A2Kers...Need Advice...Again.

If nothing else, you guys all crack me up and really make me feel better.

Some times it takes seeing it in writing to say "hey, that's me!".

not so much payback...well, maybe. but more so guilt.

Also, I know when she is reacting to something other than what I said... So I immediately go on the defensive as well becasue I don't want to say anything which will aggravate the situation more. She sees this as me being insensitive or not caring which does make matters worse. I have learned that she is sometimes to irrational and that some times I am to rational. We had to learn how to argue. I try to stay calm and not say anything that I know she will react to and she tries to keep her emotions out of it and react only to the present situation. It is a two way street. I am convinced that the key to a happy relationship is understanding how people react to each other and not using their weakness to your advantage.

Just try to remember what it is you are arguing/discussing/feeling and try to keep other emotions or problems out of it. And don't hesitate to point out anything that your husband says that he knows will get a rise out of you... that only adds to the problem.

Same diff. It works on many levels.

The main thing is to know what you are doing and why. From there you can decide if it is "nice" or necessary, manipulative or an honest reaction.

As squinne graces this thread Kristie, know that what she says is gold. She is quite an intelligant woman. And she is absolutly right. This is a behavior that has been successful before.
It would be a good thing to find out.. why.. ?

[quote="Kristie



I don't know if I can. I am slightly ADHD. I can't sit still. Kills me practically.

[/quote]

Then dont sit still..
just make a time where there are NO plans.

No laundry
No dinner
No phone calls
No writting
No bills
No.... nothing.. and stick to it.
Look at it as a gift of time to yourself.

Hell... dont even masturbate......

shewolf wrote


We're trying to help her here, not make her go insane

Kristie--

Right now your emotions are difficult for you to control--BUT you can control your actions.

At home if you feel yourself getting weepy, apologize to your long-suffering husband and leave the room. Write in a journal, scrub the woodwork, build a memorial of the Twin Towers out of toothpicks.

"Shehe made me so mad that I had to...." isn't an excuse for spousal battering--physical, verbal or emotional.

By the by, give yourself full points for trying to understand the underlying problem and eliminate it.

Hold your dominion.

AHAHHAHAHHHAAAHAHHAHAAH

I laughed so hard I scared my daughter!

hahahahha .. good point.
Masturbation Hour.
That is your new motto Kristie...
HAHAHH!!!!!!

hmmm....interesting concept shewolf....... :wink:

Ok so....I am wondering here...jpin....are you my husband? God, you sound just like us! Scary. But also encouraging that I am not alone!

The problem is I don't know why my emotions are so out of control. Maybe you are right and I am just depressed. I know that depression rears it's ugly head in many forms.

My hubby and I have talked about it but nothing seems to get better. I end up relapsing and freaking out. Like last night. (which, by the way, is why I posted this thread to begin with)

He told me something about his job that I think is a bad decision. He is the boss so he has to make hard decisions, I know, but this decision hit me in a particularly bad way. I got all weird (he knew something was up right away) asked me why I was mad and then I freaked. I just got all snotty and teary...I couldn't even hold a decent argument over why I felt upset about his work decision (WORK decision, not even a home decision!). So he ended the conversation with "fine. I just won't ever talk to you about work again".

I felt awful then. And this morning felt even worse when I realized that because of work, we won't be seeing each other until Thursday evening! What a bummer. Wasted a perfectly good night because I am a basketcase.

Umm..... how old are you?

Menopause brings about ENORMOUS emotional changes in seconds for some women..

is that a possibility for you?

no....i wish :wink:
i am 27
Which is why these childish outbursts must stop

Bah, honey. Don't call them childish outbursts. That just takes away the validity of your feelings and your feelings are all very valid! As mentioned a couple to times in this thread, part of the problem could be depression. And yes, it does come up sometimes when we least expect it. Maybe you could check with your Medical Doctor and see if everything is working right physically and feel free to talk with him about the emotional upsets. I don't mean to sound like old Dr. Feelgood here, but sometimes even a very low does, mild anti-depressant can do wonders to change the way you react to things.....just a thought.

hormone surges can happen at all kinds of weird and not-so-wonderful times, just to complicate the possible effect of depression.

Can you tell when you're ovulating? That used to be a particularly bizarre time for me. Not so much the PMS'ing, but laying the egg.

yeah, but I don't think that this coincides.

Excellent point Ebeth.
That happens for me too... ( and I am similar in age to you Kristie ;-) )

I have done the same thing that Lady is suggesting to you .
It worked.
I only stayed on anti depressants for a short time ( 6mos) but the effect worked wonders.

Well, the problem with that is convincing my hubby that it is ok. His thoughts are that he can help me and if I need meds then he has failed. I try to tell him that just isn't always so but he won't listen. He gets really upset. We've talked about it before. Perhaps it is time to bring it up again.

Hey Kristie,

Didn't you quit smoking recently? If so, I can tell you that losing that friend may be contributing to your sensitivity.

Two other things that are worth looking at are:

-How's the sex life?
-Are you doing any kind of excercise (it really is amazing how much doing excercise levels a person out)

Try to make a point of having some quality Kristie and hubby time at least once a day, so that you can both remember that you're on the same team - not against each other.

Try the excercise, sex, and quality-time, to see if it works, before going to anti-depressants...but sometimes they can work wonders - as shewolf mentioned.

Good luck


JP - Your story sounds somewhat familiar and it appears as though you guys are doing a great job working through it.

hmmmmmmm, does your husband think he could cure a cold by talking to you? or kidney failure? or allergies? depression is no different in its physical/chemical basis. If he can actually cure illness, he's a real shaman, and worth a bit on the open market.


i wouldn't actually say it to him quite like that, but he sounds like he needs a bit of education in the area of depression. it's not always something you can talk away.

Ahhhh... I may be your husband. I can always tell when something is wrong. So I ask "What's wrong?" She says nothing but I know something is. So I keep asking and she gets madder and madder and pretty soon something is wrong... ME. It is a vicious cycle. I have learned that sometimes she is just to emotional to deal with things... she shuts down and just can't handle it anymore. It sounds like you are at that point now.

What I have learned to do at these times is just let her be but still be supportive. She just wqants a shoulder to cry on. She doesn't want me to fix anything or help her through anything... she just wants to cry. It works out some of the emotions involved and soon after she feels better and is able to handle life again. Part of her problem is stress management. When she gets stressed out to much she tends to shut down.

Perhaps you just need to cry. Go home and tell your husband to just sit there and hold you... don't have him say anything... don't have him try to fix anything... just hold you and let you get it all out.