the time from pictures on the internet to in person (maybe a week tops with no endless text conversations in the interim) and keep the first date casual, short (an hour or two), and no sex. And it may be better to NOT do any sort of serious dating until your divorce is finished.
0 Replies
 
centrox
 
  5  
Reply Wed 12 Jul, 2017 11:05 am
@Southernsweetie17 ,
Southernsweetie17 wrote:
Then I get the text on the way home..."you weren't as hot as your pics"

That is so tacky. This guy is a jerk. You can do a lot better.
0 Replies
 
celebritydiscodave
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 13 Jul, 2017 06:06 pm
@Southernsweetie17 ,
The real world only begins when you are with a person in the flesh. The internet chatting is indicative of need, which may include kidding ones self that one has discovered an eligible candidate, them also, but at the end of the day one still has to find themselves with somebody that they wish to dedicate themselves to. The alternative may only be sex.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  4  
Reply Mon 17 Jul, 2017 02:02 pm
What is this?

Its reality.

You wanted a close friend to talk to and were willing to get to know him on-line instead of in person.

He wanted sex. And that was it. Hes not interested in talking any more. He used that to get what he wanted.

Sorry you had to learn the hard way. Next time, connect In Person right away.
celebritydiscodave
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Jul, 2017 11:27 am
@PUNKEY,
You never know that you have got to know a person, this whether on line or off, at least not until such time as there has been happened adequate natural testing from which to discern. Reason being, that it is all too easy to portray oneself any way which one may on a whim consider to be the most fruitful for one. Is not whooming and dating not a competition, this whether we may find that analogy agreeable or not. Further, on line communication is not generally either understood nor reciprocated to as the same communication/attempted communication would be in the "real world", this partly, certainly not exclusively, because of the absence of body language. Many experts consider that body language/the presence of a person constitutes around 80% of "real world" communication. It can take for an eternity on line to communicate the simplest concept badly.
celebritydiscodave
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Jul, 2017 07:27 am
@celebritydiscodave,
Relationships very often go wrong because our complexities are not realised.
celebritydiscodave
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Jul, 2017 11:20 am
@celebritydiscodave,
Another factor denoting subtle difference between on and off line concerns ones instincts. Despite the fact that many people do n`t have reliable instincts anymore there are still some others which do, but even those that do cannot rely on them when faced with purely on line communication. Instincts are a product of our distant past when on line did n`t exist.
celebritydiscodave
 
  0  
Reply Wed 19 Jul, 2017 01:58 pm
@celebritydiscodave,
Many men are even more able to seduce in person, and those that show the most interest and initially have the most time for girls are known to be psychopaths.
celebritydiscodave
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Jul, 2017 06:00 pm
@celebritydiscodave,
Psychopaths tend to being the best early romantics. Whilst this girl was technically used I`d require more information for any certainty of the reason. For instance, cocaine abuse is common, and should it of been that he was an abuser she might well have been in the firing line for false information, and for being singled out to be hurt. They treat the worst those closest to them, and from my experience are eventually affected by this product by way rejection of all positive emotion.
centrox
 
  3  
Reply Thu 20 Jul, 2017 01:10 am
@celebritydiscodave,
Of been? Is English your first language?
izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Thu 20 Jul, 2017 01:19 am
@centrox,
After bollocks?
0 Replies
 
celebritydiscodave
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Jul, 2017 02:01 am
@centrox,
What does "of been?" mean, and surely we should keep remarks which may be deemed racist to ourselves? I am not dictating what the relationship was, where have I suggested to this, I`m simply supplying additional information for you lot to work with, or not, and it is perfectly easy to simply post around me - I do n`t even exist here, merely my contributions! They are opinion, to be serviced or to be ignored. This mental exercise is important to me because these are everyday issues for me, ones to which I must apply individual psychology, not social/mass psychology, nor even sociology.
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Jul, 2017 03:37 am
@celebritydiscodave,
celebritydiscodave wrote:

surely we should keep remarks which may be deemed racist to ourselves?


Not if the person doing the deeming is a bloody idiot. Contrex made a valid point, your English is crap. If you're a non native speaker at least you have an excuse, but I'm betting you don't.
celebritydiscodave
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Jul, 2017 06:06 am
@izzythepush,
That merely adds to my point, thanks.
No problem suggested to by me regards her valid point, it was valid. Next time simply ask me, do you consider her point to be valid.?
I have made further contribution merely because in living in the real world, and in the company of intelligent people, it is not such a ridiculous notion not to ignore the fact that our minds are very complex.
Your language does not suggest anywhere that the real problem is my want of English???
Is there even one chance in a billion that one would react this way if they did not consider the points being made to be significant ones?
Thank you for responding, it is good that we can meet together here for meaningful discussion.
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Jul, 2017 06:31 am
@celebritydiscodave,
celebritydiscodave wrote:

No problem suggested to by me regards her valid point, it was valid.


This is nonsense. If there is a valid point to be made it's lost amongst the maelstrom of gobbledegook.
celebritydiscodave
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Jul, 2017 07:21 am
@izzythepush,
Not actually, it is still all here, every last word of it
Met a single guy online. We're in our 30's. I'm separated... he knew I wouldn't be totally available for about a year. We talked every day for 3 weeks, then
arranged to meet. We had dinner, drinks, talked until dawn, had sex, talked more. He didn't perform as well as he hoped, but it was ok. During our talks before and after the sex, he asked (at least 8 times) if I was willing to go on a vacation with him next week and hang with him for then next year until I'm totally free, which games we were going to, etc. I felt really close. Then I get the text on the way home..."maybe things were said because of drinking, you weren't as hot as your pics, you seemed bored at times, and maybe you can find someone better than me." I can understand saying a few things because of alcohol, but hours and hours of talking about how great we were together?
What is this?ot actually, nothing goes lost
It`s virtually obvious to me, what with asking eight times, etc, his sense of self worth was through the floor. Often the case for men on line. He dropped back to directly questioning her interest. "Maybe things were said because of drinking" Finally came the "sour grapes" "You were n`t as hot", etc My best guess is that he was actually overly fond, overly needy, and that what she was experiencing was his hopeless, beating up on himself, despair. I knew that there was something about this which required further thinking .
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Thu 20 Jul, 2017 08:35 am
@celebritydiscodave,
Or he was just an asshole.
celebritydiscodave
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Jul, 2017 09:25 am
@jespah,
Agreed, but if she were to put out despair feelers and discover that she was his idol girl a genuine relationship might pursue, perhaps eventually even one made in heaven. I did say only might.
0 Replies
 
 

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