LOL, soz! You are quite welcome. I have thousands of songs in my head, and I'm glad when that knowledge can be useful, as it's mostly clogging my brain!
There's a song in my head, but the demned little smegger isn't really right and it's driving me insane.....
I have developed this really whizzo way of dealing with things like the hair dye thing - I am very polite and gentle, and say that I am not going to pay or accept it, or whatever - and then I just won't GO! Sort of hang around looking permanent until they do something - it is very funny....
I guess an unhappy customer, standing around would compel them to action.
What if they hit you up for two dye jobs when you're ready to go? What do you say?
The thing is attitude. I would be so sheepish. I should be resolved that it is offensive to be asked to pay for a crappy dye job. Instead, I'm thinking about the money the dye cost her, and that it wasn't like she did it on purpose... And, me refusing to pay is making it worse for her... And, she'll tell everybody about what a bitch I am...
Would you be worrying about any of that stuff?
A bad dye thingy I would not hesitate to demand be sorted out - unless I had not made it clear what I wanted. I haven't found hairdressing places to be difficult about that sort of thing - I don't think the dye costs them much!
I couldn't give a brass razoo if they think I am a bitch - as long as I am NOT being one.
OK, I know I'm several pages too late, but it was Gautum asking for a poem about farting. So here it is:
incongruity
I remember
a very beautiful,
quite proper
young woman
letting
a fart
that sounded
like
a gunshot.
Brautigan
Yeah, Patio, what is it that brings me out of the wood work when flatulence becomes the subject of the day? Not quite sure. Could it be my personality?
Flatulence is funny.
Just enjoy it.
Just point me arse to the window,
And wide the casements fling!
'Cos I'm gonna fart the chorus
When they play "God Save the King".
It's true that flatulance is funny, but it's funnier to some than to others. Kids generally love it. And it sure sells on kids movies.
You know - look at Chaucer - at Shakespeare - 'tain't just kids and such - I think it is one of those wonderfully bathetic things in life that are just divinely ridiculous - like the mechanics and physical attitudes of sex - that serve to remind us in our o'erweening pride and haughty hubris that we are but matter, and kin to the worms!
Yes, D, right!
Everyone farts!
Even the Queen of England, say nothing of the corgis ..
Why not just enjoy it?
good gawd - the bunny is showing off again!
A group of acquaintances in junior high school took time out of their busy adolescent lives to categorize farts. I can recall only two now, the soupy glider and the lumpy surprise.
A Guide to the Identification and Classification of Farts
Blind Farts: Traditional noiseless reekers.
Boomers: Full-throated, rousing explosions; the parent organism
frequently betrays his or her authorship with a smile of ill-concealed
pride.
Carpet Creepers: Heavier- than- air creations, these linger and
permeate the atmosphere at or near ground level; source invariably
anonymous, having left the room.
Fizzles: Efforts at first promising, but eventually unsatisfactory, at
least to the donor; often effective upon bystanders. Often the last of a
series; originator betrays disappointment.
One-Cheek Sneaks: Attempted surreptitous contributions, usually
signified by the the artist's "tilting". Ricocheting off metal "bridge
chairs" or church pews, they posses satisfactory resonance, produce
blushes, giggles, glares.
Poohs: Open-sphincter donations, gusty and full-bodied, but lacking
sonority; popular on buses; customarily unacknowledged.
SBD's: (Silent But Deadly type). Consistent with the Law of
Conservation of Energy, what SBD lacks in audible qualities is
compensated for in a semi-lethal olfactory intensity. The mechanism
responsible is usually the innocent-looking person glancing about
suspiciously.
Screamers: High-pitched, tight-sphincter offerings, often of astonishing
duration and tonal variations; most pleasuribly exchanged among roomates or inspired by presence of politicians called Bush.
Squeegies: Small, immature, and moist products. Humiliating for all
concerned.
Wet Ones: Samples are accompanied by gutteral, rasping, or lisping sound, indicating vaporous content. Originator registers astonishment, dread, then departs, walking strangely.
Oh dear - wot have I whelped!
Oh hiama, I haven't laughed so hard for a very long time!! Did all those definitions come from your imaginative brain or did you have a little help from Chaucer or Brautigan?
Ah, see what the flatulence has brung in! Welcome back to Digressia, Dianne - I hope to see much more of you here.
I once shared a house with a man so foul of flatulence that he ought to hve been declared a WOMD.
To illustrate - one night I came home late, walked into the living room, and said to the assembled masses - "Ah! I detect that Harold is home, though he is not in the room."
People looked shocked for a moment, then laughed heartily - wiping the tears from their assembled eyes, they told me, breathlessly, that Harold had left some four hours previously, and that they had aired and sprayed the room when he left!
hiama
Lovely, as usual.
dlowan
God, I love a woman with low standards.
