14
   

My mother is freaking out on me

 
 
chai2
 
  0  
Reply Sun 18 Jun, 2017 01:57 pm
@celebritydiscodave,
celebritydiscodave wrote:

And I suppose....


Then you'd suppose wrong.

At least you addressed your comment to me, and understood that I had been directing mine at you.

Good job! You managed to accomplish the absolute minimum to post a response! Soon you'll be able to swim to the side of the pool all by yourself!

You did miss the part where she wasn't giving an opinion, but asking others for theirs. It's really is hard I know, to keep up with all of this. Keep trying though because you can do anything that you set your mind to!!!

You get the "everyone's a winner" gold star.
0 Replies
 
celebritydiscodave
 
  -3  
Reply Sun 18 Jun, 2017 02:41 pm
@ossobucotemp,
She`s also shorter and has black hair, she`s good at maths as well! If I have confused her with another, and it`s very possible, it`s because I have server issues and most of the posts are broken up or printed over. What is wrong is assuming that because a person has little sexual experience that they are not relationship experts, for even a dog can do sex. Even a psychologist with a masters degree could reasonably have come here posing the same question that she did. She already has the answers, her answers, and is merely interested as to other points of view. There is no suggestion whatsoever that she cannot handle relationships as well or indeed better than the rest of you, and any contrary argument without the facts should be considered as being pure age prejudice, for it is surely just that. It is highly impertinent to question what contraception measures were taken in exactly the same way as it would be had you of been at the receiving end. There is no rule for one which does not apply to another.
I cannot currently distinguish whom has written what but shall remedy this compromise.
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Jun, 2017 06:02 pm
@Lvsf,
Lvsf wrote:

I'm 20 years old and my boyfriend is 22. Long story short, I'm a virgin (or was) my parents are super strict and had given me a chastity ring when I was maybe 14. anyway, We've been dating for 2 months and honestly I never felt so comfortable with someone and I just felt ready so we had sex. I told my mom the next day by giving her the ring and she flipped. Told me how I'm now worthless to any man, hows shes so disappointed in me she can't even look at me and how now that my boyfriend has taken my virginity hes going to leave me and we'll never be anything because I whored myself and all this really hurtful stuff. She's even saying since I want to act like an adult she should kick me out and act the way I'm acting somewhere else. I don't know what to do she's freaking out and now shes making me scared that he might leave me and she's making me second guess myself, making me feel like I honestly devalued myself. Its not like I'm a kid, I am 20 .. I just don't know what to do, honestly I just feel so upset, I didn't want to disappoint her but I also felt ready. what do I do?


Just another example or how the oppression of religious dogma on sexuality destroys families. Pinning your own mother against you over some stupid idea that being a virgin has some kind of value. Its nonsense.

You aren't devalued by any other guy. This is a load of crap. Shes just saying it to try to shame you into guilt. It's silly.

She wants to kick you out? Sounds like a great mother. Your virginity was more important to her than you yourself are. A guy who will think less of you because you are not a virgin, is not worth your time.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Jun, 2017 08:18 pm
How old is your mother?

She is from another workd - not right or wrong, just different.

She is not accepting that her little girl is now grown up.

Give her time. Smile when she goes off on you. She has no power over you.
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Sun 18 Jun, 2017 08:25 pm
@Krumple,
Krumple, I was thinking the same thing about the mother saying she should kick her daughter out. Also re the religious indoctrination.

Yeah, that's unconditional love for ya, and there's a chance it'll bring back her virginity.

What's done is done, and unfortunately the OP is going to have to deal with the fallout of telling her mother something private like this. If she lays low for awhile and keeps her private activities private, the mother will calm down eventually.
0 Replies
 
celebritydiscodave
 
  0  
Reply Mon 19 Jun, 2017 01:35 am
@PUNKEY,
If there exists no right and wrong on this level of religion and cultural beliefs they most certainly do in absolute terms, and these qualities, genuine compassion, selflessness, a want of any age prejudice, or otherwise prejudice, and empathy, genuine empathy, always lead the able mind to the same place. Age prejudice alone within families is sufficient to put young people in hostels or on the streets. It`s impossible, psychologically impossible when living under the same roof with immediate family, to opt out of a battle which would compromise how one is regarded. It is impossible should the victim be the least bit caring.
To smile at her under such circumstances is surely akin to slapping her around
the face? I believe it to be a conflict likely impossible to escape.
0 Replies
 
chirchri
 
  0  
Reply Mon 19 Jun, 2017 01:39 am
She just in a passion, you are responsible for the consequences of taking or rejecting advice.
celebritydiscodave
 
  -2  
Reply Mon 19 Jun, 2017 01:42 am
@chirchri,
Even killing may be a passion. We with passions are responsible for keeping a reign on them. It is not an excuse to do whatever we like.
0 Replies
 
Kelly1994
 
  0  
Reply Wed 21 Jun, 2017 02:55 am
@chai2,
Yes, I agreed with you. If you are an adult now, then you have to take your decision on your own.
celebritydiscodave
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Jun, 2017 12:15 pm
@Kelly1994,
I think that she did make her decision on her own, did n`t she?
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Wed 12 Jul, 2017 12:33 pm
A smile is a good way to detach from conflict.

I did not say to laugh or mock her, I said to simply smile and let it go.
celebritydiscodave
 
  1  
Reply Wed 12 Jul, 2017 04:01 pm
@PUNKEY,
Personal perception is in constant flux, a reality of mind, and it is governed by social environment, past and present.. Under such circumstances as apparently existed between them then a smile would have been outside the scope of a neutral response, it could only have escalated their differences, it could only have been perceived, and with no going back, as outright mockery. It could not have been an "only" act, far too out of context for that.
ossobucotemp
 
  5  
Reply Wed 12 Jul, 2017 04:14 pm
@celebritydiscodave,
Oh, look, a brand new lecturer.
celebritydiscodave
 
  0  
Reply Thu 13 Jul, 2017 03:40 pm
@ossobucotemp,
Thanks, I`m on tour.
0 Replies
 
tlf777
 
  0  
Reply Sun 16 Jul, 2017 02:35 pm
@Lvsf,
I think you are going to need to give your mom some time to process this. I admire that you were honest with her, and in the end I think that will assist in rebuilding your relationship. I'm sorry she has said such things to you, but I can imagine she is hurt and in shock.

I saw that you come from a very religious family. There is forgiveness, and you are not the names she has called you.

If you would like to message me, I would love to talk with you more.
celebritydiscodave
 
  0  
Reply Sun 16 Jul, 2017 05:22 pm
@tlf777,
Show your mom the above post but message your mom instead, if possible at least, otherwise take this offer of support.
0 Replies
 
Medusax
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Jul, 2017 07:38 pm
@Lvsf,
Being honest with most parents about sex is not a good idea.
celebritydiscodave
 
  0  
Reply Wed 19 Jul, 2017 06:28 am
@Medusax,
I do n`t disagree, and it is well that there is no reference whatsoever in that post made to sex. She should even play right down the sex should they wish to start discussing this again. If I have to explain why it would likely be positive for her, and her mother, to be showing her that post there is likely nothing to be gained from my doing so. Explanation would take a while anyway, but in broad terms, for reasons of reconciliation.
0 Replies
 
bunnyhabit
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 30 Jul, 2017 10:33 am
the only way for you now is to spend a lot of submissive time with your mom, dress & act modest, confess to your mom you were shamefully Wrong. break up with current guy. be mommies good little girl for a few months to regain her love lost before she throws you out of her life.

learn how to keep your personal life private in future
0 Replies
 
ashesama
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Jun, 2018 11:14 pm
@Lvsf,
Let things cool down, for one. Space and time. Understand that your mother obviously had all of this beat into her head when she was young, and she's projecting it onto you. We live in 2018, not Europe in the 1600's. But telling you that you're now worthless to any man is a terrible thing to say, don't believe that. It's not true and she should never say that to you. A parents job is to help you become a productive and independent adult, not belittle you with insults so much that you think you don't have value. I'm truly sorry, I know how you feel.
0 Replies
 
 

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