Sexless Marriage, Bi, And Confused

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Ok my wife and I are 36, have been married for 16 years. We have a good family and a good life, except we don't have sex hardly. We are talking about like 7-10 times a year, and maybe if I'm lucky 2 blow jobs a year... We didn't start out like this has just has dwindled. And we have tried various things to rekindle but she just has no desire for sex. And I am not the kind of person to pressure her or make her feel obligated.

I am also Bi, but have never done anything with another guy. I have Zero desire to be with anyone else, but I am so sexually frustrated that it affects life.

Recently I have been thinking about finding a guy to releive stress with... Not a relationship just a friend that would help me out. I don't want to change my life, or hurt my wife, or anything like that. I love her and want to stay with her...

So I don't know what to do... would getting a friend be cheating? Am I a horrible person?

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@Admiral34,

I'm a straight woman. I've not been in anything quite like your circumstance. I can understand, though.

Counseling could help, but the only time I was ever counseled was by a religious nutcase, so I don't know. Others here may have better answers, and know about better counsel.
No, you are not horrible.
I suppose the answer is to straight out talk to her about all of it, possibly to come to some agreement, or not, but I'm not sure.

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"She has no desire for sex."

Do you ever wonder why? It's not normal for a 36 year old woman to simply cut herself and her husband off.

Exhausted? Ill? Having a side affair? Financial problems?

Take her away for a long weekend and seeat happens.

You seem to want people to give you permission to have an affair.

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@PUNKEY,

We have both asked why. And one of the biggest reasons is due to medication that she takes. She has tried virtually every option out there but they all have the same side effect, decreased labido... and unfortunately going off the medication is not an option...
There are other factors too, like with any couple, stress, kids, money, etc.
we have had talks about the lack of sex, we have went to counseling, but the issue never gets resolved because our relationship is actually pretty good...
And don't mistake no sex for no affection. We are still very loving to each other. In fact one of our favorite thing is still to snuggle up each night and talk about our day.

I'm not looking for permission, I am just looking for other opinions, because I don't know to resolve the situation.

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@Admiral34,

Have you talked to the doctor about vigra for women . I hear they have that now

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I once heard Dr. Ruth answer a question from a woman who complained that her husband wanted sex more often, and she was not in the mood.

Dr. Ruth said, "So vat's wrong with you that you can't give him 5 minutes? Just use your hands, darling. Zen you can sleep all you vant. "

If your wife has low libido she need help in learning how to meet YOUR needs, since you do have a sex drive. A sex therapist can help in this area.

I still think that you are using this as an excuse to have an affair and act out on your bi- fantasy. Time for some real honesty on your part, too.

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She would need to agree to a solution if she were my wife, either make an effort or let me go outside the union. My wife was deeply traumatized by childhood sexual assault and over the years I have met many men who have married or been with CSA survivors, more than a few of these men have gone years and decades with NO sex because they have been unwilling to push the issue.

I dont recommend it.

Also know that if you dont make demands that you will likely end up going decades with zero sex if you stay with her.

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Sexless Marriage, Bi, And Confused

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